I'm a bit nasty

[DoILookArsed]

name changed obvs. I think I'm a bit nasty and lack empathy. I don't really seem to stay in touch with people as everyone annoys me
I stopped seeing one friend because she moaned non stop for 2 years about her child. Maybe I should have been more supportive but it was so boring
My FIL calls round at least twice a week and moans on about his health or his other kids or his house. I just find it boring and don't care. I've taken to ignoring the door at times
I'm horrible

Life’s too short for incompatible, nonmutually-beneficial relationships.

I have very little tolerance for that crap nowadays. I'm there for my friends but I know quite a lot of people who are hypochondriacs and never stop moaning.
I don't don't see them very often it too draining

Zero tolerance here.
Binnned off last 2 friends last year, one lived her life according to her exh's rules and other lived her life monitoring her exh's movements after he was released from prison.
Bored me stupid.

How annoying April. I also hate eating out with picky people omg I can't eat this or that or I'm on a starvation diet etc. It's boring

The older I get the less I care.

I'm only 27 lol

Oh this is me too :) I dread the door going!
Love my own company a bit too much.
I love my dc and dp and can't be arsed with other people but I have lots of friends.
I just don't "need" people.

That sounds terrible.

You're not nasty at all. Infact it sounds like you've put up with listening to people go on about stuff a lot more than others would. I avoid people who drone on about things/constantly moan etc. Their negativity is not wanted.

I know that none of these people would listen to me so fuck them

I don't think you lack empathy, I think you have a good radar for people who just want someone to listen to them whinging.

I have a 'friend' who I don't hear from for weeks when another mutual friend is around, but when she doesn't have anyone to entertain her, messages me to meet up or come round to mine. At first I said yes come over, but the last time she pissed me off with her endless me-me-me so much that ever since I've said I'm busy. She's slowly getting the hint but I've stopped feeling guilty. She came round, having just been to the supermarket, and as soon as she got here she asked if I had any food. So I dug out a few snacks and she hoovered the lot during her two-hour monologue and then fucked off home, barely even asking how I was.

However when my mum died earlier this year, she was nowhere to be seen. I get that some folks don't know what to say, but it was a marked contrast to my other mates, who check in frequently. I don't even think she said "sorry for your loss".

Life's too bloody short, OP. I have a couple of talkative colleagues in my small office who I find equally tedious. I'm not made for being around lots of people.

Only 27? Then you've had a good start

Be careful, you might be very lonely.

You sound quite misanthropic. That’s not very healthy.

Love is like a magic penny hold it tight and you won’t have any lend it, spend it and you’ll have so many, they’ll roll over the floor!

Anyone else remember that song from school?

kernowgal that's a crap mate defo. I feel a bit like I'm not very nice because alot of people haven't been nice to me

I'm like this 😞

I really resonate with what a lot of posters have written! I'm glad I'm not the only one.
With age I have got worse and I've just turned 29. God knows what I will be like in the future haha.

As another poster said it's not being nasty it's self preservation.

I'm a HSP and have only learned I have this personality type in the past couple of years.

I've never had lots of friends, I'm not interested in small talk and there are only a handful of people in my life I feel comfortable with where I can be myself. And that's totally fine.

I have to watch because I can easily become dragged into other people's problems because when they tell me about them I feel like I want to help. Like I can feel what they are going through.

This is not good for me so therefore I have to improve my ability to withdraw at times.

My focus is my immediate family, DP and DC' s. They are the most important people in my life and everyone else is secondary.

I had an unsupportive upbringing with emotionally unavailable parents and a Sibling who despised me and that was damaging.

I've learned now that it's about prioritising myself and my own family.

Coupled with DP and I both working full time with two young dc's, there is just no time to waste on other people's shit.

I'm just starting to lay down boundaries and I'm in my mid thirties.

Fuck those who drag you down. Toxic waste of spaces.

Also I hate doing favours for people. I don't want to feed people's cats or give them lifts places

I'm 50 and have spent 48 of those years learning to build boundaries. I call these energy suckers "emotional vampires". The biggest one in my life is my sister. She came to me, looking for me to comfort and console her. When our Mum died. My Mum. I told her to go elsewhere, and shut that emotional door behind her. No more.

You're not nasty, OP. You're smart.

I think you all sound deeply unhappy.

Your mum dies and you don’t want to be with your sister and be emotional together?

I’m reading this and it sounds like you have emotional boundary issues and it’s either all or nothing.

What a shame.

I’m really noticing when people say bigoted or unkind things about other people in my presence. I don’t know why I never noticed so much before. But I’ve been very disappointed and even very angry at some of the passing comments by close friends and new aquaintences I’d liked initially recently. What I can’t figure out is whether I’m now the judgmental one for recoiling when people start ‘joking’ or ‘banter’ at the expense of others. Or hold views that are sweeping statements about vulnerable and disadvantaged people. I’ve even had a few very sharp words at my usually kind and gentle Mum for some passing remarks about people who look a bit different or ‘people who XYZ’.

I actually blame mumsnet for making me aware of all the little digs people make about each other and their situations/appearance etc.

I'm far from deeply unhappy! Quite the opposite in fact.

There's so much joy in not having to pretend to like people that you don't.

I only have time in my precious life for those people I like and love. What's not to get?

I refuse to give my emotional labour to anyone other than those who are important.

I like to help people, always have. This stems from childhood neglect and not wanting others to feel how I felt. Its taken me a while to learn to say no and put myself first. People now call me selfish, I'm not. I just dont have the energy or the time for those all consuming micro dramas everyone else gets sucked into.

I can relate to a lot of things on this thread. And like you OP, nobody would know I feel like this in real life - everybody would probably say I’m a really good listener, very friendly, etc. Almost every time I have to go and meet a friend I am just filled with sheer dread but I go to keep up appearances etc. I just know when I go and meet most people it is going to be me nodding along for two hours over a coffee whilst they tell me every single thing that has happened to them in the last three months without even asking how I am.

I also think it's rude of my FIL to take up so much time moaning when we have a young family and both work.

I think if you were actually horrible OP, you wouldn't be worried about being horrible. Nasty people don't care that they're nasty! And empathy isn't something we necessarily give to people with minor problems. It's reserved for real issues, so not giving a shit about your FIL's house sounds perfectly normal!