Was anyone really bright at school but ended up in low paid jobs / no career?

[Hillsdale]

I was really bright at school. Got A* and Bs in GCSEs and a level then went onto do a vocational degree in a healthcare profession ( think pharmacist but not).

I didn't know what to do and my older siblings and parents chose my degree for me.

To cut a long story short, I suffered from social anxiety and severe confidence and esteem issues. I hated every minute of uni and at the end of my degree i couldn't even find a work training placement which I needed in order to become fully qualified after having attended so many interviews. My mental health was really bad and I felt like and was told I was a failure.

I gave up and have just done low paid nmw admin jobs. ( Not that there is anything wrong with those jobs).

But I just can't shake the feeling off of being a failure and not being able to fulfill my potential and used my head in something that I could have been good at.

I don't know what I'm saying really but just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

Me. I passed my GCSEs mostly As and Bs, did the International Baccalaureate, graduated from my BA with first class honours and have worked mostly in low level jobs - HCA, office assistant, contact centre. I'm not confident and am socially very awkward and anxious. Going to work part time since having children is my break - DD1 is part way through autism assessment and I find her behaviour very hard to manage at times, even more so now DD2 is here - so quite frankly it's all I can manage mentally.

Yup I was, could have went a lot further than I did. Bulling made me miss a lot of school and stopped me concentrating while there. Tried to fit in with older people by drinking a lot and if I hadn't fallen pregnant at 17, I would have probably ended up an alcoholic. I couldn't afford to give up work to study. Have 2 kids now and wouldn't be able to cope financially on just my partners wage.

Redbrickstumpy I was going to say something similar. It seems academic ability and getting used to achieving at school doesn’t always equate with success later on in life.

Can I ask everyone here a question? Is it really hypocritical to be really envious of people and be bitter about things, yet also not actually want what they have because you've settled into yours? I've had a lifetime of being told I'm not good enough, and I really resent the fact that I never got chosen for a better things and was turned down for all the "career" jobs. But at the same time, my low-paid job has its advantages. It's mainly low-stress, I always leave work on time so I have a life outside of work, I never take work home, the social aspects suit me, and I only very rarely worry about work when I'm not there. Also, people actually tell me I'm really good at it. I have a couple of friends with high powered jobs and tbh I haven't a clue what it is that they actually do, but they do seem to travel a lot to conferences but also work long hours and have a lot of stress. I think the only thing I'd really want out of all of that is the money! So I feel envious of the fact that they were special and great enough to be "chosen" rather than the fact that they're actually there, if that makes any sense.

I did a degree as a mature student and got a first. One really important thing I've realised is that all this shows is that I'm good at academia. It doesn't really translate into the workplace, if that makes any sense. It might open your options but it doesn't increase your ability to deal with office politics, or make people be nicer to you.

Yup. I was more often than not top of the class through school and university. I’ve had long periods of mental ill health so currently am not working. I have done work that doesn’t require qualifications because I enjoyed it.

My learning disabled sister is more successful work/career wise than me, by far.

Me. Top of the class all through GCSE’s and ALevels. Went to uni - had a bit too much fun and got a below average degree. Took a year out to work and reassess my options, met my now exh and then just kind of settled. Exh was a low achiever and made me feel bad for being a higher achieved, so for instance I was working in admin, got a promotion and a bonus...he was so emotionally abusive I ended up apologising for making him feel emasculated. I could shake mid 20’s me.

However, now late 30s, working in admin in a field I enjoy, I like my job and I like the fact I never have work stress. But I do occasionally feel bad that I have settled in life and never achieved any potential I had.

tectonic that's very true, I envy the lifestyle and would like to have a more financially easy time of it, but oh! the joy of leaving at the end of the day with nary a backward glance!

I know several people whose life has gone along this path. In each case I have noticed that the main motivation that drove them to getting their high grades at school was insecurity and fear of disappointing their pushy patents. Whereas the people who maybe didn't get such high grades but did go on to high flying careers achieved whatever academic success they enjoyed from a genuine love of their subject of study.

