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Original poster

I'm a bit nasty

84 replies

DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 16:28

name changed obvs. I think I'm a bit nasty and lack empathy. I don't really seem to stay in touch with people as everyone annoys me
I stopped seeing one friend because she moaned non stop for 2 years about her child. Maybe I should have been more supportive but it was so boring
My FIL calls round at least twice a week and moans on about his health or his other kids or his house. I just find it boring and don't care. I've taken to ignoring the door at times
I'm horrible

OP posts:
Veganfortheanimals · 09/09/2018 16:32

I don't like people either,hate them in my house ,never invite them over ..not nasty ,self preservation..all my friends I meet for coffee ,just to escape from my home life ,I wouldn't bother with them if I was happy at home,but I'm a good friend I sit and listen to their shite ,and make all the right noises.

Original poster
DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 16:38

I'm a good friend but seriously two years of moaning?! It was every meeting seriously.
I think it's because I'm quite private and know if I behaved like that I'd be fucked off in a heartbeat

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/09/2018 16:44

It's not nasty not wanting to listen to constant moaning. Socialising is about blowing off steam and leaving that behind for a bit. As soon as someone starts banging on about their health they won't see a doctor for/men they won't get rid of/depression they refuse to have treated then I change the subject.

It zaps your energy just for them to leave unloaded of their negative energy until the next time

whiskeysourpuss · 09/09/2018 16:47

I've just been sitting thinking about something similar... who in my life I actually like & genuinely give a shit about... it's a very short list!

I just cannot be fucked with the majority of people I'm forced to interact with... at work, at family gatherings, even some of my "friends" & it's only social nicety conditioning that stops me just cutting them off without so much as a backwards glance.

For me it's not being nasty I just feel that I'm getting to a stage in life where I'm not interested in dealing with other people's shit or listening to them moaning about their shit that they're never going to do anything about.

Original poster
DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 16:48

I feel I lack empathy

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 09/09/2018 16:50

I used to be very serious about everybody I met having to like me and being depressed and heartbroken if they didn't.
Also used to feel so overwhelmed eith the task of making everybody like me that I ignored people I cared about because I thought they were too good for me.

I have been sexually assaulted, bullied and raped so many times now that I actively avoid people (men) for fear of it happening.

I have 2 close friends and one of them is my DP. The rest can go jump.

Having said that, if anyone ever shows me kindness or gives me time of day, I am incredibly happy. My basis for humans is they want to shit on me/hurt me. So when they don't. I'm very surprised.

Having said that, I will defend someone with no thought to my personal safety if I see them being attacked or treated badly.

Being me is scary and confusing at times.

Happy to get that off my chest. Thanks OP!

aintnothinbutagstring · 09/09/2018 16:57

I feel the same a lot of the time. I mostly enjoy the company of people I can have a good chinwag/laugh with, has to be a two-way thing. Cant stand listening to people moan (too much) about work/school crap. I get that to have friends you have to be a friend, but I only have a certain amount of emotional resources that is quickly taken up by dc/dh.

Beechview · 09/09/2018 17:04

I don’t lack empathy but I still hate people moaning. I just tell them.
I have one friend who is lovely but has a tendency to moan and I just tell her that she needs to be more positive and stop moaning about stuff.
Some people are just not aware of it.

Singlenotsingle · 09/09/2018 17:09

My DS said "I don't like animals". Then he thought about it and said "To be fair, I don't like people much either'. People do seem to like him though.

Timeforabiscuit · 09/09/2018 17:09

I sent a nicely phrased, but not nice to be at the end of, text to a friend saying that while i loved having her as a friend, i wasnt able to provide the level of emotional support she wanted at the moment.

This was coming from weekly coffe shop chats and frequent requests for baby sitting (not reciprocated).

Nearly four months on and not heard a peep from her since Hmm

Imo - you just have standards and boundaries (which are a good thing!)

FaFoutis · 09/09/2018 17:14

I'm a bit nasty too. I think the older I get the more my dislike is showing - people seem more wary of me or even avoid me. Maybe I just can't be arsed to hide it anymore.
Do you genuinely like anyone OP?

MeanTangerine · 09/09/2018 17:17

I feel the same way a lot of the time. Quite often I fake empathy in order to a) avoid upsetting family b) keep friends c) not get fired.

DiegoMad0nna · 09/09/2018 17:24

Does it matter? If you're happy not seeing them, then it's not a problem.

Orchiddingme · 09/09/2018 17:28

I don't see finding a relative twice a week who isn't even related to you and drones on boring a 'nasty' thing. Most people would feel this way.

frumpety · 09/09/2018 17:30

I think there is a huge difference between empathy and sympathy OP Smile

frumpety · 09/09/2018 17:40

I was your friend once , different scenario in that I was moaning about something else, every time I spoke to a certain friend, eventually she told me how bloody annoying it was. Initially I was upset, but after thinking about it, I understood things from her perspective. We are still friends. And hopefully I am slightly less self obsessed Blush

Nannyplumshairstyle · 09/09/2018 17:46

I feel a tiny bit like this since having my daughter.
It's interesting the volume of people that stop bothering with you when you become embroiled in family life and bringing up a kid. I have a bit of a balance in that I probably meet up with one non mum friend every fortnight and one mum friend a week but I just don't seem to get the sort of release/ reward from seeing friends as I did pre-baby.
if I have spare time now I'd rather use it to organise the areas of my life that are falling into dissarray or just be by myself with a nice podcast.
I think we're all just knackered tbh not nasty.

Original poster
DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 17:48

I like a few people but I find alot of people a waste of time. I feel like I've been an unpaid counsellor or skivvy for too many

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 09/09/2018 17:57

Amen to that doilookarsed

Itchytights · 09/09/2018 17:58

I hate people me. I love my family though and I have a few very good friends but feel the majority of people I meet are self absorbed entitled and precious wankers.
Can’t be doing with that bullshit so steer clear.
The insincerity at the School gates for example is astounding; such fake crap and utter bullshit. These people wouldn’t spit on each other if they was on fire really.

Can’t be doing with it.

Original poster
DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 18:01

I'm dreading the school gates already. No one would know I feel like this in real life

OP posts:
AutisticHedgehog · 09/09/2018 18:03

Don’t think you’re nasty at all. People who moan are tiresome.

Note this is different to people who have genuine problems who sometimes need to talk and absolutely should be able to talk about them

Though I am not very good at helping such people and try to redirect them to those more competent.

1vandal2 · 09/09/2018 18:08

I'm the same tbh. I'm quite happy to cut people off from my life including family members that don't enrich my life anymore. I hate having to interact with people in my job but I'm so good at putting on the fake for colleagues and customers they can't tell.

Original poster
DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 18:09

Proper problems yes. Moaning about things you can do things about fucks me off. FIL is getting some work done to his house and honestly the amount of reassurance he needs is fucking boring

OP posts: