Was anyone really bright at school but ended up in low paid jobs / no career?

[Hillsdale]

I was really bright at school. Got A* and Bs in GCSEs and a level then went onto do a vocational degree in a healthcare profession ( think pharmacist but not).

I didn't know what to do and my older siblings and parents chose my degree for me.

To cut a long story short, I suffered from social anxiety and severe confidence and esteem issues. I hated every minute of uni and at the end of my degree i couldn't even find a work training placement which I needed in order to become fully qualified after having attended so many interviews. My mental health was really bad and I felt like and was told I was a failure.

I gave up and have just done low paid nmw admin jobs. ( Not that there is anything wrong with those jobs).

But I just can't shake the feeling off of being a failure and not being able to fulfill my potential and used my head in something that I could have been good at.

I don't know what I'm saying really but just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

It seems academic ability and getting used to achieving at school doesn’t always equate with success later on in life
This is a huge part of the problem imo. You go through school being told that you’ll succeed if you work hard and get good grades. Then in the real world you’re interviewed by someone who’s looking for a colleague they enjoy working with, who can build rapport, not necessarily the smartest or best educated applicant. If you’re highly intelligent but socially awkward (the two often go together) then nobody wants to hire you. And you’re left wondering why you can’t get a job when you’ve done what you were told and got amazing grades, while people who didn’t get such good grades are being offered opportunities. You feel like a failure.

Llama, have you considered you may have autism? You aren't an awful person ffs.
@Owllady It doesn’t matter what you call it - being an awful person, socially awkward, shy, withdrawn, introverted, quiet - the result is the same. People dislike you and you don’t know why. Nobody wants to hire you as a colleague or even be your friend.

I have considered I may have autism but I guess at the age of 40 I’ll never know. I doubt it’s possible to get diagnosed, and even if I did, it wouldn’t make any difference to my situation. Putting a name to it doesn’t help.

Yep. Great at school, struggled to settle at college and ended up dropping out for the sake of my mental health, had a few office jobs before DC and now I've found myself stuck in retail. I hate it! I know I could be doing so much more but have lost a lot of self confidence over the years. My biggest regret is not getting A levels, I feel like it would have opened so many more doors for me.

I'm not really bright, I did ok at school. I know I could have done better but I was lazy and put in the bare minimum effort tbh, unless it was a subject that I loved and most I didn't. Also didn't have a huge amount of encourgement at home and was pretty much left to it, school was the same. If you were going to pass, my school weren't really interested in you and just left you. Being a bit lazy, if I'd been pushed I know I could have done better. Quite a few people have told me as an adult that I'm intelligent so they see something that maybe I don't fully recognise myself, I think I'm ok but pretty average but others say that's not the case.

I dropped out of uni. I've never ever been able to decide on what I want to do and I flounder about. I got a chronic illness in my early adulthood and didn't work for many years. I'm finally working again but am at the absolute bottom with school leavers and I'm mid 30s. I don't mind but I am aware the work I do is far below what I am capable of doing. I tend to excel in these roles because it plays to my strengths but also because it is easy for me. But others at work do very quickly recognise what a good job I do so there is that. I do feel a bit embarrassed though as being where I am in terms of 'career'. I never really desired a career, just a job but now I do feel like I'd like to be a bit more fulfiled. I do enjoy my job though and am hoping it's a way of working upwards.

I discovered last year that I have aspergers. I find it interesting that there a few on this thread who are on the spectrum and haven't fulfilled their potential. In fact that is something that is listed as one of the possible traits.

@LlamaPyjamas One of my very favourite things about uni (as a mature student, after many years in the workplace) was that they did anonymous marking. So you were truly judged on the quality of your work and you couldn't be marked down just because someone had taken a disliking to you. It was an absolute revelation. But it's also in stark contrast to how things go in workplaces.

Academic high-flyer all through school, had to work a bit harder for my BSc and MSc, but flunked out of my PhD with an MPhil due to poor mental health, wavering concentration, terrible executive functioning and not being able to fall back on my photographic memory as I'd done for most of my life.

I worked in a pastoral role at the university and even did a bit more research, later combined with a badly-paid and largely frustrating teaching job in an FE college. I've never earned a lot and I'll never be management material. I always get passed over in favour of confident, perky people who are good at going along with others's wishes.