One such friend once said to me she feels she was lied to - throughout her childhood her parents said she must get top grades in order to be prosperous and happy in adulthood. She got top grades and is neither particularly prosperous nor particularly happy.

Self confidence and a genuine love of learning is much more important for children than high grades.

For you OP - to be happy you first need to work out what you genuinely enjoy, for itself and not for anyone else. Then work out how to make good money with that.

pushy parents. Not pushy patents.

@tectonicplates I don't feel bitter, I'm definitely envious of people who don't have financial worries. But I'm a single parent and to be honest I'm happy in a stress free job that I can forget about as soon as I walk out of the door. A lot of careers seem to want you to put in so much extra work outside office hours, there's none of that in my job. No pressure, nobody relying solely on me. I'm happy.

I always did well at School. My dm prides on telling anyone who will listen that my yr 6 teacher told her i would walk into uni there and then.

I was from a low income family. University never seemed an option and i wanted money so went onto an apprenticeship straight from school. Did hairdressing for a year, hated it. Saw a careers advisor who suggested business admin so did an nvq in that. 12 years later im still in admin forever wishing i had trained to teach but financially cant becuase im upto my eyeballs in debt.

I found school very easy. Top set and high grades. Totally oblivious to how academic I was as it didn't take any effort. I have qualifications that mean I could potentially earn a very good salary if I wanted to work long hours. I choose not to. I have enough to get by and do I job I enjoy. It isn t a career, well paid, or stressful. I get to see my children and husband every day. Walk my dog and spend time doing what I enjoy. Whilst no one would be impressed by my work, and may assume I am not very clever, I am really happy with the life I have.

Inquiquo

I think it's more that being anxious and insecure (result of having pushy/hyper critical parents) can make you a) more anxious in job interviews b) less likely to blow your own trumpet at work/openly take credit for your achievements c) less likely to go for promotions d) less likely to put forward suggestions to the boss e) be more likely to be a target of workplace bullying etc etc etc

Me! Have a PhD, complete career fuck up. I know I have potential, I’m hardworking and loyal and kind. I feel like I need a mentor, as I can’t do it alone

Me. I was very good academically but had zero confidence in public situations - interviews, presentations. I just freeze at the thought.

Despite years of trying to fight it it hasn't improved and h as led me to take underachieving roles simply because the interview process is easier.

Strong common theme on here of low self esteem. Does anyone know how to tackle that??

I'm 39, had a lot of "potential" in my late teens/early twenties, but lost my confidence due to a sequence of life events, health issues and then MH.

Currently doing a p/t admin job and raising a lovely family. But wishing I had the self confidence to use my gifts in a job and experience success in it. Have the opportunity to explore re-training for a career I'd like, but am frozen by fear. This career carries pressure with it (unavoidable) & I'm scared of the risk of crashing and burning.

What to do? Thoughts welcome

Me, I got straight As at GCSE and a level but my career is no where near the expectations I had then. It turns out I find work really rather stressful. I struggle with decision making and working under pressure so progressing up the ladder is difficult and not good for my mental health.

PotatoCity I am exactly the same. Very comfortable writing reports, emails etc but even the thought of having to stand in front of other people and speak sends me into a cold sweat! As a consequence, I have remained firmly in my comfort zone and avoided applying for any opportunities that require me to step outside this.

In my work environment most of the staff have undergraduate degrees, some postgraduate too, and are working in fairly basic admin jobs. 'Careers' aren't for everyone, and not everyone is motivated by money. Happiness is more important!

I have a first class degree and quite a good job before kids.

However, there was no way I could go any higher up in that role. Too socially anxious for one thing but also it would have required travel. I found out the hard way that I can't travel.

The few occasions I did travel for work, I'd end up crying in the hotel room at the end of the day. One time was a two night stay, everyone was required to go, no excuses. I've never told anyone this but, as I drove to work that morning to get on the bus for the airport, I cried all the way and had thoughts about crashing my car in a ditch. Honestly, for a few moments, that seemed preferable to getting on a plane.

