Holidays with young children are holidays for the Dad but just more of the same for the Mum.

[CocoDeMoll]

I know NAMALT or NADALT!!

Almost a week into our holiday in a caravan and I’m just a bit fed up of doing all the childcare/entertaining plus laundry and tidying and obviously nighttime wake ups and early mornings.

Dh is officially ON HOLIDAY and gets shitty if I suggest rolling his first spliff at exactly 12pm is going to make him the best Dad for the rest of the day .

He still has never had both children at once alone and every time he’s taken the 4 month old so me and dd can swim or just have us time he turns up by the side of the pool in a panic 20mins later always with the excuse ‘baby’s hungry’ because I’m EBF. Yet he doesn’t want to try ds on a bottle of expressed....

I’m just having a rant and not really looking for advice as I know I’ve made my own bed. Just, Bloody holidays!!!!

The only holiday I've felt I wasn't going everything was one I've just been on with stbxh! When we were together I did EVERYTHING always, now we have dc 50/50 He realises what I actually did and has stepped up. It took me leaving him for the penny to drop though so good luck!

You've not 'made your bed' op.

When you get home make a plan to leave for good. He adds nothing to your life.

I was you 10 years ago. I was terrified of starting again and being a single parent to two children. It was easy compared with looking after two plus a man child! I actually look back on those 5 years as a single mum with fondness , the dc and I were a happy little team , twee as fuck but it's true.

Leave him.

The excuse that you don't want an upheaval of a breakthrough doesn't really wash when you are knowingly putting your children in danger. If something happened to them while he was under the influence you would both be responsible for that. As someone said, what if they came across it while he was stoned and put it in their mouths? You could end up in prison for God's sake. I usually try and see both sides in these sort of threads rather than piling on but this normalisation of drug use around very young children has to stop. It HAS to.

What is the point of him?
He can’t even watch the baby so you can take your elder Child swimming.

This is really sad to read. I remember lots of people on one of your threads last year suggesting staying separated for longer and see if he manages to keep up the reduced smoking and being a better dad, and you admitting that he'd practically moved back in at that point but that things would be different.

I see his promise of not smoking weed in front of the children didn't last long. The way you say it's ok because your DD doesn't see him skinning up is depressing - he shouldn't be smoking weed in front of her at all! It's so normalised for you, and you don't seem to realise that most people wouldn't find that acceptable. And the fact that you leave the kids with him during the day because he's built up enough tolerance is really grim.

Why don't you value yourself and your children enough to want a better life?

You paid for the holiday because you didn’t want your daughter to miss out?? Miss out on what? Seeing her dad get stoned, the stench, her dad not able or wanting to play with her, him not wanting to do anything as a family?

If you think she’s old enough to miss out on a holiday then I’m pretty sure she will realise her dad is a waste of space, even if she can’t see it fully now, she will do soon, then what?

Your poor children
They need you to keep them safe and by staying with your dp that’s not what your doing.
But if you can’t see that then nothing any of us say will change your view.
Good luck to your children I hope for their sakes nothing happens when he is stoned!

Baby not talking yet.

Visit to a park, fucks sake, smelling of weed

Cringe

oh dear you need to leave him but you know that

You again? We all give you loads of advice. You ignore it, post another thread moaning (or with him stoned and you pissed) about him. Ignore all advice again and on it goes.
Poor kids. I hope SS step in soon.

Your childrens dad is stoned by lunch time that is your problem I am sorry he is such a turd though can't be much fun.

“Yet he doesn’t want to try ds on a bottle of expressed....”

Well obviously, it would compromise his get-out clause. Why the HELL are you listening to him about how you feed your baby? He doesn’t do partnership parenting, he leaves it up to you. So it’s up to you.

OP, I get you are ranting and venting rather than asking advice, but once you get home, maybe resolve to be more pro active and assertive and less fatalistic?

You may be a feminist in theory but you aren’ Giving yourself equal rights and power. You aren’t laying down boundaries about the division of labour.

And honestly he’s a crap Dad I’d he dies any form of smoking in front of your young children. Quickest way to get them on the same habit as they grow older.

But I hope you find a way to get some enjoyment from your hol.

He won't change. If you want something he will go out of his way not to provide or do it. You even had to pay for a caravan holiday yourself so he gets to spend his wages on weed. He's a cocklodger and it'll just get worse - believe me I've got one. In order to stop feelings of disappointment and resentment I had to stop caring, which works to some extent.

Of course he won’t change but neither will OP.

Let’s not fall into the trap of abusive man and victimised woman. The kids need taking away from the pair of them.

Maybe try and save for a holiday where there are clubs/creches so you get a break. Went on some abroad before and sometimes my daughter would go in the clubs but depends if she liked the staff. My 10 year old son loved the clubs and made a great friend ☺️

There is so much wrong with your post OP that I don't know where to start...or if I would ever finish. But hey let's have a try.
What I'm getting from your post is that you're pissed of not so much with whether your OH should be skinning up and smoking spliffs at all in the confines of a fucking holiday caravan where you have small children but the time of day when he does so? Not midday obviously, would 2pm be more reasonable for you or 4pm - or how about not fucking at all?

You chose to have a child with this man, you found out what a piece of shit he is and left him, so far so understandable, then you went back to him and chose to have another child with him whom you want to leave in his sole care while you take the other one out. Your children deserve so much better than either of you.

Your children/holiday are not your problems. The lazy bastard who smokes dope is what you should be concerned about. What a waste of space he sounds. You backed a loser there.

If it were me (in reality, it could never have been me), I'd MAKE him help out by hiding his stuff, withholding sex/meals/money, and once back home, I'd work towards having a better life for my children WITHOUT that twat

You again? We all give you loads of advice. You ignore it, post another thread moaning (or with him stoned and you pissed) about him. Ignore all advice again and on it goes.
Poor kids. I hope SS step in soon.

Yup. Sort your shit out and leave him, if you care about your children more than you care about getting an occasional shag.

I think OP is just as bad as her husband. Leaving him solves nothing.

She’s beneath contempt.

Why was splitting up so awful that you would rather stay in this shitty bed than get out again? What stopped it from being brilliant?

Why didn't you use contraception? It seems crazy to me that you wouldn't in your situation. Were you broody, wanting another baby, so you put on your gullibility goggles when dealing with him? You've got the baby now so you can properly leave him.

What comes across from your posts is that you sound so fed up / beaten down / worn out / resigned to this life that you are living.

It sounds incredibly lonely and sad.

Only you can change it though.

Your poor kids, easier to stay than give them a decent life without thinking this is what a normal relationship is about? You are neglecting their emotional needs.

*Yet he doesn’t want to try ds on a bottle of expressed....

Who cares what he wants? In this, he's irrelevant.

Actually, I suspect in just about everything he's irrelevant. I don't really see the point of him.

You just love the drama, OP. Unfortunately, we don't and I expect your children don't either. It doesn't make a difference to you though, but I wish you'd think of them.