Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

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I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

I think you both need get a grip. The boy was removed so what's the issue. Kids will be kids at the end of the day.

Kids being violent for a prolonged period of time in a confined space is not "kids being kids".

Yes and then his mum can remove him safely and the other children can carry on playing.

And apparently there is soooooo much room at the top of this packed slide for the crying children to just casually move away This thread is insane! A child was hurting other children, a mother stepped in to stop it. It's hardly a criminal offence. Those suggesting she could end up in court for touching another child need to get a grip - are you living in reality or in Walford?! You would never get charged for something like this, she only touched the child's arms gently for gods sake. That is totally reasonable. It's not like she dragged him down the slide by his ear and then gave him a good slap on the back of the legs. Get some perspective people. And again with the people saying don't intervene if it's not you're child getting hurt - well that's just lovely. There is no such thing as society, just a collection of (selfish) individuals, right?

Spikeyball If this set up is as I’m imagining it then the only way to move away is down the slide. Which was being blocked by this child while themother did bugger all. I guess the other kids could have simply shoved this one down the slide and then they could have all moved along?

The mum went up and down the steps so I'm guessing there was room for the children to come back down them.

I'm guessing as they were quite little the kids panicked. As an older child I would have tried to dodge round down the slide.

I don't think the OP did anything terrible. I just think it is better to get others to move away if it is possible.

I have read some absolute rubbish on this thread and am gobsmacked. FWIW OP, I think you did the right thing. Firstly, to the PP that said teachers don’t touch children anymore - rubbish. I was a nursery teacher until late 2017 in an infants school and I can promise you that we cuddled children, held their hands, had them sat on our knees and stroked their hands etc. They are children, not machines, and there is nothing wrong with showing them appropriate affection. It makes for happier children and happy children thrive in educational environments. Secondly, we absolute can restrain children that are causing fear, pain and even just plain old disruption to the rest of the class. We are allowed to use physical restraint and my assistants had training to do so. I used it many times as I had some violent children - some with SN and some without - during my time and there is absolutely no way I was going to let any child beat another child in my presence. Thirdly, if you think a child is not capable of causing physical harm just because they are small then you are very short sighted. Lashing out in an enclosed area is going to cause harm. Yes a three year old is only small compared to you but compared to another 2/3/4 year old the force is the same as if an adult is hitting you. It’s all relative.

Honestly, I am aghast that there are people who think it is better to let other children get hurt because a) it’s not their child and b) the child doing the hurting might have a reason to do so. I also agree that just shouting en masse at a small child does nothing. That child should not have been allowed to cause a queue that large and the mother is at fault for letting the situation escalate. My child lives a slide, but I remove him if he is messing about at the top and preventing other children from using it as it was designed.

I'm very sorry that the child is prone to violent outbursts and I hope the mum is getting support and help with that. But why she thought it ok to put a child who has violent outbursts in a triggering situation (putting other children at risk) or didn't intervene immediately it started is beyond me.

You did right, someone needed to stop him.

headinhands - adults who are hitting are usually upset too. Doesn't make it in any way acceptable

Yes you're right. I hereby retract the previous reply where I said 'it is acceptable for children to hit other children when they're upset.'I don't know what I was thinking.

Eh? How do we suddenly come to the conclusion that the child is 'prone to violent outbursts'?

Have I missed a major drip feed moment or is that a total stretch of someone's imagination?

It is not everyday behaviour for a child of that or any age to start acting violently towards other children like this. I presume his own mother knows him best and said she could handle it.
From that I deduced it was a violent outburst that the mother was familiar with.
She didn't react quickly enough.

I am surprised there are people who would stand around watching children get hit and start to cry and think it is ok to do nothing.

Not shouting, not doing anything just watching small children get hit.

This thread is really nasty.

you shouldnt really have touched him and as your child wasnt there it was a little bit unreasonable but it seemed like it went on a while

How is it nasty, Snowy?

Have I missed a major drip feed moment or is that a total stretch of someone's imagination?

Yup. Every other poster was there, and knows the assailant personally going on how detailed their posts are 😂

Everyone’s having trouble with paragraphs at the moment. MN seems to have switched the return key off, for reasons unknown

I don't think it's nasty just one of those situations most of us are unprepared for and it's NU to discuss it.

At what point should you intervene then. A child is hitting another child. The child being hit can't get away and is crying. Because your child is not involved it is ok to watch this and not intervene. Really?

What if the hypothetical child starts to kick or bite - do you intervene then?

When does it become your business?

Could she have just been crying because she was overwhelmed, stressed and a little embarassed at all these parents intervening and shouting at her child? Without being there its hard to say if what you did was necessary but I'd find it quite intimidating having all that attention on me and my child and given she was coming up the slide to sort it I don't think you needed to do anything given your child wasn't even there you were just crowding and getting involved?