Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I'm a bit nasty

84 replies

DoILookArsed · 09/09/2018 16:28

name changed obvs. I think I'm a bit nasty and lack empathy. I don't really seem to stay in touch with people as everyone annoys me
I stopped seeing one friend because she moaned non stop for 2 years about her child. Maybe I should have been more supportive but it was so boring
My FIL calls round at least twice a week and moans on about his health or his other kids or his house. I just find it boring and don't care. I've taken to ignoring the door at times
I'm horrible

OP posts:

Ophelialovescats · 10/09/2018 12:50

You're not nasty, just honest and very refreshing.

wolfywolfy · 10/09/2018 13:32

@Atalune I disagree.
We are probably very secure and don't need others around us every moment of the day. We are happy with our own company and don't depend on others for our emotional stability.

Bloomcounty · 10/09/2018 14:24

Atalune did you read and understand my post before you leaped to conclusions? Nope, it appears you didn't. I was to comfort her. One sided. Not together. Me, comforting her. My feelings didn't come into it. Didn't occur to her. Or you, clearly.

GameOldBirdz · 10/09/2018 14:38

I'm exactly the same OP

I dislike most people I meet and I have no desire to spend any time around any other humans.

If I never saw anyone in the world but my dog and my DH again, I'd be happy.

crosser62 · 10/09/2018 14:38

Hmm me too.
The thing is, I don't feel in the least bit guilty or sorry for cutting people off or out of my day to day.

It's an intolerance isn't it.

Selfish or self centred people do not even get beyond a short period of time in my presence. I'm not rude, nor am I obvious, I just break away quietly and gently.

Small is my group of trusted individuals.
20+ years of friendship to prove themselves.
Happily, they get me, I get them and we rub along with genuine care and respect for one another.

None of them demand anything from me which is good because I am a bastard actually.

Nowt wrong with that.

whiskeysourpuss · 10/09/2018 15:54

Atalune it's nothing to do with being unhappy.

What makes me unhappy is listening to my friends droning on about how shit their husbands/kids/jobs are but then allow their husbands to treat them like shit, their kids to walk all over them & continue going to a job that they supposedly hate but never consider looking for another one.

What makes me unhappy is having to pander to the 30yo woman at work who can't possibly work full time as it's too much for her, plays the damsel in distress at the least bit of upset, still gets dropped off & picked up everyday by her mother god forbid she gets a bus or puts her own drivers licence to good use & would likely burst into tears if I told her to fuck off & stop fannying about because I wasn't going to help her with her work anymore.

What makes me unhappy is the fact that my boss is too afraid of upsetting aforementioned 30yo cry baby that her father who also works for the company gets to be a complete dickhead but is untouchable which makes my job as his direct manager a complete joke as I'm undermined at every turn.

What makes me unhappy is my brothers latest bidey in being an absolute cow to my nieces & nephews but her own kids can do no wrong & he allows that.

So yeah I'm not unhappy in myself it's the people that I'm forced to interact & deal with on a daily basis that bring me down & if I could just cut them off I'd be even happier with my own life... but to do that means that I'd be labelled a bitch

floffel · 10/09/2018 16:06

I'm like this too - it's why I got a dog

bringincrazyback · 10/09/2018 23:33

I love people - when I don't actually have to spend time with them.

Sarcelle · 10/09/2018 23:39

I am almost double your age. Only recently realised that I found most people boring or draining. So now I am slowly ditching them all with the exception of a few. Lucky you, you have realised early doors who is worth bothering with - you will have saved such a lot of time and ennui.

Original poster

DoILookArsed · 11/09/2018 09:51

I just find people shitty. I was once friend with 2 other girls and 1 was bridesmaid for the other one and not me. The bride told me a few weeks before the wedding. I then realised the bridesmaids Facebook had been set to private for months so I couldn't see all the pictures of dress fittings etc. What a shit thing to do

OP posts:

Original poster

DoILookArsed · 11/09/2018 09:53

Also when my DS was a baby I met some girls who were just so flaky. Nice but flaky so id end up spending loads of money booking on to things that would be booked up by the time they got round to it.

OP posts:

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 11/09/2018 10:08

I was a good bff when she split from her dh. Paid for coffee /lunch /nights out when she pleaded poverty, left my young dc to watch hers while her dm was ill, despite her having an adult dc who she couldn't possibly ask to look after them.
Felt a right fool when she pulled up in a Mercedes convertible one day...
Feel like I paid for some of that car in a round about way..

Original poster

DoILookArsed · 11/09/2018 11:18

April that's disgusting . No wonder we have so little time for people

OP posts:

VauxhallVectra · 11/09/2018 12:39

I am the same, OP.

