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Original poster

Holidays with young children are holidays for the Dad but just more of the same for the Mum.

100 replies

CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 07:09

I know NAMALT or NADALT!!

Almost a week into our holiday in a caravan and I’m just a bit fed up of doing all the childcare/entertaining plus laundry and tidying and obviously nighttime wake ups and early mornings.

Dh is officially ON HOLIDAY and gets shitty if I suggest rolling his first spliff at exactly 12pm is going to make him the best Dad for the rest of the day Hmm.

He still has never had both children at once alone and every time he’s taken the 4 month old so me and dd can swim or just have us time he turns up by the side of the pool in a panic 20mins later always with the excuse ‘baby’s hungry’ because I’m EBF. Yet he doesn’t want to try ds on a bottle of expressed....

I’m just having a rant and not really looking for advice as I know I’ve made my own bed. Just, Bloody holidays!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 08:17

I don’t want to cause a massive fallout because it’s still holiday time and I want dd to enjoy it without rowing parents. I’ve done a lot to make this holiday happen.

OP posts:
Awrite · 18/08/2018 08:18

It's not going to be easy leaving with a four month old but really - how can you stay?

This guy doesn't care about you or your kids.

PatheticNurse · 18/08/2018 08:21

CocoDeMoll - no point moaning on here if you're not going to do anything about it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families
Xmasfairy86 · 18/08/2018 08:22

Find a holiday routine then. Routine sounds like it’s the key for him, and kids need one to some degree even on holiday

TillyVonMilly · 18/08/2018 08:25

It doesn’t sound as though your dh wanted this family holiday. He’s not helping you and he’s not caring for his children. Is he much different at weekends when you’re at home?

Newkitchenideas1 · 18/08/2018 08:26

We do all inclusive holidays because neither of us want the hassle of cooking and cleaning up etc
My dp spends more time with the kids on holiday as he sees them less the rest of the year due to work, I get to laze around on the sunbed! He likes being active so it suits us and I get a rest.

If my dp ever used drugs I would leave and take our children with me, drugs make people very selfish which is why you feel you are doing everything. Why would you want your children to be parented by someone on drugs anyway?

ProseccoPoppy · 18/08/2018 08:28

How can he smoke drugs around children!? That’s horrendous - and while it is entirely his fault and terrible choice why are you minimising his stupid drug habit? That would be a dealbreaker for me (tbh smoking tobacco would also be a dealbreaker for me).

The rest of it is shit too. DH is a SAHD, we’re 50:50 on holiday. My youngest is broadly EBF (while I am on mat leave), so right now he does much more of everything else, and has given expressed bottles a fair few times so I can have a proper break. What’s your long term plan? Will you plan to leave him in time as I don’t see how this is sustainable?

winterdeballesteros · 18/08/2018 08:29

Sympathetic til I got to the drugs bit. Your choice to stay with him and put up with that crap. Just hope your kids aren't seeing it.

arranfan · 18/08/2018 08:34

this really gets me because I’m definitely a feminist but my children missing out comes before my principles In that respect.

What do you think your children are learning from being exposed to your relationship? Are they learning the value of appropriate relationships, mutual respect, and how to parent if you're male? What understanding of feminism might they have from their observations (obviously, age appropriate).

I understand your DH's need for structure but when it's not being externally imposed through work he does need the insight to realise that he needs the self-discipline to create his own structure to cope with the children he parents and to share his life with you.

0range99 · 18/08/2018 08:38

Another one saying the problem is your other half.

My ex used to be like this but not a stoned and wouldn’t go mad if left with the kids. He’d just need nagging to do stuff and wouldn’t think for himself.

I’ve just come back from a week away with my OH. He cooked, shopped, booked outings etc just as much if not more than I did.

He even went into a shop to get towels for my (not his) DD who unexpectedly started her period.

That is what a partnership is.

Leave him and find someone better.

