Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Help! Our holiday has turned into a disaster.

89 replies

pinkcarpet · 06/10/2018 14:24

We (me DH, DD1 4 and DD2 5mths) are currently on holiday with DH's family and its turning into a bit of a nightmare. DD1 is generally quite well behaved but she's becoming increasingly badly behaved, argumentative, disobedient and having tantrums. I think in part because she's tired and in part because grandparents keep giving her so many treats that she's overdosing on ice cream, fruit juice and chocolates.

We're here for another week and i don't know how to improve her behaviour. DH family have a place here and stay every summer and have their own routine of what time they eat meals which is much later than we do at home. DD1 is also getting less sleep that usual as she's been kept up late at night for restaurant dinners. We're letting her nap in the day but she usually has 12hrs at home and heres she's getting about 9hrs in total.

I am feeling extremely embarrassed about some of DDs behaviour but also not sure how to support her better. Added to this i have DD2 who is not coping that well with the heat so just wants to breastfeed and nap all the time and i have to keep her out of the sun so i am having to leave DD1 with DH a lot more than i would like.

We're staying with DH family in their very nice but quite cramped accommodation and there isn't much space for DD1 to play indoors.

Does anyone have any tips to help us survive and hopefully enjoy the rest of our trip?

I'm actually wishing I'd just stayed at home now and i highly doubt we'll be invited back again unless DD1 starts behaving better. Sorry about the rant. Finding this much more stressful than i ever imagined.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2018 15:02

DGF likes to eat late. DD needs to eat early. After a LOT of holidays, he compromises a bit to eat with DD sometimes and we eat alone some nights. He gets DD time and she gets enough sleep.

You need to just say things. Not suggest possibilities but state what your child needs.

RibbonAurora · 06/10/2018 15:02

You know what will make your dd behave better? Less junk food, less over-stimulation and early bed. Do that. Point out to PIL that no one is going to enjoy a late night meal out with a fractious over-tired toddler in tow. It's a holiday not an endurance trial. They go out to enjoy nice food in peace, your child gets the rest she needs and you get to take a bit if a breather. This us why big multi-family unit holidays are a bad idea. Everyone with different ideas of what's fun, different routines and expectations, someone is always going to feel aggrieved. Compromise only goes so far before there's a falling out.

TwigTheWonderKid · 06/10/2018 15:04

I am feeling extremely embarrassed about some of DDs behaviour Her behaviour is an outward demonstration at the stress she is feeling by not having her basic needs met - of being to eat when she is hungry and sleep when she is tired. And this is happening because her own grandparents are too inflexible to care.

You should be embarrassed by their behaviour, not your daughter's and you really need to stand up for her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Annandale · 06/10/2018 15:05

Also imo small children often express the stress you are feeling in their behaviour...

BlancheM · 06/10/2018 15:07

Your children are so young, stick to their routines. DD1 is acting out because of the change and tiredness, that's all. I'm sure your relatives understand that, what are they doing to help or keep her entertained at these late outings?
I'm sure you'll be invited back, DD is their family!

SassitudeandSparkle · 06/10/2018 15:07

The rest of the family can stick to their schedule, and you can stick to yours. Take your DD out earlier to eat (or if you have facilities in the accommodation cook there) and have earlier nights. You don't have to do everything with them. Have a few days to yourselves.

Are there any parks or open spaces nearby for your DD to play? Tbh, it sounds like you just need a quiet day in to let her rest a bit.

RollerJed · 06/10/2018 15:09

We've had a lot of holidays with IL. I always try to stick closely to dc routine, sometimes we've been able to push it if I've felt like it's possible but I wouldn't be giving a shit about them feeling put out because dd needs to eat earlier than they want.

Put your dd before your 'wanting to please them' attitude.

Orchiddingme · 06/10/2018 15:11

Thing is, if you were going to live there permanently, you would adjust your hours and have a longer nap. When you are there only a week or two, it's too much hassle to adapt the routine, I always used to stick to it and just ignore the IL's saying 'but everyone else's children stay up late' and put mine to bed early and read a book myself. In theory the lovely long evenings are brilliant, but they don't often suit British children who wake early and are used to a different daily structure.

We did stay elsewhere though, for this very reason, so we could follow our own routines, if you are in someone else's house it's very difficult.

Quartz2208 · 06/10/2018 15:13

You know exactly why she is behaving badly she is over tired and hungry - that is not her fault - she is 4

It is the fault of the adults you have two children you need to get into a routine that suits them

Original poster

pinkcarpet · 06/10/2018 15:13

Thanks again. DH parents are in their late 70s and we only see them 2x a year so we came because they invited us and its a rare opportunity for us to spend time together.

However you are all quite right in saying its much harder for DDs to have their routine thrown out than to put PIL out. I'm going to suggest DH and I take kids for an early pizza tonight and then get them to bed at their usual time. Its bad enough having the baby crying in a restaurant at 10pm at night when she just wants to snuggle and feed, let alone DD1 tantrumming as well so hopefully things will be better this evening.

An extra nap in the afternoon isn't helping DD1. We've tried a siesta from 3 till 4pm and on other days from 5 to 6pm but she wakes up from it groggy and tired and its not long enough to replace the lost nighttime sleep.

