How often do you and your partner go out without the kids?

[YerAuntFanny]

Where do you go?
Who looks after your kids?

Yes, I'm being nosey!

We go out most weeks. Like a PP I pay a babysitter. I also didn’t know babysitters so I asked around, I interviewed and I got reference just as people do when they have a nanny. I also used people who worked at the nursery, my cleaner and the agency Sitters. I had babysitters as a child and it didn’t occur to me to ask family or to not pay someone. There are times when we need or want to go out together and so we pay someone. I don’t know anyone who either hasn’t been out in 5 years or relies purely on family.

Every two to three months. Family 70 miles away (you would think it was 500) come trheough and babysit once every 6 months.

In between we use the girls who work at my son’s old nursery, so known to him and trusted.

Usually have a date night on a Friday night. We started this when dc1 was 5 as it felt like we hadn't spent any quality time together in 5 years. It's a nice way to start the weekend. Saturdays we do family night so we think it's a good balance. Typically, we use someone from Sitters and have 3 women we use regularly. When a couple of our family members got old enough, we starting getting them to babysit too, but as someone else said we usually end up trying to catch them between homework, exams and their very busy social lives then they leave for uni!

Hardly ever when the children were tiny, we'd have a take away and film/stand-up at home instead when they were in bed. Once they were both at school we would sometimes take time off work together and go out for a daytime date. Now they are teens and don't need babysitters we go out more often.

pachiano, I completely agree with you. I could never bring myself to leave my kids with someone other than close family. I'd never leave my kids with someone I'd found online either. You could be leaving your precious children and your home to absolutely anyone. Fair enough to people who have done this but I wouldn't prioritise a night out over my children being safe.

I could never bring myself to leave my kids with someone other than close family. I'd never leave my kids with someone I'd found online either. You could be leaving your precious children and your home to absolutely anyone. Fair enough to people who have done this but I wouldn't prioritise a night out over my children being safe

Wow, really? Martyrmommy alert!

About once every six months ish. Wish it was more often!

Maybe twice a year. We have 3 DC, ages 10, 6 and 2. We pay one of the staff from DD2's nursery, which is expensive but worth it as they are well known to us, as well as to the DC - and of course are childcare professionals. But cost means that it is a rare treat.

Oh and MIL comes to stay to babysit. Dc is 2 and a bit of a pickle sleeper

My dp's will come stay if we have a wedding to go to etc. I think since we had the twins, almost 4 years we've been out to 3 weddings and sent out twice on our anniversary. Though always coming back home to the kids.

Having our first proper night away on thurs, i cant wait!! If dh wakes me at silly oclock i'll kill him.

I could never bring myself to leave my kids with someone other than close family. I'd never leave my kids with someone I'd found online either. You could be leaving your precious children and your home to absolutely anyone. Fair enough to people who have done this but I wouldn't prioritise a night out over my children being safe

What do you think that people who use Nannies or childminders do? Why is that different? Plenty of DBS babysitters who work in schools or nurseries who are no more risk than using a nanny or CM. Do your due diligence and take references, meet them and whilst there is always a risk it’s minimal not to mention most abuse happens with people children know....

Every 1-2 months. We have a full time nanny so she does babysitting for us if we need to. But on the whole we both work FT compressed into 4 days so we each have a day with the kids and one of us is always there for an hour before bedtime. Then we are usually too pooped to do anything other than get a takeaway and watch bad TV. We have been together 15 fairly happy years.
I should say that DH is a very equal and very hands on parent so I don’t feel trapped and desperate to go out. We have separate hobbies and social circles so we do go out without each other as well.

We use the Sitters website. Have never had a bad experience. Loads of lovely ladies who do an amazing job.

We go out at least twice a month. I think it's really really important for our marriage to spend time together out of the house and away from the kids.

I am definitely not a martyr to my kids.

Yes, yes we get it.

I'm a "martyr" because my son won't tolerate being left with someone he doesn't know and not having the spare cash to throw about. Totally my fault obviously 🙄

Funny how quick people are to throw their silly little assumptions around about this yet if anyone dared to criticize those who used sitters they'd be told that it's their choice etc etc.

No, you're martyr when you say my priority is my kids, I would never leave them with babysitters like you neglectful pricks!

Once in a blue moon BIL takes the kids overnight.

Rare occasion.

Good one, good girls

See you at the bar

Feel free to show me that quote @goodgirls 🙄

About once every 3-4 months on average. Will sometimes be a bit more often if we have a few birthdays clustered together. My parents live nearby but already do a full day of childcare for us every week as well as emergency stuff or for appointments, so I really don't want to take the piss by asking them to do evening babysitting too, unless it's for a special occasion.

My mum had them at her caravan for a few days a few weeks ago. We did nothing much apart from sleep, tidy up, eat at random times without sticking to a timetabled meal plan, go out for evening walks and chill out on the settee. The was the 1st time in over a year that we've had an overnight away from the kids.

Occasionally during term time we take a day off together and either stay in or go out for a meal or trip to a museum or an EH or NT place and have a proper look around rather than a quick whistlestop tour interspersed with whinging and whining. We do that once or twice a term.

We try for once a month and have at least one full weekend away a year. We really value time as a couple and think it's incredibly important to have adult time regularly.

Every couple of months. Either a friend (babysitting circle) or babysitter.

We have been out twice this year, but i had DS2 in January and ds1 is only 2 and the baby wouldn't take a bottle. My parents aren't ones to offer to babysit and in laws live away. But now the baby is in a routine I'm going to take up my friends offer to babysit overnight and book a night away for me and DH. We're also at a wedding next month and in laws are babysitting. Can't wait!

Going out with friends of an evening, going out to dinner or a bar with my DH or to watch a movie or a play - none of these are necessary enough to me to risk using someone I’ve found off the internet. Doesn’t make me a martyr, doesn’t mean I disparage people who do use people they’ve found in websites. Some people need that life outside of home and their kids to feel normal and stay sane, so for them the risk assessment is worth it.

There’s no denying it is a risk, though. Unless you have someone who has been referred to you, some form of comeback that they are aware of, SOMETHING, they are just random people you are leaving in your home, alone, with your children. Not at all the same as official childminders or nurseries or nannies - first off these are necessary to work to earn money to eat, but also you build a relationship with them over days and weeks and months. Plus, the stakes are higher for them.

But someone who comes to your house, alone, for a few hours a month - not comparable.

I love the way the mummy martyrs casually refer to those using babysitters as 'someone I’ve found off the internet' . !
You do realise that we don't just paste on fb for anyone who fancies coming to look after our kids don't you ? Finding a babysitter is quite a complex and time consuming business, requires interviews, speaking to those who have recommended, and taking up references. As - like you, we love our children and want to keep them safe. However unlike you, being a mother is not ALL that I wish to do. I am a wife and partner , a role that has equal standing to parenthood. Without detaching from children once in a while and focusing (both of us) on our relationship- our marriage would fail which would be hugely detrimental to our children. We owe it to them as much as ourselves to keep our marriage relevant and vibrant. That is best done away from the kids.
I am also a friend and colleague. Both of which require me to leave the kids with others in order to feed those relationships.