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Original poster

Help! Our holiday has turned into a disaster.

89 replies

pinkcarpet · 06/10/2018 14:24

We (me DH, DD1 4 and DD2 5mths) are currently on holiday with DH's family and its turning into a bit of a nightmare. DD1 is generally quite well behaved but she's becoming increasingly badly behaved, argumentative, disobedient and having tantrums. I think in part because she's tired and in part because grandparents keep giving her so many treats that she's overdosing on ice cream, fruit juice and chocolates.

We're here for another week and i don't know how to improve her behaviour. DH family have a place here and stay every summer and have their own routine of what time they eat meals which is much later than we do at home. DD1 is also getting less sleep that usual as she's been kept up late at night for restaurant dinners. We're letting her nap in the day but she usually has 12hrs at home and heres she's getting about 9hrs in total.

I am feeling extremely embarrassed about some of DDs behaviour but also not sure how to support her better. Added to this i have DD2 who is not coping that well with the heat so just wants to breastfeed and nap all the time and i have to keep her out of the sun so i am having to leave DD1 with DH a lot more than i would like.

We're staying with DH family in their very nice but quite cramped accommodation and there isn't much space for DD1 to play indoors.

Does anyone have any tips to help us survive and hopefully enjoy the rest of our trip?

I'm actually wishing I'd just stayed at home now and i highly doubt we'll be invited back again unless DD1 starts behaving better. Sorry about the rant. Finding this much more stressful than i ever imagined.

OP posts:

Orlande · 06/10/2018 14:27

Start giving her meals on her normal routine and a few early nights?

LesLavandes · 06/10/2018 14:29

You dd needs her sleep at usual time. Explain and go out, eat early.

dementedpixie · 06/10/2018 14:29

You'll maybe have to do your own thing for a few days e.g. have a more relaxing day with earlier meals so your dd can get to bed earlier. It's not her fault that her routine has been changed so you need to try to get her more rested so her behaviour will improve

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NotANotMan · 06/10/2018 14:33

Yep. Give DD dinner earlier and don't take her to a restaurant. Honestly - they can't be surprised that being out of her routine and missing. Sleep is making her grumpy?

Original poster

pinkcarpet · 06/10/2018 14:40

Thanks all. Giving her meals earlier would mean either me or DH or both of us would then have to stay behind while the other adults went out to eat. I might be able to do it a couple of times but DH family would be very put out changing their schedule

OP posts:

foxycleopauper · 06/10/2018 14:46

Why would they be changing their schedule - you, DH and the kids eat when it suits you and they eat later on when it suits them surely?

Pinkkahori · 06/10/2018 14:46

What are your finances like? Any chance you could book somewhere for a couple of nights for just the 4 of you? It might take the pressure off a bit.

gallicgirl · 06/10/2018 14:47

Perhaps you AND DH should stay behind, eat a meal together. Your family's feelings will recover.

Pinkkahori · 06/10/2018 14:47

Also if DH's family throw a tantrum about you changing plans then they are behaving no better than your 4 year old.

buscaution · 06/10/2018 14:48

might be able to do it a couple of times but DH family would be very put out changing their schedule

Well fuck them. If my DC needed routing I would stick with it. As it happens I have one who can't cope with holidays at all, so we no longer go. You just do what you can as parents.

Orlande · 06/10/2018 14:49

Come on now - you're grown up parents of two children!

eurochick · 06/10/2018 14:49

We stay at a relative's place in France every year so a similar situation. I'm sure we've had some eye rolling behind our backs but we've been quite strict about keeping to our daughter's timings for food, bed and naps (when she was younger). We've made sure we've hired our own car so we could head home if needed without requiring anyone else to change their plans.

LoniceraJaponica · 06/10/2018 14:53

But they are changing your schedule.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 06/10/2018 14:54

DH family would be very put out changing their schedule
Tough. The child's needs take priority over their feelings.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 06/10/2018 14:54

Re. Feeding DD1 dinner early. Just tell them that she's over-tired (hence the behaviour) and she needs a couple of early nights to get her back to her usual happy self.

If they can't understand that, they're a bit dim, tbh. They are parents themselves, after all..although perhaps they've forgotten the challenging bits.

NerrSnerr · 06/10/2018 14:54

I agree with the others. You need to feed your children at a time that's best for your family. We go on holiday with the inlaws and we feed our children at 5 as my eldest is a nightmare after 7pm. They tend to choose to eat later. When we first went away they kept booking tables for all of us at 8pm but we had to say no.

Boyskeepswinging · 06/10/2018 14:54

DH family would be very put out changing their schedule
So just do your own thing. You've danced to their tune for a week and it hasn't worked so time to go back to a schedule that suits your DD. I was going to ask if the PILs couldn't remember when their DS needed to eat earlier when he was a small child but if they are anything like mine they won't. My PILs are as immovable as yours so we no longer holiday with them as it created way too many upsets having to constantly fall into line with their routine. When actually the routine of small children is far more important IMO. How would you feel having three hours less sleep every night? I'd be like a zombie. No wonder your DD is playing up - she's exhausted.

NotANotMan · 06/10/2018 14:56

Why on Earth have you gone on this awful holiday!?

Annandale · 06/10/2018 14:56

They don't have to change anything they do. Do what suits your kids, take them out for the day somewhere airconditioned, and meet up for a drink in the evenings at most.

We had so many generous holidays paid for by grandparents when ds was tiny, and tbh they were all shit except one because we felt too cowed by having been paid for and because we were scared of grandparental disapproval, to make any requests at all. My brother took my mum on holidays he had chosen and that worked much better because they chose the situation and my mum mucked in. (Also my mum was 15 years younger). The sorts of holidays that work for older people and the ones that work for tiny children barely overlap at all imo. Just remove yourselves from the situation, impose parental order o your kids and grit your teeth at the inevitable grumbling from dh's family. You cant prevent it, you just have to not care.

gastropod · 06/10/2018 14:57

Can you reintroduce afternoon naps? That's how most French and Spanish kids I know survive the late mealtimes and later evenings.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 06/10/2018 14:59

Tinkly laugh needed here. "It'll be lovely to get back into our normal routine so that she's not so badly behaved because of the lack of sleep etc"
"Would you rather we stayed at home and feed/put her to sleep earlier or are you ok with the bad behaviour?" Tinkly laugh

PattiStanger · 06/10/2018 14:59

The PILs don't need to change their schedule do they?

Would you be stopping them eating when it suits them? They'd have to be pretty self absorbed not to young children work to a different timetable to adults.

dementedpixie · 06/10/2018 15:00

OP already says she was having a nap but was still having less overall sleep

LIZS · 06/10/2018 15:01

Why not have the odd family night in while pil go out? Cook their favourite food and give them an early night.

BewareOfDragons · 06/10/2018 15:01

I agree with the poster who said 'fuck them".

Needs trump want.

Your children NEED to stick closer to their schedule for a holiday of this length at their ages. You NEED to feed them earlier and get them to bed earlier. You can do that by all eating earlier together as an extended family, or accepting that you and your DH will need to have dinner with your children earlier and his parents can go out and eat when they WANT to.

Your DH needs to lay this out for his parents. He is their son; he needs to step up and advocate for his children and you. He also needs to put a stop to the excessive sugary treats they're getting which will also be severely messing with their moods.

If he can't or won't do this, I would make it clear you will not be holidaying with his parents ever again or at least until the children are a lot older. And seeing if I could go home early with the children.

Honestly. Prioritising their own wants over their grandchildren's needs. I can't get my head around people sometimes.

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