Holidays with young children are holidays for the Dad but just more of the same for the Mum.

[CocoDeMoll]

I know NAMALT or NADALT!!

Almost a week into our holiday in a caravan and I’m just a bit fed up of doing all the childcare/entertaining plus laundry and tidying and obviously nighttime wake ups and early mornings.

Dh is officially ON HOLIDAY and gets shitty if I suggest rolling his first spliff at exactly 12pm is going to make him the best Dad for the rest of the day .

He still has never had both children at once alone and every time he’s taken the 4 month old so me and dd can swim or just have us time he turns up by the side of the pool in a panic 20mins later always with the excuse ‘baby’s hungry’ because I’m EBF. Yet he doesn’t want to try ds on a bottle of expressed....

I’m just having a rant and not really looking for advice as I know I’ve made my own bed. Just, Bloody holidays!!!!

I wouldn't leave a baby with a stoner.

When you say you've done a lot to make this holiday happen, do you mean scrimping and saving because he's literally burning through lots of your disposable income?

I’ve paid for the holiday out of my savings because I don’t think dd should go without. I’m not a bad parent.

I don’t leave either of them alone with him at nighttime. Daytime he’s built up a big tolerance so he’s safe to look after them.

I don’t leave either of them alone with him at nighttime. Daytime he’s built up a big tolerance so he’s safe to look after them.

If he's stoned then he's stoned, it doesn't matter what time it is. You're in denial.

On a daily basis I've no doubt you're an incredibly loving, involved parent.

Bigger picture, you're choosing to bring your children up with a selfish stoner who's been abusive in the past and can't be trusted. That's not what a good parent does. I'm sorry, it just isn't. You don't cancel out a shit parent by being good. They cause damage, you mitigate it. But you don't prevent it.

I really feel for you @CocoDeMoll.
I think you need to have a good think about what you really want for yourself and your children.
I think you all deserve better.

(I don’t leave either of them alone with him at nighttime. Daytime he’s built up a big tolerance so he’s safe to look after them)

This is very worrying to read and I doubt social services or the police would see it the same way!
Why aren’t you thinking about your children? I know you aren’t asking for advice and just wanted a rant but surely you can see that what your ranting about is a dangerous situation for your children to be in. What if they breathe in his smoke, or find his weed and put it in their mouths - how would you feel then?

You need Jeremy Kyle. That's where all the deadbeat stoner parents go. Get rid OP, you could do so much better

I can't give you advice as I'd never date a druggie, let alone marry one - then go back and get pregnant again.

We didn't go on holiday until the kids were tweenagers and could look after themselves, plus we only go away very few years so we can splash out on all exclusive and both of us can do FUCK ALL.

You need to hold him to higher standards for the sake of your children. How would you feel if DD ended up in a miserable relationship with an equally useless man because this was her "normal" growing up?

As I said I’ve made my own bed but it doesn't have to be like that. You can leave. You can choose a better future for your children. Or do you think that this is a good environment for them to grow up in?

Why do you stay with him?

I feel so sad for you reading this. I wish you could see that you and your kids are worth more

Eww I would just find someone who smoked drugs pathetic.

:(

a big tolerance - so thats ok, is it?

Jeez . He is obviously a useless loser but you have choices. Your kids dont.

I think I know who this poster is.

Op, you have been given so much advice about 'D'H. Get rid and get yourself done rl support.

I think unfortunately if your partner is selfish at home then they will inevitably be selfish on holiday too.

Mine isn’t an angel all the time, but our holidays definitely involve downtime for everyone.

You leave your children with someone who has taken illegal drugs?!

Does he smoke weed in front of the DC is he’s sparking up at lunchtime? Why would you expose them to weed fumes?

Get rid OP. Set your sights higher, for the sake of your children, and for you.

Please, for the sake of your children, walk away.

@edwinbear if the op is who I think she is then the DH smokes weed in play parks etc so I doubt he's hiding it from his kids.

Thanks pigeon

No they don’t see him skinning up, they’re not exposed to the fumes and when he’s smoking dd presumes it’s just a normal fag (I don’t think she notices or takes it in tbh).

I know I massively fucked up thinking he’d completely changed. Really I’m aware of that. In many ways, but not enough he’s changed and it always seems to be enough to keep me hoping.

Why do I stay? Sorry to dissapoint but no big ‘because I luvvvve him’ here. I do love him but often hate him equally. Honestly it seems easier to stay having been through the upheaval of a big break up before.

Easier to stay? Get a fucking grip, your kids deserve so much better.

Its not easier for your kids though is it. They deserve much more than this. It's not normal and they'll resent you for this upbringing when they're older.