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Were you in the "popular group" at school, and how content are you now?

144 replies

TulipsInBloom1 · 22/09/2018 22:41

In my old secondary, there were four groups.

The Popular Group - usually (not always) sporty, a broad mix of academic ability. One of you was always head girl or boy alongside a Nerd. Slightly cheely chappie, usually lead the way in terms of bag choices/make up/music etc. Most vocal. Most known amongst the staff. Held the parties.

The Wider Circle - the peripheral group on the fringes of the Popular. Sometimes pulled into the fold if it became known your parents would allow booze at a house party, but in the main, left out of it. But always with an eye out incase an opening came up. Bought the bags and wore the makeup but just never quite got in there. Swung between caring about this and enjoying the reduced pressure.

The Invisibles - the ones who toed the line. Generally followed the rules. Never cared about being a Popular, but maybe a bit hmm about feeling like you didnt quite fit in. People dont remember you from school. Maybe you got left out of the yearbook list because you just got forgotten. Content with your friendship circle at school. Vague nerdyish tendencies which make you empathetic to the kid who got the piss ripped out of him for wearing his tie down past his crotch.

The Nerds - Back before Big Bang theory came along and made nerdism cool, when carrying a briefcase wasnt ironic, and you were singled out from playing war games and chess. Your parent was a school govenor, or worse, a teacher.

Which group did you fit into? Or were there more groups?

And how would you rate your life now?

I was an Invisible. I think I swung into Peripheral in y8 and y9, then back out again. It was too much.

My life now id say im a 9 out of 10. Happy. Content. I have what I wanted in terms of home and relationship. Id like to have used my further education more in work. I do sometimes wonder what people at school are up to (am in touch with 4, regularly, in my friendship circle, out of a yeargroup of around 200).

So Invisible. 9/10.

OP posts:
Cheeseplantandpickle · 22/09/2018 22:44

Invisible, but with a side ordering of uncool/slightly weird.
9/10.

user187656748 · 22/09/2018 22:46

popular 9/10

are you trying to find some inverse correlation? Confused

adaline · 22/09/2018 22:49

Invisible.

9/10.

HappyEverIftar · 22/09/2018 22:49

I'm confused - why do you think the social group or groups you were in at school impact how your life has turned out now?

TulipsInBloom1 · 22/09/2018 22:51

No just generally curious.

As a teen I always thought being popular was the pinnacle. The aim. Get there and you are set for life.

As an adult I am realising that life is and can be great or shit or anywhere in between regardless.

I am interested to know what kind of teen you all were, whether you are content now, whether it is true, as I feel, that it has no bearing on adult contentedness, and can assure my kids that being in any group is a short lived experience and adult life is a fresh start.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 22/09/2018 22:51

The wider circle....7/10.. very happy with my family but would have liked a more successful career money

DieAntword · 22/09/2018 22:51

I was in the “weird in some way and don’t necessarily have anything in common but no one else will be friends with us so we’ll have to do” group.

We definitely weren’t invisible because we were the kind of kids who did really stupid or obnoxious things loudly and publicly due to our total lack of social awareness.

motortroll · 22/09/2018 22:52

I was none of the above. We were actually called "the freaks" in the 1990s by the cool ones (though in some GCSE lessons the rules relaxed and we all got on lol!)

Basically we were metalers/alternative/grunge/in bands/some stoners/smoke instead of PE kind of people.

Most of my group are happy I think. We've certainly all done well. I'm Bloody miserable but ask me when I don't have pmt and my husband has stopped being as arse (the two are definitely not related)

My husband was in the same group as me....the freak!!

SpeckledDot · 22/09/2018 22:53

Invisible and 2/10. Meh

pastabest · 22/09/2018 22:53

I hovered between invisible and wider circle until sixth form where for reasons I'm still incredibly baffled by I suddenly got propelled into the fringes of the popular group.

I was not comfortable there at all and rapidly made my excuses.

I'm content now, but not because of what my status was for a brief moment in time in adolescence.

BebeRainbow · 22/09/2018 22:59

I was bullied. I had a few friends but we were mostly social outcasts like me. And even they sometimes used to be horrible to me. it gave me an inferiority complex, low self esteem, social anxiety and trust issues that lasted well into my 20s and even 30s

It was shit! But I left school and things improved, and I grew into my looks

However I’m 38 now and my life is good, I’m very happy. And I probably look better now than I did at 15/16 and have way more confidence. I’m also married to a drop dead gorgeous man who, when at school, was the captain of the football team (different school) and super popular. Irony that his equivalents at my school wouldn’t have looked twice at me back in the 90s 😆

CMOTDibbler · 22/09/2018 23:02

I was in the 'weird people who wear black' group. Not popular.
I have a great life as an adult, but have never been popular or had lots of friends.

RedPandaMama · 22/09/2018 23:04

In my school at least there were 3 very definitive groups within my years, and the girls who made up these groups were from forms numbered from 1-5, 1 being highest ability, 2-4 being average, 5 being below average and/or with family problems/special needs.