I've also had a few office jobs in between, where I tended to crash and burn really quickly, often due to clashes with management or being bullied by people at "team leader" level. I was bullied a lot as a kid and will always struggle to accept social hierarchies that people in groups tend to create.

I love my current job, despite the weird hours, regular conflict with others and unpopular nature of the organisation I work for. Again, I'll never end up in a senior position, despite being bloody good at what I do and having a lot of integrity.

Me too, wasn't that bright at school (had a Sister who was a straight A student), but got ok GCSE's, reasonable A'levels and a 2:1 in Sociology from Warwick. TBH I did the wrong degree. Came out of uni not knowing what I wanted to do, ended up getting Secretarial qualifications cause I was desperate to get on my feet and move out of home. Did Secretarial work until I had my kids. It was mixed bag to be honest, I wasn't very good at temping, got anxious and they let you go at the slightest thing and had my confidence knocked a lot. Did have a couple of permanent jobs though. Struggled to get anything part time after having DS1, have ended up working for myself doing mystery shopping and price checking work. I have one regular job that is luckily well paid at the moment, but know that this could come crashing down at any time. Have times hen I totally feel like a failure and wish I had a proper career. Tried to work on the NHS staff bank a couple of years ago but had a horrible experience which led to me being on AD's for a year. TBH don't think I am suited to working in an office environment, always feel as if horrible things are going on behind your back and you have to be more guarded than I have ever managed to be, but don't know if I want to work for myself for ever either. What I'm doing fits in around my kids (they are 11 and 8) and my husband who works. Don't know what the answer is as any marketing jobs either need more qualifications or need good maths skills (I just got a C at GCSE), and I'm not sure enough about anything. At the end of the day its a stark choice between improving one's career (if at all possible) or accepting that maybe it isn't their strong point and focusing on other areas. At the moment I feel I need to do the later but I worry so much about people judging me especially when so many people around me have done so well.

I wouldn’t say I’ve made a flop with my career - I have a reasonable professional qualification. But I certainly didn’t reach my potential in my teens due to having zero support for dyslexia, which meant I studied a safe course at uni rather than what I actually wanted to do. I’m now in my 30s and have just completed the first year of a master course with a good mark, and am realising my potential (even with small children and a full time job!)

Me. Top marks all through school and 6th Form. Expected to get into Oxbridge but didn't quite make it, but went to a good uni to study a vocational degree that would have led into a well-thought-of profession. But I didn't have the discipline to knuckle down once the accountability to teachers/parents was removed, stopped going to lectures for fear of being told off for not having done the work, and basically dropped out and started working in a bar. I eventually swapped degree courses and scraped a 2:2 in a subject I had no interest in, just to feel like I hadn't totally wasted 6 years at uni.

I then hopped between temp admin jobs that I hated, retrained after I met my husband as a degree-level HCP (I got a 1st in that degree!), but then left work to have my kids. Three kids in quick succession later, I couldn't afford childcare and let my registration lapse.

I've very recently retrained again in an unrelated field that requires absolutely no degree whatsoever and have just started working in a job I enjoy more than anything I've ever done before. It's never going to be highly paid but it's so much more satisfying and for the first time ever I don't dread going to work. I'm 36 and have felt like a failure most of my life, it's taken me this long to ditch the chip on my shoulder about not doing as well financially and socially as peers/not being a doctor, lawyer, architect etc but finally I feel happy with what I'm doing. (Although it would be nice to be rich )

I have my school reports from 9 upwards...up till 14, 'very bright girl, should do well'..then from 14 no expectations , quiet, well behaved but no drive or ambition, was anonymous in a cohort of 400 in my comp I slid to mediocre...took 4 O levels and clutch of CSEs...got into 6th form but at home my DM got married and her DH decided I had to leave and get a job whole other thread ...managed to hold on until A levels (worked around school hours) but university wasn't an option.
Got a admin job...hated it...got pg with DS1 within 2 years of leaving school.
That was it until I was nearly 40!! SAHM, then carer for aging GPs then DH as his health declined...
Got job at nearly 40 but struggled to get anyone to take me seriously and view me as anything other than good at my 'entry level' I hate that term job. Until I met a manager who took a shine to me...10 years later I got promoted to dept manager.

DS1 incredibly bright (IQ 156) scholarships at 8 and 14 to indie schools....MH issues kicked in at 16, got kicked out of school 6 weeks before A levels...diagnosed as ASD as well in his mid 20s...been sacked or walked out of every job since he was 18...now works in a factory..at the mo...

