Halloween and SN boy wanting to join in

[autumnis]

Ds7 has probable high functioning ASD and is very socially isolated. He has no friends, never been to a play date or party. No siblings or cousins and no social contact with anyone really bad us and his TA.

Last year his class were asked who went trick or treating / went to a Halloween party and he was the only one who couldn't put his hand up. He was very sad at the time. He's already started saying that he really wants to go trick or treating or have a Halloween party 'with friends' (he thinks that people in his class are his friends when they're not).

I thought I was doing a good job of distracting him for a while but I just heard he has asked his TA if the 2 of them could have a Halloween party in the little space they work (he's not allowed in the classroom) as that might be his only chance. My heart just broke a little bit.

I really want to do something for him that makes him feel included without it being a blatant pity attempt as he can see through it a mile off. Neighbours don't do Halloween so can't do a little trick or treat on the street or anything.

Any ideas?

does your local shopping center do anything for halloween? ours gave each shop a big bag of candy, so when the kids came round (dressed up of course) they could trick or treat.

Do you have anyone come to you trick or treating? My SN DS finds going out a bit too much, so we carve a pumpkin and put a few decs in the window, then dress up and wait for people to knock. He loves handing out the sweets to the trick or treaters and then when he's had enough I just bring the pumpkin in, pull the curtains and it's all over!

It is sad that your son has so little social contact. Is there a local support group you could take him to? Could he cope with an activity like Beaver scouts? As for Halloween, is there a friend or neighbour you could ask to receive you for trick or treat?

2 things i can think of off the top of my head.
Find out which streets do trick or treat locally. Local housing estate? Do you have a local facebook group? Ask about. If you go at peak time, 6pm there are likely to be loads of kids and adults. Tag along. Did this last year when we moved and knew no one.

Oh I do know how you feel, having been through something very similar. It’s so tough.

Have you investigated everything that’s on in your local area? There may well be Halloween themed events on at libraries or museums in the last weekend of half term: which isn’t the day itself but quite close. Try NetMums local or Families Magazine or notice boards in the library. And ask around everyone you know (workmates eg) whether their area does trick or treating: if you can find somewhere that goes for it then you could drive over there and do a bit of trick or treating with him. If you post your vague location someone might have an idea.

I find there are some streets that go in for trick or treating fully and some not. If your street doesn't there's no harm getting in the car or walking to one where you can see lots of decorations or pumpkins outside. You can do several houses on a good street and then head home. Would he be up for some apple bobbing and putting decorations up at home?

A lot of the soft plays near us have Halloween parties, would that be an option?

Are there any SN groups you can start attending? Possibly not in time for Halloween but this seems the best long term solution as this won’t be the only thing he feels like he’s missing and it’s important long term for him to have to opportunity to socialise and make friends.

Any local parties that you could get tickets for?

Are there no houses by you that are decorated, even if you have to travel a bit to find them? You can then knock for trick or treat. You could decorate your house and do a little party then go trick or treating. Are there 1/2 other people you can invite? Even if it’s adults/older kids who he likes. You can all dress up and make it seem like more of a ‘party’ for him.

Good idea about shopping centre, that's a good place to start.

We've lived here 3 years and never seen a single trick or treater and it's a newish estate so I'm guessing it's just not very big round here. I might look at the next town and see if it's a bit more lively maybe.

It is very sad that he gets no social contact. It's got worse as time has gone by. He used to be in beavers but was not welcomed by the other boys who thought he was weird so we had to stop. I take him to other places to make sure he sees people but when ever he tries to talk to others they usually look through him and walk away. The people in his class don't have any time for him and he's always alone at school. It's a sad life for him but you can't force people to be friends I guess.

Forgot to say, we did attend SN group but again, he didn't fit and didn't enjoy it. He's needs are quite unique (not just ASD) so he doesn't fit in easily anywhere he goes.

