Was anyone really bright at school but ended up in low paid jobs / no career?

[Hillsdale]

I was really bright at school. Got A* and Bs in GCSEs and a level then went onto do a vocational degree in a healthcare profession ( think pharmacist but not).

I didn't know what to do and my older siblings and parents chose my degree for me.

To cut a long story short, I suffered from social anxiety and severe confidence and esteem issues. I hated every minute of uni and at the end of my degree i couldn't even find a work training placement which I needed in order to become fully qualified after having attended so many interviews. My mental health was really bad and I felt like and was told I was a failure.

I gave up and have just done low paid nmw admin jobs. ( Not that there is anything wrong with those jobs).

But I just can't shake the feeling off of being a failure and not being able to fulfill my potential and used my head in something that I could have been good at.

I don't know what I'm saying really but just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

Yes me. I’m a housewife and am the embarrassment to my parents. Big discussions of my sister and brother then a mumble when anyone asks about me.

Yes, I was one of the top in my year throughout school, mostly A's then a 2:1 degree. Barely held down even the crappest of jobs ever since. Recently been diagnosed with autism aged 40 which makes sense of a lot.

I don't think I've flopped with my career but I have not done that well. Since 1998 I have had 8 jobs (currently in number 9) and was "let go" from 4 of those jobs which isn't a great record. I can come up with a reason/justification/whatever for each of them but ultimately I'm not very good at what I did at university and then trained to do and I think others would have coped better with some of the situations I had to face. I've had a bit of bad luck along the way and I also think I just don't have the brainpower to do my career despite having done well academically. Fortunately I am good at interviews so have always found another job easily and I have managed to stay in some jobs, not everyone thinks I am crap!

I am now in a role where I do use my uni/professional training, but it is at a lower level, is paid accordingly and I don't have much in the way of benefits. But it's probably what I am capable of.

My husband graduated from Oxbridge, he has, unlike me, managed to stay in the same job for the whole time I've had 9 but his job isn't well paid. We are a pair of underachievers really. Hopefully our son will do better but I wouldn't say either of us are the best role models for a successful career.

Also example of friend I knew at sixth form - went to Bristol uni, had all As at A level I think or very high grades anyway. He did accountancy I think but dropped out of being an accountant and has done low paid roles but has now started working as an HR assistant so is on an upward trajectory now. It wouldn't surprise me if he had mental health problems.

I don't mean to be goady but could someone please explain to me why autism would render someone incapable of holding down even the most basic or low-paid jobs?

Is it a case that a NT person would understand the understated social-cues that arise whereas an autistic individual wouldn't have the capacity to successfully navigate these potential pitfalls?

Yes, both my sister and myself at some point:

I was exceptionally good at school until, aged 16, I decided I simply couldn't be bothered anymore and dropped out on a whim. Spent several years working a series of dead-end jobs and travelling the world. Eventually got very bored, went to uni, landed a corporate job and almost literally catapulted myself up the career ladder. I'm now actually quite successful and definitely well paid.

My sister was equally good at school, actually finished (unlike me), went to uni and got an award for her performance. She then took a high-flying graduate trainee job, did it for a year, did exceptionally well but couldn't cope with the stress, was diagnosed with a burn-out at age 25 and has been working odd-jobs and travelling the world ever since.

I feel both of us were a lot more mature intellectually than we were emotionally and that neither of us could cope at a young age.

This is rather outing but what the hell. I went to a very competitive secondary school, have an Oxbridge degree and a Masters. Also have MH issues, no contacts, live in a low wage area of the country and when I was in my 20s had to do any job going for the £. Now a SAHM. I was encouraged to follow a very academic educational path by my working class family who all assumed that would lead to a good job, but it didn't really qualify me for anything.

Found my people. Hitting the big 30 this year and feeling like a failure.
Was always very bright and this continued into uni got a 2.1 from a RG but never knew what to 'do' with my life so sloped into retail and admin roles where I never progressed as they assumed I'd be leaving soon due to my degree.
Got into education and trained as a teacher but teaching is an absolute hell hole so am taking a step back into more of a TA role.
I don't have kids and wish that I could hide behind them. Most people have a career or children by 30 and i have neither. I also don't have a mortgage and sadly that's the only bloody way I feel like I've 'made it' but to get one requires a decent paying job first.

My sibling has followed a similar path, although they don't have a post grad degree and currently work in a supermarket. We'd have been better off following our parents into trades, it's pretty depressing. Our cousins did that and are out earning us by loads! I wonder what our parents make of it all, I'm a huge failure in terms if living up to my potential.

Wow! There's so many of us! I have found my people!

It's interesting that so many posters are autistic or suspect themselves to be autistic. I don't think I am. But either way I think poor mental health, low self confidence and low self esteem seems to be a common thread that is woven through alot of these stories.

I don't think it's about coping with a demanding job for me as such, it's more about not having the confidence and social skills to pull off a good interview or do the whole office politics thing.

