I can't be arsed to be a Mum!

[juneisaprune]

This is me 100% within the last 6 months, a.k.a when my DS stopped sitting still 

I just find the whole thing a huge pain in the arse, and incredibly boring.

But I love him so so much, his little face is just picture perfect. He's adorable.

I just cba with the practicalities! I found it all so amazing when he was really tiny, but that's because he never moved 

I have so much to be thankful for. He's gorgeous and has been an amazing
Sleeper from day 1. No sleep deprivation. Nothing like that.

But he was an early crawler, an early walker. He's coming up for one and I can't stop getting emotional about it, but at the same time, I can't wait for him to up sticks! Both thoughts go through my head at the same time. What a psycho crazy person I've become.

I just don't like the day in day out caring for someone else like this. It's draining. I don't take any joy in seeing him have fun. I just want to get on with grown up stuff.

Is this normal?

I always knew I only wanted one DC, and I was very right. 1 is plenty 

Well yes and no.

The early years, not everyone can enjoy all the stages, boring af to some.

Do you get out to groups, do stuff for you, any thoughts about returning to work?

The other thing might be pnd, have you lost joy in life in general? Might be worth a chat with your HV.

Do you get any time off OP?

What do you do with your days? I tend to take my boys to places I want to visit. I quite like the local farm as they have the meerkats. Ok so maybe I don't want to do grownup things but I enjoy watching the meerkats. There's also a lake that we visit. It's beautiful and I love a walk there so the boys come with. They enjoy it and don't take much looking after when out and about

I have days like this, literally just want an 'adult' day to get stuff done! My DS is 13m and skipped crawling but just wants to be walked around all day holding onto my hands 😲 but the last few weeks more personality is coming theough and theres more give & tke which is less boring day to day. I think some people just get on with different stages better than others x

I think some of it I can relate to. My DS is 2, and I love most parts of parenting him - although I do work so he’s in nursery 4 days a week so i get respite from the relentlessness - and have since he turned one. But some bits are draining, and although I don’t wish the time away, there are moments when I look forward to being a “grown up” again, and do grown up things- and even to be able to go out without it being a military operation.

In terms of the hard bits for me:

I’m not very good at “playing” with him at the moment, as he’s too little to play “games” but old enough to be very specific about what he wants me to do- which is generally sit on the floor and watch him play. I prefer interaction, or to lead his play- not very good at being passive.

I dont love, obviously, the grind of the chores

Sometimes - okay most days- I use Sarah and Duck for half an hour (minimum) of peace to quickly do chores, or just have a quiet drink. I feel like I’m failing when I do this- but it’s necessary for my sanity.

Does any of this resonate with you?

I didn't find any joy in the "fun" stuff either and it turned out I had PND, I didn't even realise. Mine manifested as irritability and lack of enjoyment rather than sadness so I didn't think it was depression but it was

No, don't really get much time off. In fact, very occasionally I do. It isn't financially doable for me to go back to work full time (I'll end up paying more in childcare), but part time is doable and I'm just looking for something at the moment. I have an interview next week, fingers crossed.

The only other option would be working full time in London, my field of work earns a lot there. But not sure what I'd do with DS. I'd have to be out the door for 7am/7.30am.

I don't feel genuinely unhappy, I'm easily pleased actually  But, I do find motherhood a bit boring and draining. I do understand why it isn't for everyone. And I struggle to see why anyone would have multiple kids!

There's a lot of take but not a lot of give. All okay since I adore the bones of him, but not so fabulous that I'd do it again.

We go for walks in the pram, shopping is my favourite. DS doesn't say a thing for the whole duration and I get to walk around in complete peace. Basically, I love it because I don't have to entertain or interact with him. But I can look at his cute face.

I went back to work after 4 months. I love my kids. I hated being at home full time.

I'm really looking forward to taking him out for his first Halloween party, Christmas this year I'm over the moon about. Can't wait for it all.

I think I'm just quite selfish really. I've found out that I'm not very 'maternal'. My favourite part of the day is when he's asleep in bed, or we are having breastfeeding cuddles  Again, because he isn't doing anything

Do you have a partner? If so why isn't he doing his share of looking after Ds while you have some time off?

Great I have a DH. He leaves the house at 7am during the week and doesn't return until 7.30 in the evening.

