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Original poster

Dd just started high school. Possible bullying/harassment already! Go in now or wait and see?

96 replies

NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 09:30

Hi,

My dd started this week and we always worried she was a big target for bullies.

She wasn't exactly bullied in primary, but you could argue she was in the form of exclusion. She was basically ignored most of the time.

She's actually been excited about starting high school and loves learning, but she finds socialising very challenging and does come across as very immature in that way.

She has days where she just seems a bit quirky and days where she really stands out as very different.

Anyway, each lunch time so far, she's told me that a group of older boys have come over to her saying they're going to "smash her"and are just generally not being very nice.

My initial thought was to tool her up with extra confidence and to completely ignore them so they get bored and stop, but this morning she's walking to school and is talking to me on the phone and says that they're behind her saying the same thing! I was furious and my initial reaction was to call the school straight away. The route is very open and busy, but I still chat to her on the way there, as she's not very street wise and letting her walk alone is a big step, but now I feel I can't let her if this is happening.

Part of me thinks just hold off, rather than go off with all guns blazing, as it could just fizzle out. I don't want to make anything worse.

I'm so stuck. Should I call the school?

Thanks

OP posts:
JennyOnAPlate · 06/09/2018 09:32

Yes call the school op, this needs nipping in the bud. Your poor dd Flowers

greatBritishBogOff · 06/09/2018 09:32

Definitely call them. Stamp it out now, poor thing

Penguinsnpandas · 06/09/2018 09:32

Call the school, she shouldn't have to tolerate that.

spiderlight · 06/09/2018 09:33

Definitely call the school. Poor girl.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 06/09/2018 09:33

I would call it sexual harassment and would definitely be involving the school.

Flameless · 06/09/2018 09:34

Nip this in the bud now. Don't wait. My eldest has started secondary school this week too and that's what I would do.

Standbyyourmammaryglands · 06/09/2018 09:36

I would have drove to school.

That cold be seen as sexual harassment and intimidation.

Horrible. I’m mad on her behalf Angry

DrCoconut · 06/09/2018 09:36

I was subjected to what would now be called sexual harassment in my first few months of secondary school. The perpetrator was a fifth year boy. He eventually got bored of it but it was horrible. I agree with the others who say report it to the school, it needs to be stopped.

alaspooryorick · 06/09/2018 09:37

I'm a teacher in a high school and the school will want to know about this. The sooner you make this known (and they know you are on to it) the more they will keep an eye on your dd at lunchtimes and between lessons.
Your dd shouldn't be doing anything different, the boys need picking up on it by a senior member of staff ASAP.
Perhaps you could get in contact with your dd's form tutor as well and ask them to keep an eye on her, encourage her to tell them if anything else happens? x

Original poster
NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 09:41

alas, yes, I was thinking about contacting her form tutor.

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I'm so angry. She was so happy and excited, but I was dreading it on her behalf, as I saw issues as almost inevitable. I didn't expect this though.

OP posts:
Morethanthisprovincallife · 06/09/2018 09:43

Awful, yes nip in bud.. Ask them what they will do.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 06/09/2018 09:44

Schools have duties and powers to tackle bullying outside of school. Do contact them.

AamdC · 06/09/2018 09:48

Definatley speak to school, my ds also started high school this week its hard enough without having to put up with this crap .

Original poster
NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 09:50

I've just called and have left a message for her form tutor to call me back ASAP.

OP posts:
Rosemary46 · 06/09/2018 09:50

Older boys going to smash her ?????

No way, phone the school now. They will want to know and should deal with it today.

Rosemary46 · 06/09/2018 09:51

Sorry x posted

Well done. Call back later if form tutor hasn’t called you.

alaspooryorick · 06/09/2018 09:58

Hopefully the tutor will get back to you today. The boys have made a physical threat towards your daughter.
If you don't hear anything by the time dd comes back this afternoon, have her write it down in a statement detailing everything that has happened since the start of term. This will show that what is happening is sustained and therefore is bullying.
Sorry you're having this worry. Children can be really nasty.

Original poster
NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 10:13

I've just really been dreading this transition, but have tried to remain positive.

This is such a crucial time and if it's a negative experience, it could be so damaging and I speak from personal experience.

I can't believe this is happening in week one.

OP posts:
eniledam · 06/09/2018 10:14

I'm surprised by the "sexual harassment" comments. Where I live, to "smash" someone means that you're going to beat them up. People will also say "you're going to get banged", meaning you're going to get battered. They don't mean they're going to sexually assault you.

Sorry to hear this is happening to your dd, OP. Whereabouts are you?

Original poster
NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 10:19

enil, well tbh, my first thought was that it was sexual, but I'm not sure how it was meant. Either way, it's pretty disgusting for teenage boys to threaten a year 7 girl, completely unprovoked.

OP posts:
aintnothinbutagstring · 06/09/2018 10:19

Yes you should speak to the school, they definitely would not want older pupils to be intimidating yr 7s in their first week!

Original poster
NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 10:57

I just hope that the schools "zero tolerance" approach to bullying, really is, zero tolerance.

I'm so upset. She struggles so much as it is and the thought of her having this added worry now makes me very angry.

I'm so proud of her strength and determination. She always just keeps going and I can't bear to think she now has this crap to worry about. She needs this like a bloody hole in the head!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewDirectionNeeded · 06/09/2018 11:15

Just had a call from her and apparently the one friend she made is now completely ignoring her too.

I'm in tears. I tried to keep her spirits up, but FFS, why does school have to be so brutal?!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/09/2018 11:23

Well you certainly don't ignore it or wait and see. What are you going to wait for.when she's a nervous wreck shaking and terified going to school. However that's not to say you go in need to go in all guns blazing either. There is a middle ground. Go up and be assertive and tell them you want it stopping immediately. If the schoolfob you off you are then well within your rights to go back in there all guns blazing

HoppingPavlova · 06/09/2018 11:30

I would let the school know.

Also so sorry you and your DD are experiencing this. Starting high school should be filled with excitement and joy st a new stage in life, not that shit. Flowers and best wishes for you both.