Talk to me about having 2 boys - and no girls

[secretuser]

Disclaimer: I know this is ridiculous and I'm very lucky to be pregnant with a healthy baby, so please no flaming. I just want to deal with these feelings so they don't escalate.

Expecting DC2, already have a DS and they will be less than 2 years apart. If I'm honest I think I wanted a girl first time, but I absolutely adore my DS to bits, he is gorgeous and good natured and so funny to be around.

I was convinced this one was a girl, my pregnancy has been completely different and skull/nub theory suggested girl (I know this is limited in accuracy). Private gender scan at 16+4 showed the baby was very much a boy. I admit I was a little disappointed but having said that I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I'd be because DS is so sweet and another one of him would be lovely!

I think it will be lovely for DS to have a brother so close in age. I wonder whether it's society making us think we must have one of each. Will I get over never having a daughter? This will be my last DC, so there won't be another chance of having a girl.

I wondered if anyone could share their similar stories and how great it will be to have 2 boys close in age?

Not going to be a boy he was already a boy 😂

I have 2 boys. Never wished for a girl and it's been brilliant.
DH actually said he would prefer boys when I was pregnant.

Two boys here. When we found out number 2 was a boy, I was initially very disappointed. Not because I didn't want another son, but because I had to come to terms with never having a daughter. I have only men in my life so I was hoping for some female company and for that female bond! But I made my peace with never having a daughter and now I can't imagine life any other way.

Our boys fight like mad but they are also very loving, very cuddly and best pals. I feel they're never going to be alone as they have each other.

I think the impression we get from media, friends etc doesn't help - in adverts, programmes and so on it's always one girl and one boy so we're being told that's the perfect family and it can make you feel less perfect if you have something different. But all families are perfect - enjoy yours (but watch out for wee on the bathroom floor)

I have 2 boys who are 21 months apart. I must admit when I found out my second was a boy in the delivery room I had a split second (and only a split second) of 'oh...'. It was then I realised my heart had been set on a girl. But once he was in my arms and I was looking at his beautiful face I really was over the moon to be a mum of 2 boys. I kind of wish I'd had a gender scan now so that oh feeling would have been out of the way before the birth because I do feel a little guilty for feeling that way now.

My two boys are so different. DS1 is so headstrong, loud and imaginative in play. DS2 is calmer and quieter and has patience for long games and stories. But one thing they both have in common is that they love their Mummy. I'm never short on kisses and cuddles and I honestly wouldn't change my life.

I don't know if DS2 is my last but if I were to have another I would honestly be overjoyed with a 3rd boy.

Congratulations! Honestly boys are so much fun 

3 boys here. 12, 11 and 6.
I'm not sad any more about not having a girl, I was a bit at the time, but I am curious about what I would have been like as the mum of a girl. I don't care if my boys are grubby, if their hair is messy, if they jump in puddles and end up filthy. I wonder if I would have been different with a girl. Would I have fallen into some sort of gender stereotype, would I always be making sure my girl's hair was combed and that she didn't jump in muddy puddles in her good dress? I don't know.

I feel like there is a bit of a girl uprising just now, goodnight stories for rebel girls and all that sort of thing. I feel that I'm sort of excluded from that because I'm not raising a girl. The whole Brett Kavanaugh thing, I think I had a slightly different perspective on it from parents of girls.

So it is different only raising boys, but I wouldn't swap them even if I could.

I agree with the others that hopefully if I manage to stay friends with them they will want to stay close to me as adults. A daughter could emigrate to Australia or not phone home very often just the same.

I have 2 boys, they’re 17 and 13 now. I did get a bit sad when I found out DS2 was going to be a boy as I had hoped for one of each. They’re absolutely brilliant though, very funny and affectionate and really close as brothers which is lovely to see.

The only time I’ve felt sad about not having a daughter was when my mum died 4 years ago. It was the realisation that I’m the only female left, I have no sisters or close cousins and I felt quite lonely thinking about how I’d miss out on some of the things I’d enjoyed with my mum.

Well I am the opposite. I have 3DS and 1 DD, when I found out I was pregnant with a girl I was miserable. I grew up with 4 sisters and found girls generally irritating. It took me my entire pregnancy to come to terms. I love my DD but she is harder work than all the boys. She manages to wind all of her DB up and that includes her older one. They have a love hate relationship..... enjoy your boys!