Interestingly, 'the popular' girls were a group of about 20 who spent most of their time in school slapping makeup on in the toilets and calling everyone else 'fat mongs' or 'ugly retards' (yes really). They were popular in that they were well known locally and boys liked them, and they were 'cool'. They were made up of girls from sets 2,3 and 4.

Then there were the 'wasters' (I didn't call them that), mostly set 5 people; some stoners, special needs kids, people who turned up one day a week, people who literally set fire to the canteen, etc.

Then there was my group, we were all in top set, generally got on with people but were all scared and looked down on by the 'populars'.

7 years on everyone from my friendship group bar one has a degree from a good uni and most of us are engaged/living with partners, a few of us have kids. We all have jobs. And are all (at least the 7 I've kept friendly with) really happy.
The 'wasters' have actually mostly gone into jobs and seem happy. Some of them are married with kids, some single and living fun lives going out all the time so on opposite ends of the spectrum, but all the ones I knew seem good.
The 'populars' are mostly loners. 5 or 6 of them have gone into jobs such as nursing and hairdressing, the rest seem to not work and just live with parents still. Or are 'travelling' aka going on two holidays to Magaluf a year while working in a local pub to pay for it and living with parents. Some of them seem really happy especially the nurses but the majority seem not to have achieved much. Interestingly none of them have stayed friends since school.

My school was awful and so cliquey, but it does feel a little bit like karma now as we're all very happy and settled and set for a positive future when the people who bullied us and made our teenage lives miseries are living with mum and dad doing fuck all. Interestingly, of the 10 'populars' I still know now, from seeing them in town and on Facebook all of them smoke like they did in school, whereas no one else I know does. Just think it's an interesting statistic.

I'm not bitter though (I know this post may sound it but I'm just trying to be factual) and I do genuinely hope they all get somewhere in life.

ClemClemFandango · 22/09/2018 23:04

On the periphery of the wider circle. 8/10-ish

MorningsEleven · 22/09/2018 23:05

Invisible until I got together with a 20 year old when I was in year 10 🤨. I became fairly popular after that.

Cyw2018 · 22/09/2018 23:05

The nerdiest boy from my year is now a top computer game designer living in the States, with a pimp apartment, fast car, wife and kids (I think).

I was peripheral to invisible. Life is good, but not perfect, but that's more because I work for the NHS which is shit at the moment.

DeadButDelicious · 22/09/2018 23:07

I was in the 'only goth in the village' group. Late 90's, small town, there was precious little alternative scene and so in my high school it was literally just me. I had a few friends, I speak to a couple of them occasionally, most of the others I have nothing to do with and I'm fine with that. We had nothing in common then and we have nothing in common now.

HappyEverIftar · 22/09/2018 23:07

If I were to follow your groupings I would be a popular invisible. I was good at sports, head girl, academic, but had my 3 best friends and kept myself to myself. 2018 HappyEverIftar has a lovely life, husband who loves me, still got my 3 best friends, great job and mortgage free at 37.

I attribute none of this to my formative years.

MumMoselle · 22/09/2018 23:08

I was an invisible. But bullied for my being tall and spotty.
It never left me, but I went to uni, found me, got a PhD, oh and husband, kids and a career.
I still feel ugly and a misfit, but somehow my children are doing ok

StylishMummy · 22/09/2018 23:11

I was genuinely a complete outlier, geek yr 7-8 and then I had notoriety for some bloody cheekiness to teachers in yr9. Yr 10-11 I was friends with everyone whilst still being geeky and weird, teachers commented on how I just didn't fit in with any clique and how I was always older than my years. So as a total outlier in high school I'm 8/10, happily married with 2 DDs, run my own business and have a lovely house. I do wish I had more solid female friends

Fancyaruck · 22/09/2018 23:14

Invisible. 10/10 for my current life.

Not in touch with anyone from my school life. Taught me a lot though in terms of how to read people and have relationships with people who value me rather than what they may get from me.

sunshineandshowers21 · 22/09/2018 23:15

i was in the ‘popular’ group until i fell pregnant at 15 whilst in my last year at secondary school. i was quickly ostracised and bullied by my ‘friends’ until i left school to complete year 11 from home. now i am very content and happy with my two boys and my boyfriend of 12 years. most of my friends are friends i met at uni and i haven’t spoken to any of my former school friends in years. the funny thing is within a year or two of leaving school many of the girls who shunned me were pregnant with their own children.

Openup41 · 22/09/2018 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsLikeNew · 22/09/2018 23:18

well luckily when I was at school the American obbession of labelling school children into groups wasn't thing.

So why do you care? why do you want to put everyone in little derogatory boxes?

i think what I wrote is acceptable but I am pissed as a fart, first time in a long time, so Oops sorry if it's not

wa1ru5 · 22/09/2018 23:19

I was an invisible. It clearly affected me though, because at 34 I still feel an instant dislike if any of the popular people from school are mentioned!

I'm still very close to the friends I had at secondary school, so I'd say probably 8/10 on that front!

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