He walks two miles to the station every morning, does a huge commute and then does the same on the way back.

He does help at the weekend but I know he's thinking 'I've been at work all week'. I know I have 'work' to do whilst I'm raising a DC but I can't really claim it's comparable to his stressful job and ridiculous commute time.

I can confirm this because I'd rather stay at home any day of the week than do his job!

It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘normal’, it’s how you feel. I was he opposite, really really disliked the baby/non moving stage. It was so dull and monotonous, and draining caring for an eating/sleeping/crying/gurgling/windy creature. As soon as they started moving I found it more interesting. Like I say, we’re all different!
Good luck with your job interview, getting back to work will probably help a lot.

They get better when they're around 4.

The rug rat stage is stressful and boring and you just have to find ways to manage it.

Then they go to school and it's over

What you need is someone to take him for a few hours so you can have some adult time. It isn't help when dad does it, it's parenting. He needs to do more. When do you get to say you've been working all week and want a day off?

I was very much like this 0-3, after 3 the good outweighs the bad and by 4/5 (years I'm talking..) I'm smug. It's hard work, it feels like a life sentence, but for some people (I say people as my husband was the same!) the early years just aren't fun. I hated the difficulties in communicating, I'm not one for play dough, and CBeebies makes my brain dribble out my ears. They're in school now and I like their company, I feel valued, and enjoying "mothering". It's one of the reasons I had to work, we would have all be miserable with me home. Maternity leave was mentally exhausting. Hang in there, just because you don't like this stage, or even the next doesn't mean you won't ever enjoy it, and it doesn't reflect on your parenting at all.

I felt the same when mine were small. I had to get up and out every single morning or else I would have gone mad. I found the repetition of the games so boring and the same books over and over. It improved wine they started playgroup and nursery. Once they went to school it was wonderful. I had TIME to be me again. I love my DDs dearly and they have grown into wonderful adults. It hasn't harmed them at all as they never knew I found it all a bit of a drudge. Hang in there. It gets easier when they can do things for themselves and you can start having proper chats with them.

Hmm. Honestly I think staying at home with a baby can be worse than going to work sometimes. Obviously DH is going to be tired too and needs a break at the weekend but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have a few hours off doing something just for you.

A catch up for a coffee with a friend would do you good. DH would cope. Honestly I would arrange something soon or go and do a keep fit class or go shopping on your own. You will feel so much better.

Also if money permits could you find a nursery for him maybe 2 sessions each week? I did this with my youngest and we both benefitted from it greatly.

Well yes. This is why I went back to work. My children are lovely, but if i'd wanted to be a full time child care provider I wouldn't have bothered with a career in finance.

It is a perfectly valid choice to go back to work and use paid child care.

@juneisaprune

Looking forward to nap time is normal.
Enjoying the peace while you’re out is normal.
Enjoying the “quiet times” is normal.

When you were working, presumably you looked forward to lunchtime?
Or sitting out in the sun for half an hour on a hot day?
And getting home for a glass of wine at the end of it?

Did that mean you hated your job? Or just that you accepted that doing your job 24/4 or even 12/5 - was tiring, and you needed periodic breaks.

Reading between the lines- I think you’re exhausted, and perhaps don’t quite realise.

24/7*

There are certain phases of childhood which different parents will find amazing/tedious compared to others. The 'mobile but not independent' stage is pretty full on, and the phase I found most repetitive and boring so far.
At the same time I adored DD etc. It all got so much easier when she could chat (around 18 months/2).
But I did find the practicalities of life at that age such a drudgery. It passes! It really does. Until you have another one 😂

It’s not beyond the realm of possibilities for your dh to change his work pattern and make adjustments so that you do not have to pick up all of the slack when you go back to work.

If he was a mother, I bet he’d make the changes.

So don’t make it all about you having to be out of the house 7-7.... and you having to cover it all! It’s his child too.

You need a break and a sense of you back by the sounds of it.

Until you have another one 😂

I will never have another one. Would rather join the Taliban

It’s not beyond the realm of possibilities for your dh to change his work pattern and make adjustments so that you do not have to pick up all of the slack when you go back to work.

He's already adjusted it to suit family better. He can't possibly adjust it any more. His job just doesn't work like that