Is there anything going on locally ?? I have a ds with sn and this year we hope to do a candle lit walk in a local park that has people dressed up and handing out sweets etc. Other years weve decorated the house and dressed up. Ds hands sweets out, ive also taken him trick or treating.

The unspoken rule in our area is to only knock on doors with a pumpkin in the window.

Op. Contact your local NAS group. There will be one and more than likely groups an events your ds can attend with likeminded people. Your current situation is really unfair on both of you.

He's also very astute so any form of trying to engineer something is seen through straight away. I could ask his grandparents to come for a little party but he would be horrified as 'Halloween parties are for friends!!'

I will definitely look as the day draws nearer for houses that look decorated in the area and maybe go out there instead!

His school doesnt sound great either. If he isnt even allowed in the classroom things will never improve.

If others in his class go trick or treating there must be places locally to go. Maybe ask the other mums where they go trick or treating.

You may have to go to a few SN play/activity groups until you find one he enjoys/fits in. Do you attend any for parents? That’s often how you find out about things or arrange to attend things with others (such as Autism friendly theatre/cinema/soft play) basically just giving him as much opportunity as possible. It will take longer but he will at some point find someone who he clicks with and really likes him and wants to be his friend.

You could just dress up your house and do a party tea with Halloween themed treats and then go trick or treating. That’s what we do with just our DC, no friends so they don’t call it a ‘party’ but it’s obviously fun and a bit different.

We always decorate the outside and anyone is welcome to trick or treat. Take a drive around a few days before halloween and find a street that decorates and do trick or treat.

Look for historic sites too,, they often do halloween activities like the guildhall in leicester or warwick castle

autumnis, no child should ever be stuck outside a classroom/isolated like this. I'm appalled reading that. What are school doing to help him socially? Circle of friends approach? He should at least be spending time in class each day, or some of his class working with him/beside him in a small group. I know that's not what you asked, but I was so sad reading that.

I'd get him a costume and go driving until you find somewhere where there are kids out trick or treating, and go with him. I used to just wait at the end of the path. Get him sorted with a nice short joke, role play him knocking on the door/you answering it at home. Have fun

Are you on local Facebook pages?

I live in Australia and Hallowe'en is a bit hit and miss where I live; a mum who is new to the area asked on local FB pages where would be good to go trick or treating and got some good responses.

I suggest that as a good starting point.

I don't do T or T, I don't like it, never have (bad experience of T or Ters coming to my door in the UK) but we always carve pumpkins and get silly Hallowe'en things anyway, despite neither going out, nor displaying anything that would suggest we're open to having our door knocked on. No one near us does it anyway, so we'd be all right - and tbh, our house door is up a dark path in an overgrown garden, so people would have to be VERY brave to chance it!

Do the stuff at home with him, and maybe make some Hallowe'en biscuits or sweets or something to take into class? Would that work or would his class be SO rude as to refuse them?
And then as others have said, go with him to areas that DO do T or T'ing and let him have a go.

Where abouts are you? Can we help research what's on for you?
He's very welcome to come to ours if you're anywhere near Glasgow

There are streets that don't trick or treat?

Heck, I don't enjoy the fuss that is made of Hallowe'en and hate the Americanization / commercialisation of the whole thing; but even I cave and buy sweets ready for the local children who come round.

There really are some grumps out there :D

Hey op...our nearest soft play has a Halloween party on...just buy a ticket and go sort of thing. Maybe check out your nearest soft plays to see if they're doing anything like that.

Keeptrudging - we've had a long road with school where they've tried various things but he struggles in the school environment and can get violent when he's anxious. Other parents have complained and school feel it's best to keep him isolated for everyone's sakes. There's no other suitable schools in our area for various reasons so home education is our other option. He might find some similar children in the home ed world maybe.

I've just been looking for other support groups and I can't find anything bar the 1 we went to! Even the NAS doesn't have a branch locally!

Is his school doing anything?

Friendofsasgirl - nowhere near Glasgow sadly but thank you for the offer!