I can't be arsed to be a Mum!

[juneisaprune]

This is me 100% within the last 6 months, a.k.a when my DS stopped sitting still 

I just find the whole thing a huge pain in the arse, and incredibly boring.

But I love him so so much, his little face is just picture perfect. He's adorable.

I just cba with the practicalities! I found it all so amazing when he was really tiny, but that's because he never moved 

I have so much to be thankful for. He's gorgeous and has been an amazing
Sleeper from day 1. No sleep deprivation. Nothing like that.

But he was an early crawler, an early walker. He's coming up for one and I can't stop getting emotional about it, but at the same time, I can't wait for him to up sticks! Both thoughts go through my head at the same time. What a psycho crazy person I've become.

I just don't like the day in day out caring for someone else like this. It's draining. I don't take any joy in seeing him have fun. I just want to get on with grown up stuff.

Is this normal?

I always knew I only wanted one DC, and I was very right. 1 is plenty 

@Believeitornot Yes, you were lucky to be interviewed and selected for a job with opportunities for progression. The other stuff is not lucky.

I actually got my head down at school, worked my arse off to get good results when my peers were messing about. That’s not luck!

I wouldn’t have got the interview otherwise. And even then I had to work hard to gain my qualification and make sacrifices along the way (nothing major - just in terms of social life etc).

There’s an element of luck in life - I get that, especially as I don’t come from a family where I had a bank of mum and dad (for example). But there’s also an element which involves hard work and making difficult choices.

Sputnik

Self pity is not a good driver, if your presence in this thread is any reflection of how you drive yourself personally I'm not surprised you aren't getting any "luck". While I might be blindly optimistic, you seem to have very much given up, it's never too late, if you give up now you are resigning yourself.

I wouldn’t have got the interview otherwise
And you might have done all that hard work and still not got the interview or the job. Doing the hard work is no guarantee of getting the job. That’s luck. Luck that there was a job opening at the right time. Luck that the interviewer liked you. Etc.

OP, you have said that you would have to be out at 7am if you went back to work full time, which sounds like you need to get to a specific place to do a specific job. However, you’ve then said this job is minimum wage and has no career prospects and a 7 year gap wouldn’t matter anyway. In that case could you look for a different type of job that’s closer? I’ve done retail work, it’s not thrilling but you get to socialise with other adults and out of the house and there must be local shops and supermarkets so you could find local childcare and not have the crazy commute?

Apologies if I've somehow mislead but I didn't say my job role is minimum wage? Or that a 7 year gap wouldn't matter?

I may as well be honest (whilst outing myself entirely ), and say my job is a PA.

They aren't really in existence much around here, and so the best place to be working is indeed London. I miss it.

The part time job I'm getting interviewed for is a general admin one.

Are there part time PA jobs in London that would be financially viable? I miss working in London immensely, I found it a very motivating city to work (although don't miss it much in terms of living!)

Sorry juneisaprune I’ve got you confused with sputnikbear who has been talking extensively about her situation and minimum wage jobs and how it’s not worth her going back because of this despite it being theoretically a professional role - my fault entirely!
Good luck with the part time role. Also remember that if you are on a similar wage to your DH then it doesn’t have to be the woman that goes part time, flexes their hours etc. He has the same legal right to request these things as you do....

Luck

Luck would imply that I had nothing to do with it. I did very much so. Of course the interviewer may not have liked me but I made damn sure I did everything to make sure they did.

You have to make an effort

OP is there any PA type work in local government/NHS etc near you? You might find decent part time work and be able to manage childcare. Or become a virtual PA?

Can your husband get a different job? You said he’s already adjusted it but if it’s still not working maybe he needs to change his life in the same same way that you’re having to change yours 🤷🏻‍♀️ PA jobs exist in the nhs, universities and schools if that’s going to be more useful for where you are - you can also apply for admin jobs with that experience which exist everywhere. Admin jobs can be quite well paid so it could be a new career direction or you could do that before going back to being a PA?

I’d also be a bit wtf about not moving because of a dog - thiugh is the dog is a metaphor for ‘close family and support system’ if understand it better.

Ping DH won't change jobs just yet because he's recently done so in the last 18 months and this has very good career progression for him. They're also very supportive of his progression and he enjoys his work. Not a good idea to move.

Admin jobs aren't well paid here, about £18k best.

June, I know you've got to think practically and finances have to come into it, but if it is viable to take a less well paid job (even if it's breaking even) if it motivates you and makes you feel happier it'll be worth the pay cut. I have found that the time I get with my boys is much for fulfilling, I treasure those moments far more than I do the drudgery of maternity leave.

@DrWhy My particular (public sector) professional role has had redundancies and 50% salary cuts because of wider government budget cuts. I know others whose professional roles would theoretically pay a good salary if they could actually get jobs in the current economy.

My point was that it’s unfair to say that people who can’t afford to work because of childcare costs should “better themselves” and “work harder” - many people have done both of those things already but because of wider economic conditions they still don’t get paid enough to afford to go back to work.

sputnik - library/archive work by any chance? Roles for which there is a professional qualification and in some cases extremely specialist knowledge, but absolutely bog all in the way of opportunities or progression. They have professionally qualified volunteers FFS. That's right. Volunteer roles, with competitive interviews and everything, for which you get paid nothing. If you're lucky you might end up bagging a two year contract somewhere in the country for about 18 grand. For a role that requires a degree, a masters and a relevant qualification.

Sorry for the rant and the derail. There's a Latin word beginning with 'a' that denotes a particular type of highly educated slave.

@GallicosCats My field was special education. I’m aware that libraries have fared badly though. Our library switched to being fully staffed by (unqualified, inexperienced) parent volunteers because the only other option was complete closure.

Gallicoscat that's actually my field lol..........

I sympathize OP! Part time work has helped (we also can't afford me working full time) but I still find the days at home hard work especially days where we aren't able to go outside - old enough to want to move around lots not old enough to have more than 30sec attention span for things like crafts or baking etc...