I gave up searching for a pre reg job as I was really shit at interviews and was getting rejection after rejection whilst everyone on my course had something lined up. There was only one other person in the whole of the country doing this course that hadn't secured a place. I felt ashamed and hated myself.

My family were angry at me, they ridiculed me and made me feel like shit. People I knew would smirk or laugh when I told them I had given up that route. I had no support. I wanted to commit suicide. I felt ashamed and hated myself for the shy person I was.

Even now in applications I feel like omitting my degree out. I hate talking about it when it comes up in interviews. I don't know what the hell to day to them without sounding like a failure.

I would love to go back to train to do something which I love but I don't know what.

You're good enough OP. Stay away from the naysayers. Do what ever feels right. If that's a NMW job then so be it. Best wishes.

Yes kind of. I was an A-C student at GCSE, have A Levels and went on to get a 2:1 honours degree and a MA. Both degrees are in a subject I love but no more use than a fecking chocolate teapot.

I fell into a customer service job and have done it for 7 years for incredibly low pay and no progression (despite trying my heart out). I've now taken a career break to reassess, possibly retrain in something useful. It makes me feel something of a failure, especially since my husband has just been promoted to manager and even when I was working he earned four times as much as me!

Honestly I could cry just reading this thread. People like us never seem to fit in anywhere. I'm not autistic, I've just spent half my life being told I'm not good enough. Nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone, apart from in my current lowly job where I keep being told I'm brilliant - which is nice in a way, but it's setting the bar so low.

I'm currently worrying about DD. Personality wise she is just like me. Low self esteem, low self confidence, avoids anything scary, introverted. The problem is that she has the chance to achieve great things but won't push herself. She got all A*s and A's in GCSE and has just done first year at college predicted A grades. Recently she has the opportunity to interview at a top firm for a work placement in the career she wants but is too scared and has come up with a reason she won't do it. All because when she gets there it mentioned she would have to present a business pitch. I really wish she wasn't like me

@imnottoofussed

All because when she gets there it mentioned she would have to present a business pitch. I really wish she wasn't like me

This can be overcome!

I used to literally (and I mean 'literally' in the literal sense) faint with fear when required to give a presentation in class as a teen. I now lecture and give public talks to audiences of several hundred.

Tell her to forget about the stupid old 'tricks' people try to teach you and just try her best and be proud of herself for not dropping dead from mortification. Getting to the end of a presentation is literally all that's required. Stammering & co. don't matter at all.

FWIW, feeling mortified never went away for me. I still think of myself as a horrible public speaker. But I learned how to ignore and I keep on being booked, so I'm operating on the assumption that other's just don't notice as much and/or are just not that bothered.

This really shouldn't hold her back. And it really does get better, as in: you get used to feeling mortified and learn to cope.

This thread has been such interesting reading. I can’t work because my illness is degenerative, but I’m recovered in spirit.

Here are a few things that have helped re-build my confidence:

Jumping rope (what boxers call skipping) and weight-bearing exercise. Every time you do it, you can jump a little longer, lift a little more or do a few more reps. That constant improvement gives you such a boost.

(Re)learning to drive. From nowhere I developed a phobia about driving and looking back it was one of the first signs of my illness. Getting myself driving lessons with a sympathetic instructor, despite already having a licence, was so healing.

Going on holiday on my own.

Evening and weekend courses learning new skills.

Continued education courses - whether that’s ContEd at Oxford or the Open University. Start with short taster courses and you could end up doing a degree in an academic or vocational subject.

Running is not something I’ve personally been able to do for health reasons, but I’ve heard great things about Couch to 5k.

I think we have all shrunk away from doing difficult things that other people seem able to do easily. But there are some things that are easier for us (learning, for example) and it’s such a shame to suppress our talents and strengths just because they may not be outwardly useful, or lucrative.

I was always the top of my class. Did 12 GCSEs and got only A*s and As. Got 3As at A Level.
I ended up teaching and always thought I'd sold myself short. I loved studying and dislike work. I just don't know what I should've done.
One of my friends off my uni course is a newsreader. I would've loved that job. But I'm not career minded enough. I am now on my 3rd maternity leave and I love being off work with the kids. I just wish i were going back to something more exciting than teaching!

imnottoofussed I'm the same. I am always saying to DH that I hope none of the kids turn out to be like me. They are still very young so too early to tell.

I really hope your dd can pluck up the courage to go for it. It's such a shame that we pass onamzijg opportunities that others would just relish.

*amazing opportunities

Somebody (very driven, and very accomplished) once said to me, when I explained about dropping out of Uni etc, "what a waste of a life"..I thought, am I not worth anything as a person then?

I sometimes wonder about whether I'm on the autism spectrum.

Bullying is a massive common denominator in adult underachievement, either real or perceived, I find.

I wasn't clever in school and I didn't do great. I'm now working on Harley st as a nurse and my DH is a doctor! Every "clever" person I know has low paid jobs.

That was a shitty thing to have said to you YouTurnIfYouWantTo. A very limited idea of what life is about. I feel quite sorry for them that they measure their worth like that. They certainly had a kindness bypass.