Were you in the "popular group" at school, and how content are you now?

[TulipsInBloom1]

In my old secondary, there were four groups.

The Popular Group - usually (not always) sporty, a broad mix of academic ability. One of you was always head girl or boy alongside a Nerd. Slightly cheely chappie, usually lead the way in terms of bag choices/make up/music etc. Most vocal. Most known amongst the staff. Held the parties.

The Wider Circle - the peripheral group on the fringes of the Popular. Sometimes pulled into the fold if it became known your parents would allow booze at a house party, but in the main, left out of it. But always with an eye out incase an opening came up. Bought the bags and wore the makeup but just never quite got in there. Swung between caring about this and enjoying the reduced pressure.

The Invisibles - the ones who toed the line. Generally followed the rules. Never cared about being a Popular, but maybe a bit hmm about feeling like you didnt quite fit in. People dont remember you from school. Maybe you got left out of the yearbook list because you just got forgotten. Content with your friendship circle at school. Vague nerdyish tendencies which make you empathetic to the kid who got the piss ripped out of him for wearing his tie down past his crotch.

The Nerds - Back before Big Bang theory came along and made nerdism cool, when carrying a briefcase wasnt ironic, and you were singled out from playing war games and chess. Your parent was a school govenor, or worse, a teacher.

Which group did you fit into? Or were there more groups?

And how would you rate your life now?

I was an Invisible. I think I swung into Peripheral in y8 and y9, then back out again. It was too much.

My life now id say im a 9 out of 10. Happy. Content. I have what I wanted in terms of home and relationship. Id like to have used my further education more in work. I do sometimes wonder what people at school are up to (am in touch with 4, regularly, in my friendship circle, out of a yeargroup of around 200).

So Invisible. 9/10.

indivioto = individual.

well luckily when I was at school the American obbession of labelling school children into groups wasn't thing.

^^

Yeah, Americans never label anyone.

So why do you care? why do you want to put everyone in little derogatory boxes?

^^

OP doesn't. It's just a conversation.

I was in the drama and arts group.and also had some form friends who were invisible maybe? Was always practising for recitals etc and telling everyone how i was going to be a huge actress so I was the annoying stagey girl!

Never got the Oscar but am a 8/9 i think.

None of those, but was on the outskirts of a large group. I thought I was one of them, but one of us got very ill and everybody knew and was told about it except me and one other girl. We were deemed too immature to be able to deal. It was a fucking horrible situation (and what 15yo is mature enough to deal with a close friend having a serious illness fgs).

Showed me who my true school friends were. But.. Even the one who I thought was a really true friend cut me off 20 years later when I make a really stupid mistake. Turns out none of them actually liked me.

It's really hard. I thought I was a close friend, but I was as disposable at 40 as I was at 16.

Nasty person.

My autism makes it all extra hard. Actually don't know how happy I am.

I was definitely a nerd at my first prep school. I was also the only non white in the whole school for the first two terms. I had no friends at all. I do remember not minding this at all though. I wasn’t bullied or unhappy.

In yr2 we moved and I was still definitely a nerd. Only brown person in the school apart from DSis. Felt it a bit more from here on in. Dreading anything chocolate for school dinners etc.
Basically rinse and repeat until yr4, when my parents realised that moving around all the time while having children was exhausting so sent me to board.
I had a moment of clarity and decided that I was not going to be the weird geeky brown girl at this school.

I took everything I’d seen from all the other schools we’d been to and reinvented myself.
Was almost immediately adopted by the popular group. Spent a lot of my school life pretending to be something I wasn’t, just to fit in.
Got stuck in that persona until early thirties. It did me (and poor DH) untold damage.

Now in my mid forties, I’m suddenly, ‘pinch me’ happy.
(Obviously I can’t say that in RL without needing a slap)
It’s true though. This point in my life is the most contented and free I’ve ever been.

'Now in my mid forties, I’m suddenly, ‘pinch me’ happy.'

I love this. You're a total stranger but I'm so happy that you have this level of joy.

♥

At best I was part of the Wider Circle. Not until much later on did I make lasting friends and enjoyed some popularity.

I'm content enough now, there's no pressure so can please myself.

I was nerdy and unpopular. Bullied for being bright. Low self esteem but worked my way to being very successful. 6 figure+ earnings, several properties, Silicon Valley startups . Married to equally successful husband, 2 kids. Oh and I got my degrees. Plus I do look amazing for my age. Money can buy a lot and help you stay looking trim and polished. Think I owe it to the shit heads at school tbh. I got where I did because I didn't want to end up like them. So yeah grateful.

I was bullied in school and it completely ruined my life I’m still suffering the consequences at 50.

Similarly to motortroll we also had an alternative group, who liked silverchair, black eyeliner etc.

Thinking back every group had set areas they would sit in in the common room (my 6th form was the same as my high school) which is funny.
We had 2 main popular groups, As & Bs & I was an A/B. My best friend was a A & my occasional boyfriend was but I didn’t like the “rules” of A group, wearing similar things (I was massively into fashion & liked to be first onto a trend & not have the same as everyone else), only dating A boys & also I found there was a weird mistrust/competitiveness between the friendships in group A whereas I have to trust to be true friends. Rest of my friends were B so we kind of splintered off into a sub group although I also had friends from the alternatives, nerds etc. I still live fairly close to the area & have remained friends with many of them, I loved school.

