The saddest thing I've ever heard

[Oddcat]

My mum is 84 , I was visiting the other day and in a lull in conversation she said very quietly ' I miss my mum so much' . Her mum died more than 40 years ago , my heart broke for her .

my mum is 89 now and I dread her dying; I'm sure I'll miss her however long I live.

OK sobbing with this.

Losing my Mum changed me fundamentally and forever.

I’ve lived more than half my adult life without her but I still miss her massively. If I let myself think about her, even all these years later, it reduces me to tears. It also really hurts to know that she never knew my children, she would have loved being a Granny.

My friends were brilliant when she died but I don’t think any of them really understood what it was really like until many years later when one or two have also experienced the death of a parent.

There is nothing like a mother’s love.

I'm with FaFoutis I'm afraid. I can't imagine feeling the way some of you describe feeling about my mother - she was a figure of fear, resentment and (finally) pity and a touch of disgust. Our relationship was not a good one, and as he years have gone by I've started feeling slight relief that the story is at least ended - I don't have to worry about the next development anymore, because it's done.

My dad, now: I can't bear to think of him going. I sometimes worry that people will realise just how much less I loved my mother when they see how distraught I am with my dad :( that's a messed up thing to have to worry about.

I honestly am glad that so many of you have good relationships with your mums - that's how it should be

This is a very beautiful, poignant thread. I don’t care if it’s unMNetty, I just want all of you on this thread to feel a huge squishy mummy cuddle and a kiss on the head to make you feel better

I haven’t lost my mum (thank God), but I did lose my dad when I was 14 and I know exactly that visceral feeling of loss when your soul aches for that person who should be here to see what you did with the life they gave you.

I think that female link down generations of mothers is a particularly wonderful and beautiful thing; you, as a daughter, usually have a particular moment when you realise that your mum isn’t just “your mum”, she’s a person with hopes and dreams and feelings. You have babies yourself and suddenly realise that your mum felt like you a while ago, and you start to think about all the things she did for you, and how safe you felt, and how still now, now you’ve got your own baby, she’s still there helping and supporting you and loving the baby you made because that baby is part of you.

I know that some mums get it wrong, and it must be absolutely heartbreaking to want and need that relationship and be denied it for whatever reason to all who don’t have the mums they deserve.

Sorry, this has got a bit longer than intended. I am just in awe of that love flowing down the generations and I wanted to send my love to you all I’m sure your mums are all so proud of you and love you so much

My mum died a few months ago. My dad died when I was a teenager. I did not anticipate how hard it would hit me that I now had no parents. I find myself half forming thoughts all the time about things I want to tell her, until I remember that I can't.
Today my youngest went off to uni and I missed my mum so much. I wanted to tell her about and for her to tell me my daughter was going to be fine.
I haven't stopped missing my dad so I don't suppose I'll stop missing my mum either.

I'm so sorry ContessasGulagSpaDay , that must be hard to deal with . Relationships are complicated and so fragile .

When my granddad was suffering with dementia he turned in bed to my nanna (his wife) and said, "I want my mum."

Thanks Oddcat, it is.

My dad once said, a bit sadly as he lay on the sofa watching TV: "I still can't believe my mum is dead". She'd died about 2 years previously, when he was 54. I didn't know what to say. I just felt sorry for him

My mother was very unhappy, for most of her life. I'm grateful that she got (almost) 3 years with her grandchildren, though - she did dote on them. She was good with children she wasn't solely responsible for - I think the pressure was just too much for her with me and my DSis. She might well have been a lovely granny.

Ah, well.

I feel sad that my mum worries about me so much . I've had a lot of ups and downs in my adult life and my mum once said to me that she didn't mean for my life to be so hard.

I lost my husband whom I loved more than anyone in the world. More importantly, he loved me and made me feel wonderful all the time. Even though I am no spring chicken, both my parents are still alive. All of you posters who are commenting on how important mothers are presumably have not lost a spouse or, if you have, you did not have a good marriage.

Soon after my husband died a married friend said to me "at least you have not lost your mother!" I happened to mention this to a colleague on the telephone who, after a long pause, said to me, "I have lost my mother and my husband and losing my husband was so very much worse..."

This is the saddest thread I've ever read. Loves for you all.

It's not a competition.

Nobody should be saying stuff like that to anyone, so I'm sorry it was said to you, but that's no excuse for you to say that to everyone on here.

God people i am sobbibv reading this. My mum died 10 years ago. There were times i was hoping she would come for me too. But i have children so not yet.

