The saddest thing I've ever heard

[Oddcat]

My mum is 84 , I was visiting the other day and in a lull in conversation she said very quietly ' I miss my mum so much' . Her mum died more than 40 years ago , my heart broke for her .

I feel for you. My mam is in her 70s and recently had a breakdown. She would cry and say she wanted her mam. I guess that feeling never fully goes away.

Hearing my mum say that , it put things into perspective somewhat. I was a shocking eater as a child but I remember loving my Nan's meat pie , she made it with flakey pastry and I can taste it now ! My mum said that's why she's always only made shortcrust pastry because she could never make flakey like her mum !

DorothyGarrod I’ve thought that too. My DSs are only 4 and 1 and I hope very much they both live to a ripe old age and outlive me by many years. But I hate the thought of them not having me there at the end, though of course that’s the way it should be and hopefully they’ll have lots of others who love them.

The last time I saw my nan she was in a wheelchair and had very advanced dementia. I was stood behind her, leaning over with her head nestled into my arms. She was singing quietly and called me mum. I think she was happy and I'm glad.

Sometimes it's easy to forget that your parents were once very small and may carry losses of their own parents.

It was a strange and sobering thought, Ave, and sad that I won’t know the end of their stories all being well. Life is a funny old thing. I do hug my children tight sometimes and tell them if they ever need me and I’m not there to feel my arms around them. They probably want me to get off

aw - thats brought a tear to my eye, you really do forget your parents were children once, i remember the moment of realisation that my mum was a person too, not just my mum, but a person with dreams and hopes and fears

That's deeply sad OP. But how wonderful that your grandma's love for your mum could still be felt by her over 40 years later. There's that saying that all that remains of us is love. Your mum has carried that with her always. As will you.

My gran is 97. She talks about her mum all the time. She always has. The whole time I was growing up she would tell me how she never went to sleep without her mum coming in to tuck her up and say "Good night. God bless." Nana has said the same to all 3 of her grandchildren when we stayed with her. It's plain she has always missed her mother hugely.

The hardest thing I ever listened to was the last thing my grandad said to me as he was dying in hospital. I knew I'd not see him again and had held his hand for ages and told him that I had lovely childhood memories and that he and my gran were such an important part of that, and I said I loved him. I meant that to be the last thing I said to him. As I went to leave the room, he whispered "I'm worried about your gran. She won't cope. I'm worrying about leaving her behind." I went back and gave him a hug and told him that she'd be fine. They'd spent their lives looking after their family, kids and grandchildren, and we weren't about to leave her to flounder, we loved her and we'd look after her.
It made me really stop to think about the fact that they had spent 60 years together, and what that meant. I knew the funny stories and how they met but I'd never thought about the feelings involved.
Made me think of something I read once. Every great love story ends in tragedy.

I lost my Mum 5 yrs ago and everyday I wanted to pick up the phone for a chat!

There is something about Mums - they just are the bees knees most of the time. If I get to 80, I will still miss my mum!

what isn't there I don't miss - her food, her coffee drinking, her big flat feet she hated, her short legs, her smile, her smell, her funny little sayings, her calmness, for putting up with my Dad- oh God I know what she means now about him - I just miss her!

My mum has been gone for nearly 25 years but I still broke down talking about missing her. I live a busy life, get on with stuff, work ft, LP to teens - it just hit me once again that no one loves you or puts you first like your mum (and our relationship wasn't perfect, by any means).

I feel sad for my kids that no one will love them as much as I do. Then I give my head a wobble and tell myself to stop being morbid

I miss my Mum. And all the others who have now left my life and this life.
I have DCs who really do not seem to have a clue, despite being adults. I don't know if they will ever realise that people are judged by their actions and if they chose the wrong people they are in for a rough ride.
I have good memories of the people who were older than me but have now left this life.

@languidLobster
You are so right.
We just see them as our parents

Oh god , now I'm sobbing . It's true that we forget about our parents being real people , my mums always been a worrier and as a child I used to get cross with her fussing , I totally understand it now though .

When I go round there , we sit on the sofa holding hands and I can feel her looking at me instead of the tv.

I find this thread difficult. It must be lovely to feel like that about your mother.

I'm sorry FaFoutis , I guess it's equally difficult, for different reasons, if you don't love your mum.

@CorporeSarnie my sincere condolences. My mother also had a difficult relationship w her mum.

My Grandad's Mum died the day after he got married. When he was dying 50 years later, he was in pain and confused. He cried and cried for her to come and make him better. It broke me.

((OP))

I miss my mum too ☹️ she died last June, followed by my Dad 11 weeks later. I was 33 and pregnant.

I sat with my lovely nana as she slipped away, and she wanted her mum.
I treasured that lady - she was the strongest most capable woman I ever knew, and at all times brimmed with unconditional love. I miss her every day and I tell myself that her mum was waiting as she passed.

My mum died 4 years before I had my DS. The week before he was born it suddenly hit me. I’ll have no mum to ask advice from about my baby. When I went into labour all I could think of was I want my mum. A friend made a very poignant point that your dad may be at your birth but your mum is the only person that’s 100% guaranteed to be with you when you come into this world. So true.

My mum died in April. Her mum died when she was 10. We had 5 days with her at home when we knew she was dying. I put photos of her mum and dad in her room, with a lit candle. I'm convinced they came for her.

Hotpinkangel19

My mum's mum died was I was 11 and my mum was in her 40s. I remember her saying about 10 years after that "no one has ever loved me like my mum did".

I protested at the time, that my brothers and I loved her and so did my dad. But now I have my own children I understand exactly what she meant. My children are small and right now, I'm the centre of their universe, but I understand that won't last forever. And I love the very bones of DH and know he feels the same for me, but it's not the same "would die for them", utterly unconditional love that I have my children, my mum has for me, and her mum had for her.

for those who have lost their mums.

We lost my DF a couple of months ago. He'd had a difficult relationship with his parents, even so he told us how much he missed them in the few weeks before he died.
@Hotpinkangel I am so sorry for your loss