Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

[widgetbeana]

I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

I don't think you did anything wrong widget, the other mum should have responded faster (moving him off the slide when he was refusing to take his turn or let others past him) she didn't respond even close to fast enough.
Why should all the children the boy was lashing out at be allowed to be hurt? If your child was up there being hit by another child and you couldn't get to them, the mum was taking an age to finally climb up and remove him I think you'd appreciate someone stepping in and stopping the child.
Holding his hands gently is not going to hurt him, but it does stop him hurting the other children.
Just because some people think a 3 year old couldn't hurt anyone, doesn't make it OK for a 3 year old to hit people and if no one intervenes then the child has learnt its OK to do that and the children he has lashed out at have learnt that even with lots of adults nearby if another child wants to hurt them then nobody will stop them.
What if those children are now too scared to go to the park because last time they went they got hurt?
Yes, the mum eventually stepped in but it was far too late and sends the message that only your parents will intervene if you're being hurt or doing the hurting.
It's absolutely ridiculous that some posters are actually saying the op should not have intervened because her children weren't being hurt - are these seriously the morals people are bringing their children up with?! As long as its not your own being hurt then it doesn't matter?

Woah, we’re living in an age where parents think it’s unacceptable to even touch another child? Is that really where we are?

The people who think that she touched him unacceptably are acting like she punched him in the pants area. It was his hands!

Sounds like it was a fraught situation and everyone was trying their best in the end.

Humans aren’t perfect and life is messy. You reacted right in the moment... you saw it all spiralling our of control and this little child losing it completely and hurting other kids who didn’t know how to get out of a confined space. So you acted spontaneously and it helped because less children got hit.

The mother reacted in the moment, and went around the long way to get up to her child to stop the situation. And that was ok too, although I think she cottoned on too late but hey, it happens, that’s ok.

I suspect she felt overwhelmed and utterly judged and watched by everyone there because it happened so publically ... and she exploded at you, first by passing on the blame, second by dissolving into tears.

It’s not that she was wrong or you were wrong, it’s that it was one of those situations that feels horrible to be the mum in.

So don’t worry, and just try and feel sorry for the other mum. Take her interaction with you for what it was... a stressed mum feeling embarrassed and harrassed and desperately wanting to down play it all for all sorts of reasons of her own, and you got it in the neck because you stopped her from being able to brush it away.

I think it's good that you can reflect on the situation, whether or not you did the right thing can be viewed in lots of ways because everyone's opinion is different. It was spur of the moment, wasn't pre-empted and you stopped other children from being hurt without the little boy himself coming to any harm. I'd say well done.

You did the right thing, she wasn't getting there quick enough. I did similar with a child hitting my DS when he was about 3, the Mum was upset and implied I should have left alone, I disagree but let it drop as she was clearly stressed.

The poor mother is dealing with a 3 year old who is showing additional needs and you run up the slide and touch him which could have freaked him out even more

Yes, sod the other children being punched, they're entirely irrelevant. Apparently.

Dont worry about it now its done.I in my role as a childcarer have come across this often.I would only intervene if no adults were about but wouldnt touch another child unless they were at risk.As mum was already dealing with it I would have left it to her

If the OP was confident that the mum was dealing with it she wouldn't have intervened.

If the OP was confident that the mum was dealing with it she wouldn't have intervened.

Do you know the OP?
Some people over react
Some people like drama
Etc

Not saying the OP falls in these categories but I am saying that you can’t presume all action has a sensible and reasonable motivation

Just another vote to say that I think what you did was completely ok!

It sounded like a panic response

If a child was preventing others using the slide and generally being a pita, I always intervened and firmly told them to either slide down or climb off. Usually, the parents are nowhere to be seen though. In this case, especially as he was hitting others, I'd probably have told the parent to get him off sooner, if her gentle cajoling was getting nowhere.

OP, you did the right thing in my view.

I think you did the right thing. When in that situation I think all adults have a responsibility to look after all the kids. The mother had ample time to sort this out, if he had sen and was being affected by other kids crowding she should have stepped in sooner. You sound like you were really nice and sorted out what could have been a very dangerous situation. The mother might have had things going on that meant she was v sensitive that day. But the calls of not my kid not my problem make me so disappointed for the world my child is growing up in.

On the basis she was sorting it you didn’t need to get involved in my view.

Also why is a toddler hitting out in a stressful situation showing additional needs?!?! It’s pretty standard toddler behaviour isn’t it? Fight or flight

I agree. That totally sounds like a SEN issue. Sensory overload and a mother on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Been there. It’s a shitty place to be.

I used to think I'd be incensed if a stranger tried to parent my child for me but now I'm grateful. I don't always see her push or not share with another child so if another parent intervenes it's a thank you and a sorry from me. It takes a village.

YANBU you did the right thing.
The Mum was embarassed as others have said and was struggling with the situation hence her emotional response.
You weren't horrible to her - anyone else would have said thank you.
I also don't agree that no one should touch a child. I agree with other poster absolutely - we are a community. I once saw a little girl fall over in a playground and was crying her eyes out - she was only about 2/3. The Dad/man nearest to her was just looking at her so I rushed over from the other side of the playground, picked her up saw she was ok not badly hurt, asked her where her Mum was (sitting with friends on a bench about 100 yards away outside the play area - oblivious to what had happened) and she ran off to mum. I realised that Dad/man could not do anything for fear of someone accusing him of interfering with that little girl - I thought it was really said. WE ARE NOT ALL PAEDOPHILES FGS!!!

If you did this to my child I’d be thankful cos I’d be mortified that they were hurting other kids & I couldn’t get there quickly.

I imagine it’s an ongoing behavioural problem she’s at her spots end about, hence being emotional. Hopefully she’ll ask for help if she’s struggling. It might be the thing that prompts the turn around they need.

You did right - it does not matter a fig whether it was your child being hurt or not - if it had been mine I would have been glad that another adult was there to take matters in hand (so to speak) as the mother was clearly in no fit state to do so

The poor mother is dealing with a 3 year old who is showing additional needs and you run up the slide and touch him which could have freaked him out even more

Very easy to say when it's not your child getting hit.

You absolutely did the right thing. You chose to protect small children who were physically being hurt and probably scared over the feelings of a grown woman.

It’s natural that you’re looking for reassurance. You didn’t do anything wrong and neither did anyone else. These things happen around young children. Think no more of it.

Sorry no you were bang out of line. If anyone ever laid a hand on my child I would be utterly furious. You have no right to ever touch another persons child in that.

I think you did the normal and sensible thing!

You were kinda brave, I would have been a bit scared of getting a mouthful off the mum though. But you did do the right thing.