I wanted to be in the wider circle but was bullied by my so called friends- this happened twice that I was bullied out of the group. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me and it took years to build up confidence. It was pretty bleak, I remember ages 12-16 as being incredibly unhappy and a dark time in my life. After the bullying I tried invisible for a couple of years before moving into a fringe group of the wider circle in my last year where I was happy and met my now husband. I was close with my school friends for a few more years but now neither of us really see them, there are 2 I see once a year.

My life is brilliant now but 8/10 only because of infertility. Apart from that it’s absolutely golden.

I went to lots of schools - 3 secondaries

At school abroad I was the English weirdo - didn’t fit in anywhere
At boarding school I had a horrible time - didn’t fit in anywhere
At local comp I made friends for life - neither popular or unpopular - just a small group accepted by others

Life now: 9/10, only dropped a point due to health stuff the last 2 years w family

Popular but also had friends out of school- kids who lived nearby and through other activities, v keen on boys! Was never mean to anyone though, that’s not a necessary part of being popular.
Still know a lot of people from school- stayed in same area apart from uni and travel so part of quite a big network from close friends (have known them all since school) to people I recognise and say hi to.
Dh is from a different town.
Anyway 9/10. Very happy.

@BertieBotts townies and goths really resonates with me lol o wasn't even a goth but often got labelled one due to who I hung round with. I only knew about one actual goth, we just liked certain music genres and dressed like we didn't give a fuck (though obvs we did otherwise we'd have been going out in pjs.....these days I really do dress like I don't give a fuck lol)

I would say before I was in that "freaks" group I was an invisible ish but because I was a bit weird and never quite hit the fashion requirements ("nicks" trainers from the market, Deirdre Barlow specs) I was teased quite a lot and at one point some more serious bullying.

My freaks group made my life tbh and once I left the fold at college and uni I really struggled socially.

Freaks for life!!

The popular kids in our school were the tough confident ones. I was sort of on the fringe because one of my friends was going out with one of the "hard" lads at school so I was sort of in that group by default although I wasn't really considered cool!

I used to try too hard to fit in and it never really worked. I'm a lot happier as an adult because I'm comfortable with myself and who I am, not trying to be someone I'm not.

I remember someone telling me a joke when I was struggling being the studious one who didn’t fit in, amongst the ‘popular’ group in which it was cool to mess about and be seen to not work:

“What do you call a nerd in 15 years? Boss.”

After 15 years this had pretty much come to pass! However I think the effects of not fitting in at such a formative time in life can last way beyond the achievement of outward success.

One doesn’t compensate for the other.

I don’t remember any groups like that at school ( bog standard 80s comp). There were just friendship groups, people of vaguely similar interests and dispositions. I suppose I was ‘fairly clever with no local accent so a tiny bit posh’ . My life now is OK.

I was popular in school and I'm happy now. All of my friends (who were also popular) are also very happy. Sure my husband is a douchebag but I've got an overall happy life.

I was in the popular group until 14. For some reason I was then cast out into the wider circle and rejected, left out, bullied. It was really awful.

Definitely had an impact on my confidence and ability to trust people. I very much keep people at arms length and don't really have Close friends.

I went to senior school in 1977.
I was a freak and mostly unpopular.

I continued to be fucked up till my mid 20 s, when I worked a lot to find out what I needed.
Was properly happy from then.
Now early 50 s with a very lovely life, still quite a freak though by mainstream standards

I would say I was an invisible, not a nerd and I was never teased but never in the 'cool' (well really chavs in my school) group and didn't want to be. In year 9 when we all mixes for GCSE's all the groups mixed a lot more and everyone tended to get on with everyone (apart from the rough horrible ones - all girls school)

I am content with life but probably not what a lot of people expected - soon to be mummy of 4, people probably expected me to be quite career driven and so did I until I had my eldest.

My DH was in the popular gang at his school (the local all boys to ours) he was one of the boys everyone knew by surname kind of thing! People were probably shocked we got together tbh as he was seen as confident and loud and I'm quite quiet and reserved! He always says he hated secondary school, trying to hard to fit in and stay in the cool gang.

I was probably wider circle but with a bit of invisible. Known and liked by the populars in my year but heavily bullied for the first two years of senior school by girls in year above.

Physically I was a heffalump. Tall, big boobs, a bit overweight and had a horrible haircut. And braces. Luckily I was fairly bright, liked by teachers and made people laugh. I also spent most of my life in rehearsals as I sang and did drama.

I have a bit of a bullying phobia for DD now and it did get to me for quite a few years but the older I get the less impact my school years are having. Only have one or two friends left from school years (bar bland FB connections). I have bloomed as an adult, grown into my body and features and have a decent enough job and passions outside of work. Plus I am well loved by friends and family. I wish someone could have told 13yo me what I know now.

I must have been odd as I had several different circles of friends and got on well with all of them. The kids in my class that I was friends with were more 'Nerdy' (into heavy metal, DnD, Warhammer, science and maths in a big way). But outside of that I also hung out with my old friends from primary school and newer friends who were in their classes - most were in your 'wider circle/invisible' categories. I also had good friends who were in the 'popular' camp, via Guides/Orchestra/Drama Club/School Council. I also socialised with the kids who lived on my street and the surrounding estate - they were more 'not in a school clique as we don't bother going to school that often'!

Surely most people fall into more than one group in life/school? I certainly did - as a result of having lots of different friendship groups I found it easier to get on with people in life when I went to uni, started work etc. I never understand all the TVF shows and books where everyone fits neatly into one clique tbh!

Actually at university I didn’t really fit in with my fellow classmates, I was the odd one out. However some hallmates became lifelong friends & once I got a job at Topshop I found my people!