😂 at the posters saying you’ll hear a lot about poo and dinosaurs. I must tell my 3 yo DD that she’s clearly a boy...

I think same sex siblings are fantastic for the children themselves. Hopefully, they'll grow up to be best buddies.

I have two boys, nearly 6 and 2. They adore each other, and are completely gorgeous.

Girls are great, too. I do get quite vexed when mums of girls post 'having a girly pamper session with my mini-me' on FB, though  I despise gender stereotypes and those that promote them.

My 2 boys are 3.5 and nearly 1 and are totally obsessed with one another, in a good way. DS1 was always utterly divine so I was OK with another boy, but even I had an ‘oh!’ When discovered DC2 was another boy. DS2 is perhaps even more delicious than my first, always happy, never cries, just a happy happy soul. I am completely fulfilled (although I’m the kind of person who would have been fulfilled if we’d stuck at just one, and we’re foing to try for a 3rd too).
DC3 - I think I’d prefer another boy! A band of beautiful boys. But knowing me I’d have a little ‘oh, it’s not a girl/boy’ either way! It’s jusy a case of having to adjust my vision of the future, in my case!
Anyway, not sure that’s really talking to you about having 2 boys, more about the reaction to finding out it’s another boy... as you say, your son is lovely and I’m sure it’s horrifying to imagine rejecting another of him! You’ll be fine! The only girl in the house! Lovely.

I love what Brokendown18 says :

It is ok to feel sorry that you never had a dd, but that is separate really from your soon-to-be ds

I am expecting my 4th son and have definitely been struggling with the same feelings... thanks, Brokendown, I think you've just made sense of it for me!!

OP, my 2 eldest are 23 months apart and now aged nearly 7 & nearly 5. They play really, really well together and are into all the same stuff (albeit in different ways). Their little brother is about to be 2, they are very kind with him and they are looking forward to having another brother... obviously there are plenty of fights too, but I would say around 80% of the time they are happy around each other.

I am happy to have kids, and very happy to have more than one... yes, I admit, I think I would have liked to have had a daughter, but I also adore the fact that I have sons. Wouldn't change it. Just hope very much that I have a good relationship with all the girlfriends and /or daughters-in-law /granddaughters one day... (if so, that will be a massive consolation!!)

I have 3 boys, 2 oldest only 18 months apart and then a gap of 6 years. They are all fab, but so different. They are now 28, 27 and 21. All have lovely girlfriends who I get on with. Second son is engaged and his fiancee and I have always been extra close, we just clicked. She adores her dad and has a rocky relationship with her mum, I went wedding dress shopping with her and have been really involved in all the planning which is lovely for me, but I do worry how her mum must be feeling.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd boy. I can't wait to be a mum of boys

I have 2 sons too (and no daughters), they're 3 and 6 now. I was really upset when I found out the second was also a boy, I didn't expect to be but the realisation I'd never have a daughter* was gutting (I'm not even sure why! Maybe just the societal BS about one of each being ideal? Or feeling like I'd get to relive my childhood somehow, which tbh is fucked up and means it's for the best I have only boys!)

• DH adamant 2 was the maximum number of children he wanted, he'd have been happy with just 1

Obviously I love them, we have a lot of fun together and they have great wee personalities. They also have a great brotherly bond.

It still bothers me when people say "you need to try again for a girl" though and when people are smug about being better feminists () because they're "raising rebel girls" etc.. I feel like there's a lot of negativity about boys in general (as evidenced by this thread being another about being disappointed to have only boys, I've never seen one about sadness over having only girls) and that bothers me, because I don't want people to look at me with my lovely sons and think it'd be better if at least one of them was female. My boys are not a disappointment or consolation prize.

I have a boy and a girl. I feel sad that my son won't have a brother and my daughter won't have a sister. I always think two boys close in age makes a lovely family.

I have 4 boys (5 years old and under) and I love it. I worried about bonding but I needn't have worried. My boys are loving, affectionate and gentle. My children have different personalities but they are all very close. My friend has 2 girls and I find them more 'full on' than my 4 boys. I guess it is all what you are used to. I hope to be an amazing MIL when the time comes.

It is ok to feel disappointed but don't let the feeling linger too long or consume you. Take time to grieve for what you feel, learn to accept it and take comfort and see the positive side of being blessed with another wonderful son. Having boys is amazing.

