Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

[widgetbeana]

I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

You did fine. Im laughing at the posters who think you must never ever touch a child.

I’m talking about all the times on this thread that removing your own child from these situations has been considered ridiculous or that any other course of action is “not intervening”. Walking away is also a resolution. In this instance, I’ve said I agree that the mum missed the “too tired to play” que but that running up the slide and dramatically saving the orphans from the burning building children at the top of the slide was over the top and restraint of another persons child is never a good idea.

If my child was being hit I'd definitely be grateful to anyone who stops the hitter. It hurts being hit- 3 year olds can pack a punch!

I love how the OP's actions have become "holding down" the other child, as if she wrestled him to the floor and held him in a police restraint position

I agree the OP did fine, both in what she did and what she said. She stopped the other children getting hurt or even injured before the boy's mother could reach him. And she was not unkind to either the boy or his mother.

My dd has ASD and could have moved to full meltdown once you touched her. It sounds like his mum moving out of his eyeline pushed him over the edge stress wise. Shouting for telling off my dd would make no difference, and you were likely to get hit yourself.

exactly Intentsandporpoises - touching a child in that kind of meltdown (presumably he got scared and freaked out and the children were crowding round him trying to get him to go down, the noise levels went up) could result in a sensory meltdown that could be very dangerous at the top of a slide. OP rushing to the rescue up a slide could have ended badly. DD had a boy at school (now left) who was fine unless people entered his personal space. Given he seemed to be overwhelmed anyway

My dd has ASD and could have moved to full meltdown once you touched her.

And would your DD have been climbing a tall busy slide by herself?

@Kleinzeit yes, she does regularly. She loves slides. I'm not sure I get what you are suggesting?

If a child is prone to this it's probably a good idea to accompany them at the top of a slide.

The woman had stood gawping at her child blocking the slide for 3-4 minutes before he hauled off and started throwing punches... She certainly did not “have it all in hand”.

How long would you leave her before intervening if she stood at the top and refused to come down, Intents?

She loves slides. I'm not sure I get what you are suggesting?

That if you had done exactly what the little boy's mother did, you would be putting your DD and other children in danger. Perhaps your DD loves big slides and is safe on them. This little boy obviously doesn't and isn't.

But perhaps as he is not yet 3 she is just starting to realise this - denial can be quite powerful and this could be another indication that something isnt right

You’re allowed to physically move children away from a child who is hitting, but not to touch the child itself, headinhands?
That is insane nonsense.

How? We'd tell the kids to move away and then talk to the child. We wouldn't be dragging the other kids away? Children who are hitting are usually upset. Most often other children will move away anyway. The hitter starts to calm down and can be spoken too.

You know what, there's no point discussing it. These threads just descend into back slapping.

Touching my ds like that could have sent him into full meltdown. But that doesn’t trump the safety of the other children.

The other parents would have been better off telling their children to move away.

So in the wonderful world of mumsnet, an entire packed slice of children should stand down to leave one 2 year old boy with possession of the entire slide rather than him be removed for being violent and abusive?

Exactly alexander

An enclosed space makes it difficult for the children to be moved away otherwise I imagine they would have run away from the hitting boy.

headinhands - adults who are hitting are usually upset too. Doesn't make it in any way acceptable.

The other parents would have been better off telling their children to move away.

To where? There was a queue going up steps and the boy wouldn't let them down the slide.