Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god :(

[redwineandcrisps]

I split from ex 2 months ago. He was an arse, he’s very arrogant / superior, and we split for good reason......

So what the fucking fuck possessed me to drink wine and ask him to be my fuck buddy tonight???

And more to the point, how do I ever recover from his answer “absolutely not” with good grace?!??

In my only defence, we have quite a niche sexual pairing (BDSM) and so finding another partner who enjoys that kinda stuff was always going to be tricky. But still. I have to see him every day for kids and I am now mortified 😫

Just apologise and say you were drunk

Not quite sure about this...
'I'm actually dying recounting this'
Then don't do it then.

No shame in this text! Made me chuckle!
You could easily respond with, " Yeah, you're right - what was I thinking!"
And then move on with your head held up high!

Just in the words of vic Reeves let it lie

I planned out my argument and gave examples. I practically made a power point!

😖

😂🤣😂🤣

Ah ya divvy.

OK. So, next time he’s there collecting the kids, just casually say ‘Hey, I was wrong. It turns out it’s NOT actually that difficult to find someone who likes xyz. Who’d have thought!’

Oops.

Send him one laughing saying "Thank wotsit for that! Bloody wine talking, as you'll guessed given the text."

I promise I’m real - I’ve been on here since 2011 when I got pregnant with Ds! Penguin date / cubes of poo / the new year they shut Mn etc. I’ve also starred out anything rude - troll wouldn’t have done that!

He’s not really a decent guy though that’s the problem - this week he’s asked if I was on drugs or drunk, because he said I looked happy and was talking to other people and not him. He’s totally controlling and will love that I’ve given him the upper hand.

Bum, bum, bum!!

I’m laughing at the idea of someone using the word ‘niche’ in a dirty text

Will you see him to have it mentioned?
If so, just laugh it off as in ' God I'm so sorry. I was absolutely pissed. Thank God you had the sense to say no. We're never going there again!' accompanied by a tinkly little laugh.

If not, ignore and pretend it never happened.

In BDSM, it's usually the women who do this. Precisely because we're harder to please and it's not as easy for us to find a compatible partner, and anyone who knows BDSM knows how important it is to have a compatible partner. Men are much less requiring.

You won't be the first or the last.

Step away from the drink and the internet and calm down a bit.

To be fair OP I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of bothering to send a message tomorrow as it makes you look like you're making excuses... you made it clear in your text that you've had a drink and just fancy a bit of no strings sex...
I'd just send one back now saying something like
"No probs... it'll be the rabbit for me tonight then... got an itch to scratch 😆😉 have a great weekend! "

Then delete his number!!

"I'm sorry, I'm on very strong painkillers and have clearly lost my mind"

Just carry on the casual tone “Fair enough. Just testing the waters! Night.” and never ever speak of it or drunk text again. Keep it light and nonchalant at next meeting. It never happened.

I sent a reply straight after saying “THAT bad of a suggestion then?!?!??” In response to his absolutely not.

Do I just leave it, or add in something about “thank fuck you said that, wine is a bitch - what was I thinking?!?” Type thing?? Or tomorrow do the whole, “oh god, I was so drunk - thank fuck you said no, I don’t even like you like that” response?!?

I’ve only had 1 glass of wine so not drunk, was just blaming it on that in text so I had a get out - which I clearly needed! Haha!

Lulu he will take absolute pleasure in mentioning it - he’s asked if I was drunk / on drugs / had enough sleep on 3 dofferent occasions this week, I suspect to undermine my confidence because he thought I looked happy. Gah.

You haven't given him the upper hand if you can laugh it off.

To his face, fake being unflappable and finding it hilarious you could have been drunk enough to even type such a thing, and then have your meltdown in private (or online!).

I would say “oh well worth a try 🤷🏻‍♀️“ and then never speak of it again.

Ayn I was his sub. It’s complex isn’t it?

You don't belong to him anymore, so his opinion is irrelevant.

Actually there is quite an easy way to recover this, leave it it two or three days then text and say, wow, thanks for not taking me up on my drunk suggestion, with a clear head it was clearly a bad idea and mainly as I thought it would be so hard to find another match, turns out I was wrong, thanks again, would of been easy for you to take advantage.

Just leave it.
But I suspect that you won't.

Step away from the phone.

Breathe.

Stop worrying about what he thinks.

If he makes snarky comments, just grin and tell him "oh, I know, that will teach me not to lock my phone - can you believe how well the cat can type?! Didn't even have to train it..." Or something equally ridiculous.

Controlling men do not like it when you take the piss out of them.

Stop trying to grovel!

I wouldn't get too het up by it. It's not like you made an impassioned 'but I luurrrvvveee you pleeeeaaasssee take me baaaackk!!!' with emojis. IMO you made a request that he think about being fuck buddies because you enjoyed the sex you had with him. Your message certainly wasn't begging or pleading in nature. Other than the 'xxx's you included, which I oppose on principle.

You asked, he (not very graciously) said no. Move on and act as if it never happened.

Djnoun you were actually on my other thread when we split up and I was beginning to realise he was abusive (slower than other posters would have liked!) thank you for your help

Gambling I like that. I feel desperately like I want to take back his power some how - which I realise is impossible and too late, but any suggestions are welcome and making me feel marginally better!