Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god :(

[redwineandcrisps]

I split from ex 2 months ago. He was an arse, he’s very arrogant / superior, and we split for good reason......

So what the fucking fuck possessed me to drink wine and ask him to be my fuck buddy tonight???

And more to the point, how do I ever recover from his answer “absolutely not” with good grace?!??

In my only defence, we have quite a niche sexual pairing (BDSM) and so finding another partner who enjoys that kinda stuff was always going to be tricky. But still. I have to see him every day for kids and I am now mortified 😫

I don't think any of the messages saying thank goodness you turned me down, too much wine etc are a good idea. Too much backtracking and don't sound genuine.

If you do want to text him, then something like "just spotted the text I sent you last night, LOL " as you are demonstrating no embarrassment, just amusement.

But the best thing is just ignore it now. He's probably waiting for a message so best not to provide h with what he expects from you.

Dignity means walking away and never mentioning it again

(Is he English? It's easier to pretend that stuff never happened if he is English)

Any port in a storm .... 😂

Don't text anything else to him about it. Carry on as normal and if he says were you drunk or on drugs when you wrote that laugh and say "bloody hell, I must have been!" Don't get dragged into a conversation about it and get looking for someone else to be a fuck buddy. He did you the biggest favour ever saying no, even if you feel humiliated, you need to move forwards not back.

I don't know about the BDSM thing but I think the only way to react in these situations is to do/say nothing. When you're in a hole, stop digging.

Asking someone for sex and being knocked back is not as source of shame, as SandandSea points out. Your text to him made it clear you were looking for a transactional relationship based on sex. I don't think you've lost dignity by doing that.

You would, however, lose dignity if you seek to follow it up, qualify it, try to back down from it or send a follow-up text to cover it up by alluding to some fictional other lover.

Draw a line, move on and brazen it out. It will be forgotten by both of you within weeks.

The cruelty and abruptness of his reply totally demonstrates that you have had a lucky escape (again).

Too many Doms use the role as an excuse to treat a woman abusively (been there and have several t-shirts).

His arrogance shines through.....he should have been flattered that you were willing to engage in kink with him again.

Instead, he acted as if you weren't offering something precious (which your submission always is).

Thinking of engaging in kink, with someone who can speak to you with such little respect, is giving him an honour he doesn't deserve.

You can, and will, do way better than this arrogant fucknugget.

He needs to learn the difference between arrogance, domination, and being an abusive twat.

Style it out. Say you were drunk and didn’t mean it....

Definitely text back. Say
Yeah you are right. That was a completely terrible idea! Won’t happen again, sorry. See you x to pick up dad.

And just leave it at that.

Dd not dad

you know, reading this, I don't know how many times an ex has drunk texted me chancing his arm for a shag. And when I'm not up for it do you think he's mortified and posting on blokesnet wondering how to salvage the situation?

Is he fuck.

He's not even let my rejection of him register because he's already moved on to the next potential gobshite on his list of idiots that might entertain his hornyness. They cast their nets wide and don't let a knock-back deter them.

So stop freaking out. You texted looking for a booty call that didn't work out. No biggie. You can always say when he brings it up with you in order to embarrass you at a later stage that you texted a couple of your FWB (which includes him) and got sorted that night after all.

You are an adult female and you were looking for a shag. Why be embarrassed? What you wrote in your texts was nowhere near the drivel of shite that a LOT of men expected me to believe when they were out booty calling. They don't run around morto and neither should we.

Just text him again like you are speaking to someone else also (another guy), don't put a name but make it obvious he's not the only one you're messaging looking for a "friend" but make it obvious you've pulled 😁