Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

[widgetbeana]

I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

My DH , MIL and SIL were all with us, lots of eyes for my own 2 children

What sort of mother reacts badly to an adult restraining their child who is lashing out and hurting other children!

The only bad reaction should be mortification that things have got out of hand. Not outrage that someone has been responsible enough to speak to their child and stop them.

Said as a mother of a 3 year old who is capable of doing serious damage. I've only seen him really hit out a couple of times but my goodness, they can be strong.

I think the responses on this thread are really sad. We're teaching our children to grow up in a bubble with fear of strangers and an unwillingness to engage. I am a big believer in the theory that "it takes a village". Children need to know that just because their parent isn't around to watch them, doesn't mean other responsible members of the community will let them get away with whatever they want. Similarly, Id like to think that approach continues when you're a grown up - this attitude of "never interfere" is a real blight on our society. I helped an older blind lady across the road recently. She had one of those cards that asks for help but to be honest, it was quite hard to see. But I saw her from a good 50m away and watched as person after person walked past her - most, I'm sure, because they didn't understand what she needed and were too afraid to stop and ask if she needed help.

It's clear this child was overwrought. It's also clear the mother was struggling. OP reacted, kindly and appropriately, and that's absolutely fine.

The mother's reaction kind of indicates that she really isn't taking this seriously enough and isn't taking responsibility (hence her discomfort at you taking responsibility) which is probably why it's happening. She wondered what business of yours it was to protect children. Clearly, she doesn't see it as her own business either which is why your hand was forced. I feel sorry for the child.

You did the right thing. What if a child had fallen of the slide, whilst he was hitting them? You intervening could have saved some children a nasty accident (sorry watch too much casualty) but you just don't know how it could have turned out. Well done she was probably very embarrassed and why she cried.

It wasn't just about the 3 year old or even the kids being bashed though. It's about demonstrating that we don't stand by and allow people to be hurt. I mean nobody really blames the bashy kid, just a kid after all, but why would you stand by and let people get bashed?

Snowymountainsalways

Are you seriously suggesting that a teacher wouldn't have done what the OP did? Surely not.

woollyheart The mother was already there, there was no need for outside intervention, she should have been left to sort out her own child.

If I was fetching my child in this way, I would not be expected to be interrupted by a stranger (with no children on the slide) intervening and touching my child. I would ask her to stop and leave me to it. I would not have cried.

I think you did exactly the right thing. Hopefully the other mother will step in a lot quicker next time.

In addition we do not know the full story do we?

This is what op says happened. But there must be much more to it, because it is very rare for a child for no reason to start hitting those around him. My guess is that the other children were trying to push him out of the way or were threatening him in some way because they had run out of patience.

The point is we do not know do we. We are only taking the op's word that he was the one and only one lashing out.

Where were all the other parents? Maybe they didn't feel the need to get involved. Obviously as they didn't, and therefore could not have felt that compromised.

I was slapped many years ago in soft play by a mother after I told a child off for kicking mine. She was made to leave and banned from the soft play though. So I am aware parents might get physical.

ywnbu

I hope i would react similarly.

I'm quite shocked at some of the responses.

I'm also shocked that the mother indicated that you should have let her child continue to hit another child.... who she thought was yours at the time of telling you this!

OP has already said that there were parents at the bottom of the slide calling to the children. If I remember correctly, she said one was breastfeeding, one had a toddler, and one was pregnant.

So she was the only one capable of climbing up.

most mothers would react very badly to a stranger touching their children and telling them off

Would they? When they know their own child is hurting other children at the top of a slide? When you have just stopped their child from hurting more children?

I would have been embarrassed and horrified that my child was behaving like that and I couldn't stop them, that so many children were hurt and endangered, that many of those children could have been very very scared and may be affected in the future, at least may not want to use the slide again (and that isn't far-fetched).

I would have been very grateful and relieved that someone had managed to put a stop to it all before worse happened.

I don't know any mum at all who wouldn't feel as I would have in that situation.

Being angry that someone had touched my child in the course of saving the situation would have been the least of my worries. Angry about it would be a complete transference of blame and really rather stupid reaction.

Ofcourse you didn't do anything wrong. I was once stood at the bottom of a slide at soft play in the under 4 area. A little girl around 1 was toddling at the bottom of a slide. A boy around 6 saw her at the bottom but came flying down the slide anyway. I caught him on his way down. If I hadn't the girl would have been wiped out. I don't regret it.

I've been to many playgrounds with children. If your child stands at the top of the slide and a queue build up, you remove them. The other children might well have been jostling him - they may not have been able to help it if they are getting pressure from behind.

It's a way of teaching children that they can't be inconsiderate and hog the top of the slide for ever. If other children want to go down, you have to go down yourself or make way. This mother should know that - but she may have learned it now.

I was slapped many years ago in soft play by a mother after I told a child off for kicking mine. She was made to leave and banned from the soft play though. So I am aware parents might get physical

I have raised children for fourteen years and I have never even had as much as a cross word with another parent. And yet you have managed to have all of these horrible experiences? Surely this is telling you that you are getting far too involved with other people's children. If someone felt the need to actually slap you what on earth did you do? I have neve heard or seen anything like this.
You know you have been too heavy handed with this child, and you are coming on here possibly to look for reassurance because you went too far yesterday.

most mothers would react very badly to a stranger touching their children and telling them off

Nope. And the OP wasn't telling the child off. She was just explaining why she was doing what she was doing. I would expect this from another mother TBH.

I would be really embarrassed though, and tbh I might cry. But doesn't mean you shouldn't have done it.

You know you have been too heavy handed with this child, and you are coming on here possibly to look for reassurance because you went too far yesterday.

The OP has already said she's coming on to check her perspective was reasonable . You could do with a bit of that, snowy.

These two are the only two instances I swear!
The soft play her son cam up and tried to stamp on my hand as I was sitting in the floor and then kicked my daughter in the back. I told him to stop. She came storming over shouting and screaming. She then slapped me. The staff told me it wasn't the first time she has got in someone's face or shoved a parent. She didn't sound well.

it is very rare for a child for no reason to start hitting those around him

Lol. Count yourself lucky.

Would I be angry if a stranger laid hands on my child, absolutely. However I would never allowed my child's behaviour to escalate to the point another parent had to intervene. A 3 year old lashing out at other children is never acceptable

widgetbeana

And you know with absolute cast iron certainty that nobody pushed or hurt/pinched or did something to hurt the 3 year old at the top of the slide where it would be hard to see?