I have a boy and a girl. I feel sad that my son won't have a brother and my daughter won't have a sister. I always think two boys close in age makes a lovely family
I have a boy and girl too and agree with this. Basically if you're only having two kids I think you always grieve something, whether it's parents not having a daughter or son or your daughter or son not having a same sex sibling. I always envisaged I would have two DDs so was shocked to have a DS and honestly had no idea that a boy and girl were considered by many to be the optimum combination. I just always assumed that having children of the same sex increased the likelihood that they would share similar interests and get on (massive generalisation I know).

So basically I think we are all allowed to feel a bit of sadness and to wonder about what could have been, I think that's normal and human.

I've got 2 boys with a 2yr gap. Their interests are very similar and they play well together... except when fighting. I do sometimes feel like a mum of dogs when they're charging around with sticks or balls

Their characters are a bit different in a complimentary way. One is more earnest and the other more sunny and gregarious. Their sex is only a tiny part of who they are, even though they do gravitate towards the sterotypical masculine.

I occasionally get a mild regret about missing some of the superficial bits of raising a girl, but who says that my non-existant daughter would want to play with my hand-me-downs or wear pretty dresses. What matters is that I love the children I have.

I only have one DD so can't comment on that, I'd be happy for DC2 to be a boy or girl but up until recently I did NOT want a boy I only wanted girls, then I wondered why and realised actually I wouldn't be bother! My nephews are all so well behaved and so loving to their DM! My daughter is a little madam and drives me insane !! 😂

OP I'm in a similar position to you, only a few weeks ahead and a bigger age gap. I really thought this DC was a girl due to having so much sickness, and at the private scan I definitely had a wobble, as this will also be our last baby. I'm 23 weeks now and still have a tiny bit of wistfulness for the daughter I'll never have, but I can honestly say I'm so excited to be having two boys, and at the 20 week scan when they confirmed all was ok and showed us our lovely boy (and yes, it's definitely a boy) I was on cloud nine for days. I think it's hard finding out the sex so early as you maybe hold back a bit of excitement until you know all is ok at the 20 week scan.

The "sad" factors for me were never having a mother/daughter relationship (I'm close to my mum), not having someone to go on shopping/spa trips with, never being able to buy pretty girl clothes and only ever being the MIL / paternal grandmother, and not mother of the bride. My own MIL does my head in so that added to it.

Then I realised, yes I'm close to my mum but I also have a great relationship with my dad. The majority of women my age that I know actually don't have great relationships with their mums, and I know a lot of men who do. My own mother (as much as I'm close to her) has never been into spas, and we might pop to the odd shop together on a rare occasion but we have very different tastes, I'm girly and she's not, but that's never stopped us being close. The girls'/boys' clothes thing still annoys me as there's much more choice for girls, but if you shop in the right places (John Lewis, Zara, Next) the boys' stuff is absolutely gorgeous, and I'm SO excited to dress two little boys the same.

The MIL thing - I realised the reason I don't really like my own MIL is because she's a loon and really doesn't help herself - she's been a nightmare nanny since DS was born, constantly taking over, going against our wishes and spoiling him to the extreme. I won't be like this and will respect my sons' and DIL's boundaries! My DH is one of three - two boys and a girl. MIL has always favoured SIL purely because she's a girl, but DH and BIL have turned out to be decent, kind men, and SIL is bitchy, selfish and still needs MIL to sort her life out at the age of 33. I know who I'd rather have as mine!

I have 2 boys, 10 and 3, they get on really well and are loving towards each other but that might be the age gap, if I have another baby I will be secretly hoping for another boy.

2 boys here, 22 months in between them, now 5.5 and 3.5. Totally opposite personalities, totally opposite physically - Ds1 is slight, always lower centiles for growth. Ds2 is built like he will play rugby front row 🤣 They are are best of friends, they genuinely take care of each other and reuniting them after a day at school/nursery sends them off into their own little world ❤️

I'm an only, and I was really scared of so many things when I found I was (unexpectedly) pregnant with ds2. But their sex really doesn't matter, it's their personalities that make your family.

It is natural to feel sad about not having a daughter. I know mums who have sons/daughters only who feel they are missing out. It is a grieving process. Some people can be very insensitive. I have had numerous looks and comments about not having girls and how people don't envy me.

I have replaced the clothes shopping loss with toys shopping. I am well versed in super heroes and we have an impressive collection. My DH and his friends are like big kids in our house! They are always taking over the toys much to the bemusement of our boys

I think it's natural to want both sexes