Lying in bed having a little cry at this thread.
I do always think my grandma misses her mum much more than she lets on, but I admit I've never thought about their relationship in quite this way. She's always been old to me, it's so easy to forget she was once a little girl, who has now lost everyone from her childhood. Def going to go round and give her a hug this week.

I'm thinking too deeply now , but my mum is too old to help me with anything practical and hasn't been outwardly supportive emotionally , but I still feel that I need her , just being in her presence makes me feel better , I wonder what that is ?

That post makes it sound like I only needed my mum for the things she can give me , it's not what I mean at all !

Have been actually crying reading this thread. I lost my mum 12 years ago when I was 33. My son was 18 months and I was pregnant with my second. I’ve also since lost my dad. I think as another poster said up thread, losing your mum changes your life. I am an only child so I found these losses v difficult to deal with. Even though I have my husband, it was still difficult dealing with everything. I think I found it overwhelming. One thing I have since found is that, although my MIL is lovely, I seem to have distanced myself from her. We used to get on really well but since losing my mum, we are not as close as I would have expected us to be. Hugs for all of us

This is such a beautiful, sad thread. I’ve read it with tears streaming. I lost my mum four and a half years ago. I miss her everyday and think of her multiple times a day. I can’t imagine I will feel any differently if I live to be 100.

Like a PP did with her mum (sorry not to name check, I can’t remember who said it). I used to sit with mine on the sofa and hold hands. I still have a physical memory of how her hand felt in mine, and of how her cheek felt and smelled when I kissed her and I dread that those memories may fade one day.

I still can’t quite get my head round the finality of it. That this isn’t just some horrible, but temporary, state. That after a year, or five years or twenty years I won’t get through the ‘mum being dead phase’, that she is not just gone but gone forever.

to all on this thread.

lottie I can relate to what you are saying. I too am an only child and, whilst I do have a very warm relationship with my MIL, something definitely changed after I lost my own mum.

Not long before my mum died I got into a conversation with an elderly lady whilst waiting for a hospital appointment. She mentioned that she had had a lovely MIL and I said I did as well. I remember saying to her how lucky I was because my MIL was like a second mother to me. At the time I would sometimes call MIL ‘mum’ (in a slightly jokey way). After my own mum died I felt myself pulling back from her somewhat. I think I felt guilty about what I’d said because I realised that, lovely as she is, she isn’t a second mum. You just get the one! Perhaps as well, subconsciously, it felt like a slight against my own mum to be too close to MIL. We’re closer again now - but I won’t call her mum again...

This is so sad. My mum died 6 years ago and I miss her every day. We're planning to move house in the next year or so and it suddenly struck me that for the first time in my life my mum won't know where I am. Maybe that's pathetic but it's so hard to realise that she's really gone.

Another one here reading this in tears.

Growing up, my mother figure was my grandma. I was so close to her, I told her everything and she loved me more than anyone else in the world. She only died two years ago and I have potentially another 60-70 years of life left without her. I’m sure I’ll miss her just as much as 90 (should I live that long!) as I do now.

I’ve already done so much in the past two years that she would be so proud of and the thought of filling a whole life with amazing achievements that I can’t share with her breaks my heart. I don’t have children yet, and I find it very difficult knowing any future children will never know this incredible woman who was so influential in me becoming who I am.

I like to think she’ll be waiting for me when it’s my time

I have a somewhat troubled relationship with my mother but I know she loves me and I love her. She is 77, I know she won’t be here forever. I hate the thought of being in this world without my mum.

Another one in tears reading this thread. So poignant.

My DGM is 88 and often talks of her Mum. She (GGM) was only in her fifties when they lost her and my DGM is still so upset about that. DGM frequently comments that she just wants be reunited with her parents now.

I’m dreading losing DGM and especially supporting my DM through that. Even more horrifying is the thought of losing my DM. I don’t think I’ll be able to go on without her.

To everyone who has lost their DM

All of you posters who are commenting on how important mothers are presumably have not lost a spouse or, if you have, you did not have a good marriage.

I think you’ll realize you were misguided to say this.

TheFluffyHippo
I could have written your post exactly. I miss my wonderful Nan so much and think about her every day. I don't have much in common with my mum, and although I love her our relationship leaves me feeling down more often than not.

My Nan loved me like no-one else ever has though. She was an incredible, vivacious woman who didn't give a crap what anyone thought. She taught me how to love myself and supported me in everything I did.

She was so little, when she'd cuddle you, her head would rest perfectly on your chest. I'll never be truly comforted like that again it's a horrible deep aching feeling.My youngest is named after her, and reminds me of her in so many ways.

She always talked candidly about life and death and said she'd come back and 'pay me a visit' if she could, so I like to look out for little signs she's still looking out for me.