The saddest thing I've ever heard

[Oddcat]

My mum is 84 , I was visiting the other day and in a lull in conversation she said very quietly ' I miss my mum so much' . Her mum died more than 40 years ago , my heart broke for her .

All of you posters who are commenting on how important mothers are presumably have not lost a spouse or, if you have, you did not have a good marriage

Well, i have, we d been engaged for 2 weeks, died in an accident, so very sudden, one minute our whole future in front of us, the next total despair, without my Mum, i'd not be here now.
Mum dying was terrible too but in a different way, in someways deeper, in another way less traumatic but as said its not a competition, this thread is about parental loss.

Well, that's set me off. I lost my mum about 8 weeks ago, I can't adequately describe how much I miss her and imagine I still will when I get to 84 (if I do).
On the day the nurse thought my mum would pass away (she last 5 days more though), I called my Nan to come over to say goodbye. Mum was knocked out completely at the time, but my Nan (82) practically ran up the stairs to see her, stoke damage, arthritic hip and all. She came downstairs and my Mum woke up, asked for her Mum and Nan ran up the stairs again and got to say a conscious goodbye this time.
Love blows me away sometimes, and love between a mother and child is the greatest of all.

Ah that’s really got me , I used to work in a lovely care centre for elderly people who had dementia.When I first started I was surprised that many residents referenced their parents , much more so than asking about their children . We had a fiesty lady who would threaten to get her dad on you when she felt angry , a lady who would make her bed perfectly so her mum would be happy ,and a lady who would continually look everywhere for her mum, she was happy and loved the staff and had good relationships with others , but she would search for her .That used to get me .

Another one sobbing at this thread. for everyone, although it seems completely inadequate.
My mum had cancer a couple of years ago and thankfully recovered, although her risk of recurrence is now much higher. It wasn’t until she was given the all-clear that I actually let myself realise she might have died. I hope she has many many years left, but I know no matter how long it is, it’ll never be enough. I don’t know how I’ll carry on without her.

Oh God, I'm crying. I miss my mum too. She died 15 years ago this December. I miss her every day. Give your mum a hug from me.

I lost my Mum 4 years ago, we were very close- about 6 months before she died, we were sitting in the living room and she started to cry, she said she felt low and that day just really missed her own mum who had dies 35 years previously. I find it sad and also a little bit comforting- I will always miss her, as she did hers, and that's the sign of a good Mum I reckon.

I'm reading this at week and am sobbing. As PP have said, I hate the idea of my little DS not having me there to look after at him at the end. I am also heartened at the fact that, given how many people PP's have mentioned talking about their mothers as they pass, that he will know how very much I love him, and goodness me, I love him so much.

I never understood how much my mother loved me until I had my son.

This made me cry. I lost my mum (5 years ago), she's not dead though, she disowned me. Much as a part of me will be pretty 'meh' when she dies (she's 74), another part of me will be absolutely devastated and frantic at how it ended.

I have sometimes worried that when I'm old and senile, and the barriers are gone, how it will affect me then . Hopefully my smoking will have finished me off long before then .

I never understood how much my mother loved me until I had my son.

I never realised how much mine was unable to get past her own childhood shit until I had my first son. Parents should be able to restrain at some of their temper and not take it out on their children. She never had that particular maturity lesson, I think. I'd excuse it as her being young, but she was 26 when she had me; surely old enough to know that that's not the way to treat anyone.

ContessasGulagSpaDay it's sad when a parent 'fails' their child but I do think that some childhood experiences cause such deep rooted scars that the person is unable to function as a parent themselves . I also struggle though , to understand how people who have a bad childhood aren't able to stop the damage from being passed on.

I'm so thankful that my mum is lovely, not perfect , but the best mum I could have wished for.

My mum who is in her 60's said this to me the other week

Oh God I miss my mum. It will be 19 years this December and I still find myself saying "I must tell mum..."

I know that I was very lucky to have grandparents and parents until I was quite old.
My last grandparent died when I was late 40s.
My parents were still with me until I was well into 50s
On the face of it I look as if I was lucky but when you look at it another way I had a lot of time with people all of whom are gone now. I feel so sad without them.

My mum had me late in life, so by my late teens I was her carer and she is now no longer here.

I feel a very big hole that I’ve not been “mothered” as an older teen and then as a mother myself.

I really, really want to want my mum when times are tough. She’d been unable to help since about 1988, though.

I miss her, though. Whatever I did she thought I was wonderful. I could do with a bit of that sometimes.

Oh ToastyFingers how similar our lives seem to be! Like you, I’m not close to my mum (although I love her) and my grandma was also a tiny little thing. I don’t think she quite reached 5ft.

I like to look out for signs too. I don’t have DC yet but also plan to name my daughter- should I have one- after her.

The hardest thing is when I’m really stressed and just want to sit at her feet while she’s in her armchair stroking my hair. Like you say, I’ll never feel that level of comfort again. As much as my DH loves me and comforts me when I’m having a hard time, it’s not the same all-encompassing warmth that I used to feel from my grandma.

for you (and everyone on this thread, come to that) I’m sure your nan is visiting you like she said she would

I lost my mum many yrs ago, when I was 8. Funny thing is she is still alive .

My mum died over 30 years ago when I was in my early teens. Since I've had my child, I've felt her loss as profoundly as when we first lost her. It makes me cry to think how hard it must have been for her to know that she was leaving behind young children ( I remember overhearing her tell my father and family to promise to look after us frequently). I can't imagine how feels to know your children need you but you're not going to be there. And then there's all that love you feel for your own children, the unconditional love the stuff that only you as a parent know you do for them and realising that you yourself have missed out on it all your life.

I am a handful of years younger now than my mother was when she died. I still miss her more than words can say, every single day.

Now that I have DC of my own, the reality of what she and they are missing breaks my heart - in that respect it’s harder than it was.

to everyone