Help! Our holiday has turned into a disaster.

[pinkcarpet]

We (me DH, DD1 4 and DD2 5mths) are currently on holiday with DH's family and its turning into a bit of a nightmare. DD1 is generally quite well behaved but she's becoming increasingly badly behaved, argumentative, disobedient and having tantrums. I think in part because she's tired and in part because grandparents keep giving her so many treats that she's overdosing on ice cream, fruit juice and chocolates.

We're here for another week and i don't know how to improve her behaviour. DH family have a place here and stay every summer and have their own routine of what time they eat meals which is much later than we do at home. DD1 is also getting less sleep that usual as she's been kept up late at night for restaurant dinners. We're letting her nap in the day but she usually has 12hrs at home and heres she's getting about 9hrs in total.

I am feeling extremely embarrassed about some of DDs behaviour but also not sure how to support her better. Added to this i have DD2 who is not coping that well with the heat so just wants to breastfeed and nap all the time and i have to keep her out of the sun so i am having to leave DD1 with DH a lot more than i would like.

We're staying with DH family in their very nice but quite cramped accommodation and there isn't much space for DD1 to play indoors.

Does anyone have any tips to help us survive and hopefully enjoy the rest of our trip?

I'm actually wishing I'd just stayed at home now and i highly doubt we'll be invited back again unless DD1 starts behaving better. Sorry about the rant. Finding this much more stressful than i ever imagined.

I don’t understand why they would be so desperate to do that they want to do, at the expense of their grandchildren’s happiness and wellbeing?

We live abroad and visit my parents and inlaws for a couple of weeks at a time. They have busy social lives and eat out a lot. When we visit they cook or get take out. It’s not worth taking the kids (3 and 1) out late like that and to be honest no one enjoys it. We enjoy eating dinner after they’re in bed and they can go back to their meals out once we go home!

If we’re lucky then they usually offer to babysit so DH and I can go out for dinner a couple of times!

Do what you need to do have happy children. I'm sure your in laws can cope with dinner on their own for a couple of evenings.

We have a weird opposite of this with my in laws.
We don't have children, but eat as soon as we get home from work (5ish) - then we have the evening free and can go to the gym, gigs, see friends etc.
My SIL feeds her children at 5ish puts them to bed and then cooks herself dinner.
So we're all bloody starving and grumpy by 7.30 (plus cooking time) and we're perfectly happy to eat with the children rather than hover around waiting for dinner.

Some kids can accommodate changes to their schedule on holiday and some can't. It may be inconvenient but keeping to their usual schedule is the answer here because a tired child cannot behave well. It's your job to try to ensure she gets good sleep and eats healthily when she needs to.

I think you need to be assertive with your PIL and say the change to routine isn't working for your dc and is resulting in bad behaviour therefore you will be feeding your kids at their usual times. Do not enter into further discussion or explanation with PIL.

PIL will be seeing the GC all day anyway and maybe would be quite happy with a break in the evenings. They can choose to eat earlier with you, eat later alone, or eat later with either you or DH. This shouldn't be a big deal, you just need to be firm and preferably united with DH.

"I don’t understand why they would be so desperate to do that they want to do"

Yup!-especially if it's what they do every day!

I could understand if it was a long awaited holiday & eating out would be a novel part of it-but then, no one's stopping them any way.

My parents are very fixed in their idea that it's right and proper to eat late. I think it's a complex from having come from very poor backgrounds and wanting to not show themselves up. It's so ingrained now that it's impossible to change.

DF will only shift a little because DD is the shining star of awesomeness in his sky

I don’t understand why your PIL are getting a hard time here. They are just going about their business.

It is up to you and your DH to deal with your own schedule. It sounds as though you are not really expressing yourself to the PIL.

Happy to report we went to a family pizza place for dinner at 6 and both DDs were their usual happy selves.

DD1 ate really well and is now happily tucked up in bed listening to a bedtime story and I'm putting DD2 to bed after a really nice relaxing and lowkey evening. PIL went out by themselves to eat and it was actually really nice to have a bit of time just the 4 of us.

Thanks everyone for helping me put it into perspective. I was just feeling stressed and exhausted and not enjoying myself at all

Can't you spend the day with them and have the evenings together

Great update. I hope you enjoy your second week.

Sounds perfect! Well done you and I hope you have a lovely second week now you're back in a sensible routine for your DCs.

The in-laws are probably relieved to have their evenings to themselves again anyway!

Sounds like a good solution! We enjoy eating out on holiday but do make sure if it’s just us we are there by 6 or 6.30, which is similar to dinner time at home. With the IL this year we used a blackout blinds and were able to keep DS on UK time so bed an hour later and up an hour later. They were happy to eat earlyish for them at 7-7.30 and then accept that we weren’t up and ready to do anything until late the next morning, so go off and have a nice morning coffee at a cafe.
I do think that your PIL should perhaps view this as a ‘holiday’ within their holiday where their schedule needs to change and adapt to accommodate your your children.

Awesome OP well done