Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

[widgetbeana]

I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

I think you did the right thing to be honest. He was left for far too long.

Why was her hurt causing me to think more than the children?

Her hurt was different, perhaps? Hers is surely about shame, frustration, impotence, despair. Theirs was more simple and although its horrible for them, probably resolved quickly, definitely consoled by parents. Plus the fact that children crying is a fairly every day thing whereas as adults we only tend to cry in public when things feel pretty enormous.

I don't think you did hurt her though? I think the whole situation sounds pretty overwhelming for her and I don't think your actions made it any worse. I've had days where I've had to jokingly tell people "don't be kind to me now, you'll only start me crying..."

I'd ignore her friend's reaction - I guess she was feeling defensive which is probably a good quality in a friend!

YWNBU - I would have been grateful you had helped, though probably embarrassed at the behaviour. Some of the posters on here need to get a grip with the “touching someone else’s child” nonsense - you held his hands to stop him hitting!

This morning I helped a child I didn’t know who was half fallen out of a plastic car at playgroup and a bit stuck and sad as I was the nearest adult. Clearly I should have just left her to it! Thankfully her Mum isn’t mad and said thank you!

To those of you saying that the other parents were there, how do you know that the parents of the children actually being hit were there? I often go to the park with several children. If I was helping a younger one, I wouldn't immediately be able to get to the other ones - I would have to make sure the younger one is safe first.

I would be very grateful if someone intervened if one of the children I took to the park was causing trouble or if they were being hit.

imamouseduh I hope you submitted a very quick dbs form in advance.

And this “it’s ok for strangers to touch you” in certain situations blurs the lines.

I pulled someone.s child out of an escalator the other day (stuck shoe and mum couldn't get to them). Thankfully the mum said "thanks", not "don't touch my child". It is ok in certain circumstances.

The mother was fortunate that you got there before one of the other kids decided that they'd had enough of being a human punch bag and fought back.

OFGS stopping a child from hurting themselves in absense of their own parent is not the same as restraining a child when their parent is already on the way!

The mum was there, you raced her to discipline her child. No wonder she felt impotent.

I think strangers have helped my children down from trees. Should have left them up there, food bill would have been cheaper.

At the point where the op held the child's hands the mum wasn't there. With the benefit of hindsight she wasn't far behind.

@StealthPolarBear
I think strangers have helped my children down from trees. Should have left them up there, food bill would have been cheaper.

I just bowled over laughing!

Even if she was only 10 seconds behind that is a long time for the children who are being hit and can't get away. Maybe they were older and tolerant, or maybe toddlers who were terrified.

YANBU. I'd have done the same. She let it go on for far too long. The other children were really well behaved - I'm surprised one of them didn't push him down!

Some posters on MN are a bit weird about insisting everyone is 100% responsible for their own child 100% of the time. It's the same attitude you see on threads about parents hoping their children's grandparents might want to look after them once in a while... I don't get it. Back in the real world - in this particular pocket of grimy suburban London, anyway - I don't see this reluctance to step in when needed. If I'm the nearest adult when a child falls over or starts hitting or whatever and I don't see a parent materialising fairly instantly, I don't think twice about stepping in til they get there. I expect others to do the same when it's my kid and I'm breastfeeding or whatever and slow to intervene. I have literally never ever had any problem or drama about this and if it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't know it could provoke such angst!

FFS, the mother should have stepped in as soon as he started arsing around. Why do adults pander to this crap? 'Henry, you need to slide down or get off and let the otger children on the slide. Now. If I have to come up there we will leave the park.' Etc.

I spoke sharply to a couple of kids throwing sand in a park. Waited for a minute or two, no sign of parents, so spoke sharply to them. They stopped immediately and apologised and the carried on with their play without throwing. Job done.

It doesn't sound like you made her cry tbh OP. It sounds like it was a very stressful and upsetting experience and that made her cry.

But YWNBU and I'd have done the same thing. Plus, restraining a DC from hitting others is not the same as 'touching someone else's DC'. To hold their arms so they don't lash out and to calmly speak to them is what any responsible adult would do. The DM was being wet and ineffectual IMO and if her DC was so tired, why the hell was he at a busy and noisy play centre in the first place? Surely that's the last place you would take a tired DC, who perhaps has form for getting stressed and lashing out?

I had an issue years ago ina cafe when a little boy grabbed my nephews hair and wouldn’t let go. Boy was about three nephew about four. Nephew was screaming, mother was nowhere to be seen so I gently held the boys wrist to make him let go.

Mum came over tearful and apologised. Sent my nephew sweets fro the cafe shop to say sorry, at the time I wa ps rally worried about touching another child, I didn’t hurt him but I was firm. I think you have to intervene to stop a situation of the parent isn’t.

Op I think you are lucky that the mother was crying, she could have easily turned on you, most mothers would react very badly to a stranger touching their children and telling them off.

Luckily for you she was crying.

The UK is so weird about physical contact. A boy is punching other children in the head and has already made 4 of them cry (this is assuming OP's account is genuine) but you shouldn't restrain him? WTF.

What the hell snowy? Are you suggesting she could have got violent?

If an adult was assaulted other adults, you would be hailed as hero for putting a stop to it.

Those children deserved protection just as much. You did the right thing and you were nice about it.

OP who was looking after your own child while you were so involved in what this other child was doing?

assaulting

It is just amazing the way some parents will watch their children assaulting others and only intervene when it's clear the assault isn't going to spontaneously stop. Unless they're willing to make sure it doesn't get started or stops immediately, they will have to like it or lump it if other adults intervene to help vulnerable kids. We should all be helping to protect children.

Yes I have known some mothers to get very upset with people touching their children without very good reason (ie emergency), not violent of course not, jeez, but the other mother could have easily really laid into op about touching her child.

It is not 1970 now and most teachers even avoid it.

I am not persuaded at all, that the 3 year old child was 'beating' up other children and punching them. I just do not believe this. It sounds exaggerated to justify the op's intervention.