Parker231 · 18/08/2018 08:40

So you’ve enabled him to behave like this and now you’re complaining? He’s an appalling partner and Dad - you either accept it or start making some changes.

Radardetector · 18/08/2018 08:42

Do you leave your four month old with him when he is stoned?

teawamutu · 18/08/2018 08:42

I think I remember you - two threads in the Relationship section, similar titles?

If it is, I was thinking about you just a few days ago, your situation really stayed with me. Congratulations on your DS but I was SO hoping you and your dd had got the hell away from your loser DH😔

Jestem · 18/08/2018 08:46

Have you posted about him before? This is all veeery familiar.

If so, he won't change. Everyone already told you that.

ClashCityRocker · 18/08/2018 08:47

Yes, it's the same poster. Sorry to hear you got back with him op.

Why on earth are you putting up with him still smoking pot around the kids?

Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 08:51

We split up, got back together and I got unexpectedly pregnant. I thought he’d really changed and he has but not as much as I thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 18/08/2018 08:52

That’s why I said I’m not after advice. Just a rant. As I said I’ve made my own bed.

OP posts:
GirlfriendInAKorma · 18/08/2018 08:53

My DH was a big stoner in his younger days but we had a talk about it when I was pregnant with DC1 and said it had to stop. So now, VERY occasionally I think he has some at a friend's house (and I mean a few times a year) - but never at home or when he's going to be around the kids. I don't think that weed and kids are a good combination...!
He struggled a bit at the time to knock it on the head, but got there in the end.
I didn't want a stoner to be my main support with raising kids!

kaytee87 · 18/08/2018 08:56

I think I've read your posts before and the advice is always the same.

If I saw a parent on holiday with their kids smoking a joint I'd be disgusted with both parents. You're enabling his behaviour.

I get a lovely break on holiday because my husband isn't a man baby stoner.

Ltb

Jestem · 18/08/2018 08:56

Sorry to hear that OP.

However, smoking weed during the day on a family holiday with your 4 year and 4 month old children is really not ok. Can't he at least wait until they are in bed?!

ClashCityRocker · 18/08/2018 08:57

Ah op, people rarely change successfully for sake of saving a relationship.

They might be on good behaviour for a while but they will revert to their former habits.

If you're the poster I'm thinking of, you're in an environment where cannabis use has been normalised - to the point where lighting up a spliff at midday when you're on holiday with your daughter and young baby is almost a side-note.

But this is also what your kids are going to learn as being 'normal'. Is that what you want?

Bellabutterfly2016 · 18/08/2018 09:05

Op
Your first paragraph says it all to me

Holiday in a caravan!

Basically you're cooking, cleaning and running around after the kids but just in a caravan in a field rather than at home. I'm sorry but I don't get why anyone would consider that to be "a break"! I've done it once as friends invited us (we have it a try) - never again!!!! It was exhausting.

My idea of a holiday is a hotel where no cooking, washing, making dreaded picnics or cleaning is involved - it's my holiday too.

If you want a "proper holiday" I'd book one!! Caravans are basically same old same old just away from home and to be fair we did a nice site in Cornwall for a week, fuel there and back, food, days out - it was cheaper to go to Majorca for 10 days!!! Perhaps you need a more relaxing holiday next time???

pigeondujour · 18/08/2018 09:08

You're as woeful a parent as he is. Poor children.

teawamutu · 18/08/2018 09:08

You've also made your children's beds, though. Your daughter will learn that she's only worth waiting on a lazy worthless manchild stoner. Your son will learn how to be one.

How can you be ok with this, just because you love him?

And normalising it and saying ' all' men is quite offensive to the many men who aren't entitled dicks and actually work as a team with their partner (I'm with one of these) as well as giving you an excuse to stay.

GirlfriendInAKorma · 18/08/2018 09:32

I'll go against the grain and say that people CAN change. But... they have to really, really want to.
It's very hard to change.
If he doesn't want to then he won't.