I feel awkward suggesting we do things separately because we hardly ever see them and i feel like I'm imposing all these things they don't want which will disrupt them. They stay here from May to October every year so are very stuck into their routine. I did consider getting a hotel nearby but DH says they'd be offended by that.

OP posts:

1forAll74 · 06/10/2018 15:14

i think that your in laws should know quite well, that there might well be small children , small issues on a holiday abroad, so best to put them in the picture, if they are not aware. You do not have to worry about putting them out as you say. Families don't always have to do the same things together all the time whilst on holiday.

diddl · 06/10/2018 15:14

" i highly doubt we'll be invited back again unless DD1 starts behaving better. "

Why would you want to be invited back?

Sounds miserable!

It's not your daughter's fault either.

I prefer my main meal at lunch.

Obviously don't mind eating in the evening occasionally, but every evening for a couple of weeks would have me climbing the walls-plus feeling bloated, sluggish & having trouble sleeping!

Jent13c · 06/10/2018 15:15

My son is one of those kids who can’t do anything after 7pm (occasionally nearer 6pm!). He just whines until he’s put to bed and has done since he was born. He has also never slept in past 7am. I can get away with one late night by making sure he gets a late nap but 2 late nights in a row I’ll have to pay for it with a day of non stop whining and tantrums.

You know your kid, she’s probably miserable too being so tired, just stay in with the kids and let them go out and enjoy themselves. It’s not an unusual thing, if I was with my in laws (who normally eat at 8pm) i’d always make sure my kid gets tea at 5pm and in bed by 7. You can go out for a big family meal at lunch time if they make a big deal about it

SassitudeandSparkle · 06/10/2018 15:15

You are making rather heavy weather of this tbh, OP. It's only a fortnight (for your inlaws) by the sound of it, they will see you plenty during the day.

Quartz2208 · 06/10/2018 15:17

You are in a restaurant at 10pm at night - even my two at 6 and 9 (and happy on 9 hrs sleep) would struggle to eat that late without having a tantrum and then sleep well on a full stomach

eelbecomingforyou · 06/10/2018 15:19

Your poor dd. Sounds like your ILs want everything their way and have forgotten about dc routines. Bet they didn’t take your dh out to ear every night til 10!

Sounds like your holiday is too long. I’d go mad with so little me time. Not fair on your baby either.

Suggest spending a couple of days separately so your dc can get back into their routine. And stop the sweets and ice creams! And eat dinner earlier so the dc can go to bed early.

If your ILs don’t understand, more fool them.

seven201 · 06/10/2018 15:22

Your children can't cope with the late night routine. Start saying 'sorry no, that won't work for the dc. Either me or dh will stay back with dc or we'll need to be in the restaurant by 6.' Stop being so accommodating! Explain the lack of sleep and extra sugar is causing issues with behaviour and it needs to be different from now on. Your dc must come first and good grandparents would understand that.

happypoobum · 06/10/2018 15:24

DH family would be very put out changing their schedule So what?

HollowTalk · 06/10/2018 15:25

Keep to your routine in the evenings - can you and your husband take it in turns to stay home in the evening with the children?

WizardOfToss · 06/10/2018 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liquidrevolution · 06/10/2018 15:28

Fuck offending them. Put your kids first. I like some of the tinkly laugh suggestions up thread.

I bet they didnt keep your DH out till all hours when he was small.

TheOneWith · 06/10/2018 15:28

I don’t understand why the in-laws are getting it in the neck from some posters on here .

There no suggestion that the OP and her DH have even tried to address the mealtimes and bedtimes situation yet.

Tell the in-laws you’re having a couple of days of sticking to your usual eating and sleeping routine, you’ll be doing your own thing and they should not let it stop them doing theirs.

It’s really that simple.

feesh · 06/10/2018 15:33

I don’t really understand how you got into this situation at all, to be honest. I would have maybe done the late night meal thing once for a special meal, but there’s NO WAY I’d have done it every night. It wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to say, “Ah sorry, you know what it’s like with kids, we will have to feed them around 6 so they can be in bed by 7 otherwise all hell will break loose! You have a lovely evening and we’ll see you in the morning. Night night”. Nobody would be offended by that.

Iloveacurry · 06/10/2018 15:34

Would it kill them to go out and eat at say 6, then you can be back home 8ish to put the kids to bed, just for the short time you’re there? No it wouldn’t.

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 06/10/2018 15:37

Why not just say to them (or your DH anyway)
"DD is very tired and not coping with the change in routine, so we're going to have to have dinner earlier, I was thinking we'll take the DC out for pizza at 5 tonight. Your welcome to join or welcome to eat later but we're going to have to eat at 5 sorry(or whatever time your DC need)" that's what I would say to my parents, I never really understand people who are close enough to go away with their parents on MN but not close enough to actually talk to them?

It shouldn't be awkward to tell your mum and dad that (I know they are your ILs but your DH) and your DD is suffering, she's only little and over the course of a week is getting nearly 24hrs less sleep! It will be hot it's no wonder she's stressed and tanruming. In a few years she will be older and will be able to stay up later but for these few early years DC need their routines, almost especially on holiday which can be quite overwhelming for a child anyway (excitement, heat, sugar etc). Put your big girl pants on and just tell for PIL what's going to happen.

Flip

1 2 3 4