Our culture is all about big extended families, gatherings, noise, lots of food, lots of music, dancing, bickering, catching-up, gossiping. All sounds lovely but it's hell. I just don't care and can't be bothered with everyone and their problems or their boasting. I usually make my excuses and leave early or just slip out without anyone noticing

I work as a hairdresser where I basically get paid to listen to people witter on about their boring, irrelevant lives. There are a couple of clients I absolutely love chatting to and hearing about their lives but the rest of them I give absolutely no fucks about and would rather not hear about.

I would say I have three really good friends. Two of them are also friends with each other and we meet up as a threesome every couple of months. We spend a couple of hours catching up then go out dancing which is perfect - get to spend time together and have a laugh but not speaking all the time.
The other one is a bit of a weird friendship. We're really different people with very different lives and only really friends because we were friends when we were about 14. But we meet up about once a year and have a really good catch-up.

I couldn't be bothered with more "regular" meetings with friends because I think you necessarily have to get embroiled in the minutiae of their lives because there's nothing else to talk about.

Rant over

Original poster

DoILookArsed · 11/09/2018 21:44

I don't know how you cope with being a hairdresser. That's hell on earth! everyone telling you their issues all day!

OP posts:

LooLaaToo · 12/09/2018 07:14

I know what you mean OP. I have a select group of friends as sadly I find alot of people are arseholes. I've become less of a doormat over the years, I used to do favours for loads of parent 'friends' which were rarely reciprocated. I notice the constant bitchy comments more than I once did. I think as humans we are all essentially selfish. I have a friend who I admire. She somehow manages to be nice but not too nice to everyone, she doesn't take any crap but is firm and assertive rather than confrontational, she doesn't gossip and freely admits she doesn't give a shite about most people except her nearest and dearest. I like her but I don't think we'll ever be close as I don't think she does 'close' with anyone expect her DH and dcs. There's alot to be said for it. I think women particularly are expected to be sympathetic and caring and be a good friend etc. In reality there is only so much emotional reserve anyone has and only so many problems you can feign interest in. Once you have a family yourself those priorities are elsewhere. I also think the whole saccharine Hollywood friendship model is unrealistic for most. I have one or two people I could truly rely on but most people are pretty self centred in my experience. They probably have it right though.

Original poster

DoILookArsed · 12/09/2018 12:43

I thought I was alone and felt terrible feeling this way. At least I don't have to be at people's mercy or beck and call anymore

OP posts:

VauxhallVectra · 12/09/2018 12:44

I don't know how you cope with being a hairdresser. That's hell on earth! everyone telling you their issues all day!

It's not actually that bad because there's no expectation that I'm actually invested in these issues like there would be with a friendship. I actually find it more tedious to have to share details about my life. Obviously I don't share intimate details but repeating the same conversations about my holidays, my hair, my daughter etc. is a bit wearing. Love my job though

LooLaaToo · 12/09/2018 13:36

I have to admit I have been with my hairdresser for years, in part due to us having an unsaid agreement not to witter on at each other. We make pleasantries, she does my hair, I read a magazine and then I say thanks. Bliss.

VauxhallVectra · 12/09/2018 14:36

@LooLaaToo Oh that's lovely. I always tell new clients not to feel like they have to chat if they don't want to. Some are pathetically grateful to have been given permission not to talk to me.

GetSomeGumption · 12/09/2018 14:38

I find the older that I get, the less interested in people I am. I can interact on a shallow level, and I love helping people out like strangers in the street, people at work, but I am just not interested in investing time getting to know people.

I was bullied a lot at school by people who were supposed to be my best friends. Then finally found a group of friends and a best friend in sixth form who were lovely. I got unceremoniously dumped by them for (from what I could tell) daring to move away. I was not perfect, I suffer from depression so am not the best at reaching out and contacting people. It broke my heart and has shattered any trust I could have in people again, TBH.

I can be very empathetic, but I find it wearing if it is just a one way relationship or if I'm expected to be empathetic for feckless things.

themuttsnutts · 12/09/2018 14:45

I think you've just had some bad experiences and have wised up. Don't let it make you bitter, though

GallicosCats · 12/09/2018 14:54

I can relate to this, having grown up with the unrealistic BFF stereotype and been horribly let down as a result. (I love JK Rowling but think the most insidiously manipulative part of the Harry Potter series is the BFF model at the heart of it. Another debate, another thread.)

I don't think most of us have the emotional energy or time, once out of full time education, to foster deep friendships. And those syrupy magazine features about 'the sort of friends you can phone at 3 am' make me shudder. Any trouble you get at 3 am that can't wait a few hours tends to require the professionals, TBH.

GetSomeGumption · 12/09/2018 15:02

Gallicos- you sound exactly like the kind of person I would want to have a glass or 2 of wine with, while avoiding talking too deeply about anything and then go home and no ring each other at 3am

themuttsnutts · 12/09/2018 15:48

I wouldn't even call my mum at 3am

Flip

1 2 3 4