WWYD: text re DD doctors appt which I haven’t made

[RoseELupe]

I had a text around an hr ago reminding me about DD13 doctors appointment next Tuesday. I haven’t made her an appt. I logged onto patient access and she has an appt at 3.20 next Tuesday.

Yesterday she asked me if she could go to her friends next Tuesday as they wanted to go to the cinema. I realise now she was lying because she has a GP appt and doesn’t want me to know.

Would you mention it to her? That I know she’s lying and obviously needs the GP for something? She definitely is NOT pregnant. She’s just had her period last week.

How old is she?

No don't mention it just pretend you have not seen it.

Could she be going to talk about going on the pill?

I would say to her that you know she has an appointment and it’s ok to not want to disclose the details to you.

If she's 13 she can't go on her own can she?

Sorry I can see you said 13!
She’s still quite young. Depending on your relationship I would be inclined to ask her if everything is ok as you got an alert about her appointment. Might as well be honest.

It could be for contraception, mental health issues, or something shes embarrassed about medically/body wise. I would say you got a text, ask if she wants to discuss it and let her know its fine if its private.

Say nothing. Don't pry. Be proud your daughter is taking care of herself. Pat on back all round.

As @ZigZagZebras said I'd go with this

"I would say you got a text, ask if she wants to discuss it and let her know its fine if its private."

The question you need to answer is - in your view is she Gillick-competent? Will the GP think she is old and mature enough to be seen without you there? If so, you cannot interfere. But you can think about how you communicate with her and make sure you are open and supportive. Then hopefully an opportunity may arise for her to discuss it.

It might be best to wait until after the appointment to mention it incase she decides not to go if shes worried they might tell you about it.

You probably need to consider getting her alerts sent to her, not you. Also get her to change the password on her online account so that you can’t access it anymore.

Before the age of 16 the GP has to tell you about any medical treatment if you ask for info. Given how young she is I'd ask - aged 14/15 it's a bit more borderline but 13 is very obviously still a child. I'd be concerned about grooming.

just turned of course she can! Why do you say she couldn't?

Definitely mature enough to go to the GP on her own. She asked about the pill 6 months ago due to acne but I said I’d rather she didn’t as she’s still quite young. It could be she’s gone to ask for herself.

Actually doctors don’t have to disclose anything to a parent if the child requests them not to. According to the NHS anyway.

I’d tell her you know about the appointment, but leave it at that.

Grooming? How do you mean? She’s either here or at school at her friends (confirmed with parents)

There are other options beside the pill for acne, but I had to go on the pill at 13 due to my periods (endometriosis later diagnosed) - what is it you’re concerned about?

Aye I was on the pill from 11 because of periods, my Mum wouldn’t let me so I did it anyway.

Didn’t mean I ran out and had sex!

Before the age of 16 the GP has to tell you about any medical treatment if you ask for info

Not true.

very likely for the pill :-) i'm a GP Nurse and get a lot of teens around the same age requesting the pill, its usually due to acne / irregular periods but sometimes contraception. I think its wonderful that she feels confident and self aware enough to make her own appointment. I would mention it though, just to give her the heads up to change the contact details on her records, she might then tell you what its for.

I wouldn't mention it atm. As @FlibbertyGiblets said. Perhaps after the appointment, try to have an honest (not prying) conversation with her about 'things' and see if she will open up.

Once she has received medical advice/support she may feel more comfortable to talk to you about it.

I’m with ZigZag. Just mention you got a text and say you’re happy to talk if she wants to but no worries if not. Might be worth waiting until after the event though, just incase she gets worried and cancels.

I would be sad that my 13 year old daughter was keeping this from me. I would try and talk to her about it - you have a valid excuse to ask - the text was sent to your phone. Try and encourage her to open up to you.

I would tell her you got the text, ask her if she needs a lift but that you won't go in with her if she doesn't want you to. I'd also ask if it's for the pill. If she sees you are being ok with it, she will probably be more open.

If it's for acne it such a tough subject to talk about and be assertive with. I was desperate to go on the pill to sort out my acne. It's obviously really important to her that she gets it sorted. It's such a debilitating condition.