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Original poster

Holidays with young children are holidays for the Dad but just more of the same for the Mum.

100 replies

CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 07:09

I know NAMALT or NADALT!!

Almost a week into our holiday in a caravan and I’m just a bit fed up of doing all the childcare/entertaining plus laundry and tidying and obviously nighttime wake ups and early mornings.

Dh is officially ON HOLIDAY and gets shitty if I suggest rolling his first spliff at exactly 12pm is going to make him the best Dad for the rest of the day Hmm.

He still has never had both children at once alone and every time he’s taken the 4 month old so me and dd can swim or just have us time he turns up by the side of the pool in a panic 20mins later always with the excuse ‘baby’s hungry’ because I’m EBF. Yet he doesn’t want to try ds on a bottle of expressed....

I’m just having a rant and not really looking for advice as I know I’ve made my own bed. Just, Bloody holidays!!!!

OP posts:
SandysMam · 18/08/2018 07:16

I think i’ll have to say it before someone else does...you don’t have a holiday problem, you have a dh problem! He sounds like a right catch Hmm the 12pm spliff would be enough for me to LTB, sounds like you are a brilliant mum who deserves better.

Eminybob · 18/08/2018 07:23

Yeah that’s not normal op. Things need to change.

bluetrampolines · 18/08/2018 07:27

My stbxh behaved in a similar way. I cried a lot but life is a joy without him.

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Ummmmgogo · 18/08/2018 07:27

there are many many things wrong with your post, i don't have time to go into them al, so ill just say being stoned doesnt prevent you doing housework delegate all that to him.

CherryPlum · 18/08/2018 07:29

Holidays with very young DC are can be really hard work, and a lot of men don't always pull their weight. But your DH sounds extra crap. I'm not sure what advice to give other than LTB! Do you think he will listen to you, or is he always this crap?

Andcake · 18/08/2018 07:30

My dh is the stay at home parent- on holiday we split it but sometimes I feel I do more of the child care as he’s having a break

Patchworksack · 18/08/2018 07:33

I was going to post and agree with your thread title - we always end up self catering, so just more of the same shopping/cooking/washing up but in a more poorly equipped kitchen, but luckily my DH will pitch in. It's still the mental load of organising everything that never bloody stops though! I'd love to go all inclusive somewhere but it is too expensive.

Your DH sounds like a prize Hmm

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2018 07:37

Get up in the morning, go out, leave both kids with their dad, turn off your phone and get some rest and thinking space. It’s ridiculous that he hasn’t had both kids alone - and ridiculous that you’ve not had any kind of a break.

If you think he’d get stoned while caring for his kids, you really do need to consider what you get from the relationship.

inquiquotiokixul · 18/08/2018 07:39

That only happens in sexist families. Either leave the bastard or insist that from now on you are only holidaying all-inclusive with kids club so that there is no cooking or childcare to be done (which may mean only one holiday per 3 years or whatever depending on budget).

I'd favour the LTB option personally. The world is never going to become less sexist for as long as women are still prepared to have relationships with sexists. If only men who actually respect women and demonstrate this respect in every facet of their lives get any nookie at all, then we might start seeing a change.

superram · 18/08/2018 07:41

My dh does most of the swimming childcare so I get more of a break to read books. This year I have bought snorkels for us all and booked a heated pool to try and help out a bit more (or at least show willing).

SuperstarDJ · 18/08/2018 07:42

Sorry OP but the issue is with your partner not holidays or men in general. That’s not normal behaviour and he needs to grow the fuck up.

Smarshian · 18/08/2018 07:43

You have a DH problem. My DH shares the load (not the night wakes as ebf) but gets up with toddler every morning so I can get a bit more rest.
He is less good at organising activities, but will look after the kids on his own for an hour or two if I need a break etc. And I do the same for him. We are a team. Your DH needs to get on board.

Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 07:45

inquiq this really gets me because I’m definitely a feminist but my children missing out comes before my principles In that respect.

jelly that wouldn’t work. He’d go nuts if I just upped and left him with them.

To everyone saying LTB I did last year but we ended up back together and then pregnant... he changed for the better but holidays make him slip.

OP posts:
jetsetter87 · 18/08/2018 07:47

Op you have a DH problem

My holidays have been proper holidays but I choose all inclusive and hotels with lots of childrens entertainment

  • camping or caravanning/anything self catering means you don't get a holiday- you need to do all the cooking cleaning washing up so I avoid them- it's not worth it especially when dh does not pull his weight
Heismyopendoor · 18/08/2018 07:48

You have a DH problem!!

We have been to Center Parcs a few times this year and my DH has been amazing. Doing more than he usually does (which is a good share) as he says it’s my holiday too. Even though his cooking is shocking I really appreciate him trying.

I honestly couldn’t live in that kind of relationship that you have OP.

Nixen · 18/08/2018 07:50

Well yeah, marry a stoner, have 2 kids with him and then go on a caravan holiday and if probably will be shit... don’t really think the holiday is the issue

DwangelaForever · 18/08/2018 07:50

I went to Menorca in May with my 18month old and was more relaxed than OH, he spent most of his time running round after her whilst I was beach whaled on the sun lounger with swollen feet (pregnant)

Don't know if it was just because I was pregnant but hubby deffo got the short straw. I'd like to think on our next family holiday with two little ones it'll be a little more balanced.

Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 07:52

The holiday exacerbates problems. He’s not skinning up at midday when we’re home. He needs the routine of work (which he does full time) to keep him in check.

OP posts:
peachypetite · 18/08/2018 07:52

Why did you have kids with a stoner?

Phillipa12 · 18/08/2018 07:55

Same old shit, different location! You have a dh problem. I used to have a dh problem, im now divorced and holidays are a lot more relaxing even though im a single parent!

junebirthdaygirl · 18/08/2018 08:02

On our holidays dh did all the chasing after them in the pool/ down those massive slides in waterparks etc. He didn't see them enough while working so it was a novelty for him. Also he hates sitting still and l love it. I did no laundry and ate out or bought easy stuff like rolls . I did breastfeed .
I could not have a df for my dc who smoked stuff at 12 in the morn. This is not good and he is a total arse.

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2018 08:04

He needs the routine of work (which he does full time) to keep him in check.

Children need routine to help keep them steady, adults make decisions about what they do and when. He has control over his drug use - if he doesn’t you’ve got a bigger problem than a shit holiday.

And honestly - I’d let him go mad. He has two children and it’s reasonable to expect him to care for them, it’s perfectly fine for you to get some time alone - it’ll be good for you and the kids if you can get some rest. If he wants to throw a tantrum about doing what you do all the time, let him get on with it.

KatharinaRosalie · 18/08/2018 08:08

He’d go nuts if I just upped and left him with them.

But he's happy to just leave you - go nuts as well.

Loraline · 18/08/2018 08:12

We had a caravan holiday when ds2 was about that age and ds1 was 3. I did the lionshare of looking after ebf little one but i was brought meals and drinks and tidied up around. And dh would pop the little one into a sling to have a good nap so i could swim with ds1. He's their parent and my partner.

Your dh shouldn't have the option to opt out of parenting and needs to know that. It's your holiday too. Just refuse to do everything.

KERALA1 · 18/08/2018 08:12

Nope. We do 50 50 if anything he does more on holiday. It's your choice of husband that's the issue.