How often do you and your partner go out without the kids?

[YerAuntFanny]

Where do you go?
Who looks after your kids?

Yes, I'm being nosey!

About once every 2-3 months. Usually go for a meal and the cinema and I leave them with their grandparents. Not overnight though and we try to be back at a reasonable time. I have four though, including 2 with behaviour problems and a baby, so I don't like to leave them too often.

i went to supermarket one evening (and felt excited, how sad)

I know that feeling my 15month old was just as bad even now but she finally started sleeping through about 3 weeks ago, I did my Christmas shop at 9pm with a friend and I literally skipped to the car, my friend (has no children) was mortified at how excited I was lol

We’ve had 2 evenings out together since my oldest was born 8 years ago.
We’ll occasionally have a day off together (once a year or so) & go out for lunch when the kids are at school.
We’re ok with this. We did our going out before we had children (neither of us drink & I think that makes a difference)

Date night every Thursday

Once a year at most 😔

Iwantawhippet

That sounds really good actually, when me and my partner bought our house we were at loggerheads for about 6 months as I couldn't believe how rubbish he was at keeping house even though he had lived alone so long before... we didn't get on. We do now as we've learned to live together lol

When we just had DC1, every few weeks. Both sets of grandparents live locally 👍🏻

However DC2 (11 months old) has health issues. We've been out once since he was born.

A fee times a year, sometimes more often. We both work opposite shifts almost, we technically have one day in the week off together (dp works a weekend day) though often one of us is in work doing cover. But often we will use this day while the dc are in school to go out for lunch or go to the cinema etc. We may only go out in the evening a few times a year but do make time in the day to spend time together.

My mum would look after dd's at the drop of a hat but I feel guilty asking as her health isn't 100%. Bil and SIL will also have both dd's quite happily for a sleepover, we are having our first night away this year. Dd's are 5&7.

Erm, hmm, now you are asking.
I can't remember, I really can't. We went for lunch a few years ago when kids were at school.
We just never do.
We love a takeaway and film when they are in bed tbh.

Once a fortnight we have a date night. MIL has DD overnight. I can honestly say it's saved our marriage and saved me from PND. Knowing the break is coming and having quality time with DH has been great. Sometimes we go out, but we mostly just stay in with a decent meal and a film.

We are so very lucky to have MIL who is amazing with DD and loves having her. They have the greatest bond and it's beautiful to see.

Probably every 6 weeks, sometimes more. We're lucky that grandparents are keen to babysit - We're lazy about going out!

We're out tonight- drinks in town then steak house meal. I can't wait! We're all staying at MILs as she's closer to town (cheap taxi) so she'll look after ds then get up with him in the morning hopefully

I love MIL

Once a week. When they were small we used staff from their nursery. We also had an ongoing list of local teenagers, when one left to go to university there always seemed to be another one available. Now my eldest looks after the youngest. Occasionally I ask inlaws who live next door. They often do School runs so it doesn't seem fair to ask them to sit too

Also bit mystified by the 'we don't know any babysitters ' responses. (Quite different from we can't afford babysitters).

I didn't know any babysitters until I made it my business to find one. They don't just turn up on your doorstep. I advertised in the local post office. Asked for recommendations on our village website, asked other parents at school drop pick up.
Had about 8 responses. Picked Three and used them for the next 3/4 yrs and then their siblings took over.
No I didn't 'know them' until I got to know them. ! It's how it works. All the ones we used were by recommendation.
It does mean that you need to put the hard work in when they are little though. Bed means bed. So many parents these days seem to have a problem saying no - with kids up and down like bloody jack-in-a-boxes..No teenage babysitters should be having to deal with squawking crying children.
They are teenagers. The kids should be in bed and asleep /going to sleep - or able to put themselves to bed. Babysitter is just 'an eye out' and other than that just watching tv.

Literally any one who lives in a city, town or village can find a babysitter if they want one -although MN is a weird place with a lot of competitive martyrdom going on.. 'we haven't been out since the children were born 27 yrs ago ...'

Every couple needs time away from the kids to have a few hours being partners not parents. Single parents simply need the space from the never ending pressure of shouldering all the responsibility. It's good for everyone and gives teenagers a job !

Also bit mystified by the 'we don't know any babysitters ' responses.

Well it's simple. I don't know anyone who can babysit.

You go on to say you advertised for one. That's the difference. I wouldn't.

2 or 3 times a year, normally for particular occasions. My back-up is for DCs to have a sleepover with a friend who has her own children, but I don't want to impose too frequently.

We've had teenagers, young leaders from a youth group, but they grow up and have their own lives. Their time of avaliability around being old enough, exam seasons and moving on is surprisingly short. We don't have anyone in the pipeline at present.

These are young children in their own home. I need to know that the person is confident and happy to be with them. In the slight chance that there is a problem, the DCs are in a very vulnerable position. I was happy to use organised childcare because there is vetting and other staff around. I wouldn't advertise for random people to be in my home unsupervised just so I can have a few hours out.

Well it's simple. I don't know anyone who can babysit

Because you haven't made it your business to know anyone. No problem with that choice, but it was your choice, its not that you don't have an babysitters, its that you have chosen not to have any. Totally different.

I'm glad you were lucky enough to be able to find/afford a trusted person to look after yourself whenever you fancied but could you please try to accept that not everyone has the same options as you!

It's not lucky, its effort! I used to have to pay extra for an older, medically trained babysitter because of the needs of one of my children. So I did.

The options are there, if you choose not to use them, own your choice!

Because you haven't made it your business to know anyone. No problem with that choice, but it was your choice, its not that you don't have an babysitters, its that you have chosen not to have any. Totally different.

Not at all. It's because I would only trust someone I already know, as in friends or relatives to babysit. I am not going to go looking for new friends based on their babysitting potential.

Again, lucky you that you could afford to do so and lucky you that you were able to find someone in your area that you trust and that your children were happy to be left with.

My kids wouldn't find it so easy! So yes, by taking my kids feelings and needs into account I guess I'm playing the martyr.

Anyway, I didn't ask for the high and mighty talk. I was just asking the general consensus...

No, not lucky, just prioritised over other things, because its important.

the general consensus is that some people actively sort out babysitters and some people martyr themselves having lunch every 12 years and wondering where their marriage went wrong

Wow. Some people really are spiteful, argumentative pricks...

My priority is my kids. End of.

Very rarely. July we went away for weekend. We both have time each away atleast once a week. but struggle for babysitters to both be away.

We haven't been out since DS2 was born 6m ago, but we are doing so next weekend for our anniversary. I suspect the last time before that was our last anniversary.

the general consensus is that some people actively sort out babysitters and some people martyr themselves having lunch every 12 years and wondering where their marriage went wrong

You should probably find yourself some sort of a grip.

Not having a baby sitter doesn't mean mean your marriage will go wrong ffs.

We have 5DC and have no one to babysit usually.

Now and again and we've been lucky and DS20 has looked after his little sister DD10 and watched DS16(they're both autistic)so we could both go out to run some errands.

Other times we'll go out if my DH is at home and our DC are at school,so far we've been out to town and had a meal out,gone out for the day to another town or city and had lunch,been to Thorpe park,visited a National Trust place,gone for a drive in the country and taken a nice picnic,once they're back at school and we have a day free were going to Beaulieu another day were going to spend a few hours in the new forest and another day we'll take a drive to the seaside.

Because we have no one to babysit we make the most of any time we do get together.