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Original poster

Who could you call if you were upset?

134 replies

Sarahandduck18 · 01/09/2018 21:09

Just had a random thought that if I was upset and needed/wanted someone to call and speak to over the phone or in person (not text/online) there’s no one that I feel I could ask this of.

I have friends but only have occasional meet ups.

I get on with colleagues but none I’d classas real friends who there’d be contact if one or the other left.

Family is a no.

Is this normal?

Who do you call on?

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 01/09/2018 21:43

I'd be able to call DH, a couple of friends, one of my SILs or any of my grown up DC. I wouldn't call my DM, I wish I could but she can't cope if I'm upset.

youarenot · 01/09/2018 21:46

I'm not actually that good in talking about things, especially things when upset.

So it's actually a good thing that I would have no one at all to call.

Stickybunfighting · 01/09/2018 21:49

Practically, lots of people. My car's broken down, my bathroom's flooded, my washing machine's broken, I'm locked out etc. Emotionally, no-one. Not a soul. I have no-one to confide in, to help me get away when it all gets too much (which I suspect it wouldn't if I had someone to offload on). My husband couldn't care less if I crawled on the floor sobbing my heart out (been there!) and I have no real friends. When I had my first child it was a bit of a shock, I didn't reslise there was no-one I could talk to, really talk. I cried a lot. Now I've had my second I don't cry at all. I do drink a lot though. It's shit, isn't it?

Hoppinggreen · 01/09/2018 21:49

I’m very very lucky that my bff is a professional counsellor!
I might also talk to my Mum but she is a bit “all about me”

dudsville · 01/09/2018 21:49

I have good friends and family but when I'm upset I mostly don't want to talk. 10 yrs I phoned my father when I was upset about a family decision. I emailed him once when he'd asked me to do a thing and I couldn't, ethically. I occasionally seek out my manager fire a work issue... But otherwise I offload with my partner or work through it myself and everyone else gets the easiest "me". I do this because I want to manage my otherwise potentially intense emotions calmly and quietly myself. I spend a lot of time in the garden!

dontknowwhattodo80 · 01/09/2018 21:54

My neighbour. I'm lucky to have someone who I know will listen so close by.

I've also got another couple of friends and I'm close to my sister in law too

I'd call my Mum but she can be abit judgemental and I prefer to keep my life abit private from her. No idea why! We get on really well, I just don't feel I can confide in her

Kim82 · 01/09/2018 21:57

Dh would be first port of call but then I have my mum, my two sisters and one or two friends.

MakeLemonade · 01/09/2018 22:02

I think I’m very lucky, DH, Mum or Dad would be my first choices but I’ve got lots of siblings and 4/5 close friends who I could count on too.

crazydoglady6867 · 01/09/2018 22:06

My DD or my DP now if it was them doing the upsetting I would just talk to my dog!!

TheBigFatMermaid · 01/09/2018 22:18

Agree with this. If I were 'upset', the last thing I'd want to do would be to inflict it on a friend. Self soothing isn't just for babies

Oh my God!

That is awful. I'm glad my friends are not like you. I am not like you either and i is very much a two ay street, they come to me when they are upset in the same way I go to them when I am.

I would be upset if a friend thought they had to deal with tough things by themselves, without even talking them through. Life is hard enough, there is no need to make it harder by a total lack of empathy.

Samantha2018 · 01/09/2018 22:19

No body

brizzledrizzle · 01/09/2018 22:20

Nobody. I sometimes look at the contacts in my phone and there isn't anybody. Nobody would call me either.

salopek · 01/09/2018 22:23

DH
My mum
2 close girlfriends I could call any time of day

latulipe · 01/09/2018 22:24

Mum
Husband
Best friends

CherryPavlova · 01/09/2018 22:26

My husband mainly.
If it was about my husband his long serving and unflappable PA who has become a close friend.
If it was medical a very close friend who is a GP.
At work I have two colleagues who I am very close to and we all phone each other for rants sometimes.

SinkGirl · 01/09/2018 22:27

Aside from my DH, there’s really no one I’d feel confident calling if I was upset and really needed to talk.

Interestingly, there’s a list of at least ten friends who I’d be more than happy to talk to and help calm down in a crisis (and in fact that did happen a few months ago) but I struggle to put myself out there emotionally.

When I found out my son had a potentially scary diagnosis I called my sister - she was pretty disinterested. Don’t bother calling her if I need support now!

Nacreous · 01/09/2018 22:27

I think I’m very lucky in that I would say I’m into double figures for people I could call. Of those, I’ve definitely helped st least 8 through major life upsets themselves (like long term health issues, or family stuff) and I know they would be there for me. I can’t imagine how lonely I’d feel if I didn’t have anyone I could call.

BigFatCurlyHeadedFuck · 01/09/2018 22:27

Nobody, I don't really like to offload my problems on to other people, as when people do it to me it wears me down emotionally.

Katedotness1963 · 01/09/2018 22:28

No one. I’m used to it though.

BlueJava · 01/09/2018 22:29

I'd talk to my OH, sadly mybest friend died earlier this year otherwise it would have been her!

user1469751309 · 01/09/2018 22:29

My wonderful powerhouse of a Nan who is 90 tomorrow when she passes away it will be no one I’m very lucky to have her

LinoleumBlownapart · 01/09/2018 22:41

If I were you I would call one of the friends you see occasionally. They probably care more about you than you realize.

Thissameearth · 01/09/2018 22:45

My sister, my husband or my dad. Then I have a small handful of friends I could call. In a tight spot I could then rely on - few fellow Mum friends. I worry that I don’t have enough friends for causal meet ups but in a tight spot I have a few. Loneliness and friendlessness is a big unspoken taboo and I think loads of us feel like you do OP.

WilburIsSomePig · 01/09/2018 22:46

There are about 4 friends and my sister. Sister first.

bimbobaggins · 01/09/2018 22:47

No one, I do feel I have a few good friends but if the chips were down and I needed someone when I was in a desperate situation I feel I have no one