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Original poster

SIL walked out because of MIL

100 replies

Moneydoesntgrowontrees · 10/10/2018 18:59

SIL has turned up at our house in a state because MIL crossed boundaries yet again (let herself into her house while SIL and BIL were at work). Her family don’t live near and anyway she needs to go to work tomorrow, so she came to us.

She knows I have the same problems with MIL (we’re married to brothers, MIL’s sons) but my DH is understanding and refuses to let MIL have a key. BIL lets his mother do anything she wants for an easy life.

Except it isn’t easy anymore because SIL has walked out.

DH not in from work yet. It’s going to hit the fan when BIL/MIL finds out SIL is here. She’s really in a state, says she’s leaving BIL (no children).

Any advice?

OP posts:
SuperSange · 10/10/2018 19:01

Advice? She's done the right thing. You should be supportive of her; it must have been awful for her.

tenbob · 10/10/2018 19:01

Poor thing

I don't have much advice other than offer her a glass of wine or coffee and let her chat

Does she want your DH to get involved, or does she need to vent to you? Or both

Iamapenstealer · 10/10/2018 19:05

Open the wine and let her talk, or if she doesn't want to talk have a chilled night together.

This sounds like something that has been going on for some time, and she needs some space. She is your sister , so it makes sense she came to yours. I can't see what else you can do.

But be prepared to find yourself in the middle of various guests - your BIL, your MIL pitching up at the house as well. When then happens go out with your DH. It may seem bizarre, you are kinda stuck in that whatever you do - you are in the middle, but you may be able to minimise it (maybe).

Good luck, and get the wine open.

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Iamapenstealer · 10/10/2018 19:06

Sorry SIL not sister if that makes sense. Are you friends?

Mrsrochesterscat · 10/10/2018 19:06

She’s done the right thing!

Just leaving this here for you and SIL www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/

Original poster
Moneydoesntgrowontrees · 10/10/2018 19:06

Oh yes, I’m supportive. Decided not to tell anyone where she is, they don’t need to know. DH will support that, he wont want them around here shouting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moneydoesntgrowontrees · 10/10/2018 19:08

Actially she was in so much of a state I daren’t open alcohol , gave her hot drink. She’s calmed down a bit now though, in the spare room talking to her family.

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 10/10/2018 19:08

@Moneydoesntgrowontrees you sound absolutely lovely. Could your DH have a word with his brother and explain he needs to put boundaries in places or he's going to lose his wife

Seniorschoolmum · 10/10/2018 19:09

Support the poor girl. I was her, 11 years ago and I can’t put into words how truly awful it is. She needs to leave her oh if he doesn’t have her back.

If they kick off, point out that they appear to have driven her out of her own home, and perhaps they might like to think about that.

GreenTulips · 10/10/2018 19:09

BiL probably needs a shock I mean how hard Ian it NOT letting someone have a key?

She's done the right thing - standing up for her privacy and peace of mind

Original poster
Moneydoesntgrowontrees · 10/10/2018 19:13

Iamapenstealer yes we’re friends.

Haven’t told DH yet because I want him home and told what is happening in case he answers phone on the way home! I don’t know what time BIL will realise she’s not in tonight.

OP posts:
MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 10/10/2018 19:13

yes, I think your dh needs to have a few words spelling out a few home truths to his brother....or maybe you?
You could say how MIL is awful but knowing that dh ha your back makes it tolerable, and that your poor SIL feels abandoned and has now reached the end of the road as things are now.
Maybe dh would be better placed to tell his mother off??

Original poster
Moneydoesntgrowontrees · 10/10/2018 19:18

StylishMummy Thank you. I’m sure DH would do that. He and his brother are chalk and cheese but they are brothers.

seniorschoolmum Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Moneydoesntgrowontrees · 10/10/2018 19:21

MIL would take no notice of DH. BIL might.

DH home now. Will update later.

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 10/10/2018 19:25

Glad your sil has you. Just support her and let her know that she’s not being unreasonable. Good luck to you all

Thelaststand · 10/10/2018 19:28

Oh you sound like me and ex SIL. She left him in the end because of mil. She was in the family a lot longer than me and endured a decade of shit before I came on the scene.

If I was you and 100% show solidarity because mil will only further push your boundaries when she sees the effects she is causing in her sons life.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/10/2018 19:31

Another saying good on you for supporting your SiL and good for her for walking out.

HavelockVetinari · 10/10/2018 19:35

Wow poor SIL. Your MIL sounds like a right piece of work! Angry

huttub · 10/10/2018 19:39

MIL needs to be told she's wrecking BIL's marriage. BIL needs to stand up to her. Hope SIL is ok.

Tara336 · 10/10/2018 19:45

What reason does MIL let herself in their house for?

Redshoeblueshoe · 10/10/2018 19:49

Bil needs to get the key back and tell Mil to do one

eddielizzard · 10/10/2018 19:49

Poor thing. Why do MIL's do this?

Layla8 · 10/10/2018 19:49

You sound lovely. Please, please update us when you can. X

FishesThatFly · 10/10/2018 19:50

Complete lack of respect. Poor SIL. Hope she is strong enough to carry out her threat of leaving.

Racecardriver · 10/10/2018 20:27

Poor woman. You're doing the right thing.

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