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Original poster

Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

570 replies

widgetbeana · 24/09/2018 11:28

I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

OP posts:

Goingonandonandon · 24/09/2018 13:30

I have a very strong feeling that your story doesn't stack up and that the other mum would give a very different account of the event.
First of all I can't believe that the child was at the top of the slide for 3 or 4 minutes. All the other kids would have left by then. 4 minutes is a long time. Secondly, I bet my best knickers that the way you spoke to her and the child was not all nicy nicy and kind. Thirdly, mind your own business. You should know by now that you don't tell other children off. It's not your job.

Mookatron · 24/09/2018 13:31

snowy it doesn't matter what the cause was. It needed to stop. The OP stopped it.

cutitout · 24/09/2018 13:32

meh if she can't parent her child then someone else will. Obviously she wasn't dealing with it and other kids were getting hurt. I don't mind if parent's let their kids rule the roost? (I guess that's the expression, not my first language) and but if they don't intervene when their kid starts hurting my child then I sure will intervene myself as then it involves my child. She needs to get over herself. Bad day doesn't mean that it should start affecting other people.

Original poster

widgetbeana · 24/09/2018 13:32

I don't know that no one called him a name or pinched him. I never said I did. I simply know he was wildly hitting other children so I held his hands and calmly (yes calmly) told him don't hit them it's not kind.

I don't know why he started it, it wasn't my intention to start an investigation. Simply to stop the hurting.

OP posts:

Original poster

widgetbeana · 24/09/2018 13:34

I did speak nicely and calmly, I was even down on his level (as it was a treehouse with a child height roof)

OP posts:

Snowymountainsalways · 24/09/2018 13:37

So you have no idea what happened to him in the lead up to the lashing out. No idea at all. And yet you still thought it was your job to spring up the slide ahead of the mother climbing up the stairs to hold her child's hands and tell him off???

You are right it wasn't your job to lead an investigation, it wasn't your job to do anything at all. How do you know you didn't hurt him?

He was probably very very scared seeing a fully grown woman hurl herself up the slide and grab hold of him. No wonder his mother was in tears.

You had no idea if he was even hurt, you didn't even stop to find out (even though it is not your job to do so!)

My guess is that the other children got fed up and start pushing him.

You had no right to do what you did.

Original poster

widgetbeana · 24/09/2018 13:39

I don't agree, but that's ok. Thank you for your perspective.

OP posts:

Wdigin2this · 24/09/2018 13:39

I would have done the same thing, and I wouldn’t be worrying about it either!

Mookatron · 24/09/2018 13:39

You are very expert at making a perfectly ordinary statement into an incredibly emotive one, snowy. I've noticed that elsewhere.

Hideandgo · 24/09/2018 13:39

It’s the mothers fault someone else had to step in. She could have solved the whole problem a lot sooner. Nobody would be up slide to hold my kids arms because they’d see me taking proper action very promptly. And if I was a bit away and couldn’t get there then I’d be glad someone stopped him or her on my behalf.

LydiaLunch7 · 24/09/2018 13:40

Lol snowy, is this a parody of the classic hyperbolic and fantastical mumsnet interpretation of simple OP? Because you're doing a great job if so.

Hideandgo · 24/09/2018 13:41

Lol Snowy! Nicely done.

Snowymountainsalways · 24/09/2018 13:42

You are welcome widgetbeana perhaps look at it from a toddler's perspective.
He may have been scared of the slide, he may well have felt very threatened by all the other children. You added to that by running up the slide and holding his hands and telling him off. He doesn't eve know you and would have been frightened.

I can't say that I would ever have done that to a 3 year old child.

dustarr73 · 24/09/2018 13:42

The op cant see around corners.Well if the mother was slow getting to him,i see no harm in the op interfering.

All the posters on here giving out to the op wouldnt be so blase if it was your child getting a slap.Bet you be glad someone would interfere.

Dodie66 · 24/09/2018 13:43

I think what you said about understanding might have been what made her cry. She might well be struggling and you saying that made her emotional. It might not have been the fact that you intervened.

Maybe try and see her again and have a chat with her

Snowymountainsalways · 24/09/2018 13:45

dustarr73 M you are absolutely right, then the parents of the children being 'hit' should have intervened not op. Her children weren't even there.

Mookatron · 24/09/2018 13:47

But then, imagine being a small child at the top of a slide. Perhaps you are only two, and it is your first time on a slide. You're queuing patiently, like all the big boys and girls. And then suddenly, pow! a bigger boy has whacked you across the face! Slam! The child next to you gets it on the chin. Is that the big boys mummy? Why isn't he doing anything? Smack! The little boy in the red jumper gets a taste. Nobody is doing anything to help! This big boy is hurting you all for no reason and you are stranded, stranded on the top of the big slide in the park, abandoned...

You get my point. There was an incident on the slide. The OP stopped it. I think she was fine. I'm sorry for the crying mum but, well, really.

Trampire · 24/09/2018 13:47

Snowy why have you put 'hit' in inverted commas? Do you think a 3yr old can't hit? Do you think the OP is lying?

Snowymountainsalways · 24/09/2018 13:49

Trampire There is a possibility that op is exaggerating what the three year old did, because if had been that bad I am sure their own parents would have been climbing up the slide long before op.

DorasBob · 24/09/2018 13:49

Good grief.
You can totally tell the posters who have out of control violent toddlers at home and are trying to normalise it

cholka · 24/09/2018 13:50

So much hand wringing and hysterics on here! He was being a little shit and you acted on impulse to stop him. Quite right too.
The mother was probably crying because she was so ineffectual!

woollyheart · 24/09/2018 13:50

I have been knocked over by a strong 3 year old. I hadn't done anything to annoy him. I don't think he even noticed he had done it...

I don't think being hit by a 3 year old is necessarily painless. Especially if you are only a similar age yourself.

CocoDeMoll · 24/09/2018 13:52

Oh that poor Mum.

I’m sure you’re coming from a good place but when you have to repeatedly deal with toddler ‘violence’ and managing it in public it grinds you down. I would have felt hurt and humiliated at your actions but I wouldn’t have said anything but sorry Ro you and the others in the park.

notacooldad · 24/09/2018 13:52

Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping

NickNacky Even then I’m appaled that all these adults are shouting at a scared young child who appears to be lashing out when stressed out. How did that help the situation?

So you are ok about having your child hit across the head really hard are just because a kid is stressed?

I agree with Nicknacky a bunch of adults all shouting at a 3 year old would be terrifying and clearly wasnt helping the sitaution at all
So they are seeing kids being hit, they are frightened of intervening and mum is saying 'it's ok darling' when it clearly isn't?
Sounds bloody awful OP.
Everybody is assuming SEN however just by reading this I would wonder ( no evidence of course) if he had witnessed DV at home and repeating what he has seen.
In my work I have seen a 3.5 year old kick and hit his mother because that's what dad does and call me a motherfucker because sadly that's normal language in that house.
Who knows?
OP! I would just shake the comment off now.

Original poster

widgetbeana · 24/09/2018 13:52

I see that @Snowymountainsalways but what about the perspective of the other 3, 4, 5 year olds who were watching adults not doing anything?

OP posts:

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