Even going on holiday sets me off, I burst into happy tears as the train pulled into the station coming back from a weekend away in Paris. My husband thought that was rather odd. Just got back from a week by the beach which for me was a week filled with anxiety.

We've been suspecting DS1 may have ASD and have been thinking about seeing someone about it. I've been reading lots of books finding more about how to help him and realising it all sounds rather a lot like me!

Now I work part time, school hours. It's low pay but it's something I can do, something that fits my interests and 99% of the time I'm working alone which suits me just fine!

Smashed school without ever trying. Passed up dream job because it would mean 6 months away from them boyfriend (now husband but still wtf!!) now work as a waitress around husbands hours so no childcare costs. Always dream of studying further and training but just getting older and have no time. Is was it is I guess

Yep. Always the brightest at primary, passed the 11+, straight A*s/As at GCSE, couple of As at A Level, 2:1 from an RG Uni.

Whilst at Uni I got involved in an abusive relationship which continued for a few years afterwards and seriously knocked my self esteem. I never bothered applying for graduate positions and went straight into call centre work.

My 20s were spent taking drugs, drinking too much and going out with horrible men. None of which helped my self esteem.

Now at 40 I have a lovely part time job but it's minimum wage and we employ school leavers doing the same thing. I'd love to embark on a career but DH's wage would not support me retraining and we can't take on more debt. I'm stuck and it's so shit knowing I could have achieved so much more.

I think it's more that being anxious and insecure (result of having pushy/hyper critical parents) can make you a) more anxious in job interviews b) less likely to blow your own trumpet at work/openly take credit for your achievements c) less likely to go for promotions d) less likely to put forward suggestions to the boss e) be more likely to be a target of workplace bullying etc etc etc

Years and years ago I went on this job hunting training day thing that was run by a really scary, hard-nosed and high-powered HR woman. She insisted that everyone should put a "key achievements" list at the top of their CV (not the same thing as key skills). So for some people, they would write this sort of stuff:

• Increased customer engagement by 50%
• Increased company profits by 30% by implementing this new system
• Made our department more efficient by introducing this new way of working

Etc etc.

This woman just could not grasp the fact that in my type of work, we just don't have those sorts of achievements. It's just not how my job works. She was frustrated with me for selling myself short, but I just saw her as a stereotypical HR person who had no idea what other people actually do in their jobs.

She actually made me cry. I felt even less confident at the end of the day than I did at the beginning.

in each case I have noticed that the main motivation that drove them to getting their high grades at school was insecurity and fear of disappointing their pushy patents.

This wasn't the case for me. I did well at school and university pretty much effortlessly because I loved my subject, but I didn't go on to further study partly because I didn't want to move to London to do a postgraduate, and partly (mostly) because academia seemed like a frivolous self-indulgence rather than an actual grown up job. So I trained in a profession, hated it, and have worked in a series of interesting but very badly paid retail jobs ever since, with a break while was a SAHP.

I took the children to see Peter Rabbit at the cinema last week, and was quite touched when one of the characters talked about why he liked working in retail. I really really enjoy it when people don't know what they want and tell me their situation and I am able to get them just the right thing. It won't make me rich, but I enjoy being friendly and helpful and sharing knowledge at work and then going home and learning new stuff as a hobby.

So I do enjoy my life, but I get frustrated by the low status and occasional assumption that I'm not very bright.

Never too late.

I was pretty academic (A*s and As at GCSE, As and Bs at A level, 2:1 in my degree) but also lacking in confidence. It for worse after having the DC. For years I did a pretty basic job just to fit round the DC, then five years ago I took a gamble and applied for something completely different. I got the job, and have worked my way up a couple of job grades to the point where I'm on an OK salary now. I'm also being supported by my employer to go back to university and study a PT MSc. I'm still lacking in confidence, but I'm getting better.