Not what I wanted for him...or me...

Oh...and one of the reasons they wouldn't promote me...'You don't have the social skills' but actually my 'entry level' role required more of those than my present role...

Me too - have an MA but have never really gone past entry level professional jobs. Had DS at 28 so hadn't really climbed the career ladder yet.
Currently trudging my way through an MSc with a toddler.

I would like a career but I'd like more DC and I don't think I'm driven enough to be a good mum and be careery (I find the interpersonal/office poltics stuff exhausting). I think I'd be happier with a little p/t job I can just leave at the end of the day.

Yes, me. I got A*s, As and Bs at GCSE, slightly less great A-levels but then I also have a 2.1 from a good university. I've been a support worker (albeit on quite a bit more than nmw) ever since. I did start nurse training, loved the academic side but didn't love the practical side so dropped out. I've since had 3 children so the support work has fitted in well as me and DP can work around each other. But I want a career now. I'm 36 and not sure whether to just go for better jobs or do further training. No idea.

@inquiquotiokixul

My parents weren't at all pushy, in fact quite the opposite. I was just naturally very clever and found school etc a total doddle, never had to actually try very hard at all to -'get' anything. This fostered an almost over confidence and a lazy streak a mile wide.

I almost wish my parents had been a little pushier sometimes because maybe I could have been a high flyer. But they valued my mental health over a career and encouraged me to stop doing something if it was making me miserable and do something that made me happy instead.

So now I'm a skint but happy chef rather than a richer but more miserable scientist.

Me. But I'm autistic, recently diagnosed, and despite a good brain I cannot fulfill my academic/career potential because I had babies which has taken all of my energy. I went back to college 4 years ago and got some Horticulture qualifications. I'm a self-employed gardener now, which is very therapeutic but I'll never be a millionaire! It is what it is and I have to accept my limitations and make the best of life.

Me! I was very bright at school but started to have mental health issues at 16. Had what I now know was severe depression and didn't even try in my O Levels. Left school and blundered about for a couple of years, wondering why I couldn't seem to cope with stuff that everyone else found so easy. Worked in social care until I married at 23, then worked part time at the same thing after DC's were born. Never mananged to get any NVQs. Now divorced, have an auto-immune condition which limits what I can do. I am 51 and I clean offices for a couple of hours every weekday. I am ashamed of myself, and my low earnings and my low status. But I am going to university in September, and determined to change things. I can't work in care again, I'm completely burned out.
Recently discovered I have had undiagnosed Dyspraxia all my life and that certainly hasn't helped.

^^ What's there to be ashamed of in doing an essential job like cleaning?

I saw someone else use the phrase 'I haven't amounted to anything'. We all 'amount to something' by virtue of being human. I know it may seem as if it is, but your worth as a person really isn't contingent upon high earnings and career success.

Thank you for that kind comment, it is essential I suppose. Really, it's the way other people react when I tell them I'm a cleaner. They make all sorts of assumptions about me which aren't true.

Yes I did well in school. A* and A's in GCSE. Went off to uni which I really struggled with. Anxiety, horrendous home sickness and just never settled into it at all. Add in a horribly controlling and violent new boyfriend and I basically crashed and burned. It was a hideous time.

I graduated (by the skin of my teeth), and moved home. Worked a few unrelated admin jobs and never progressed above that. Met DH, marred and had our DC.

We have a lovely home and a happy marriage. However, I do feel like a waster when it comes to work. I earn MNW and have no pension. I wish I could eliminate that feeling of failure, it stings.

I think I'm undiagnosed autistic. I have zero self esteem and my anxiety is constant.

If you are still reading OP

There is a difference between being academic, bright, able to pass exams and being able to hold down a demanding job. It is fine, and right to accept that you are 'bright' but not able to cope in a demanding job.

They are genuinely two very different skills.

Me. Got 11 O Grades, 6 Highers (3A's, 1B, 2C's), A Sixth Year Studies, an unconditional place at a top University..lasted a year before dropping out..have done the odd very low paid job since, but not much. Childhood trauma left me a useless mess, and I have never been able, nor had the courage to overcome that. I try not to think about "if only" too much. I do feel a complete failure in that respect.

@AnotherEmma It's interesting hearing from other Oxbridge grads - it was sold to me for a long time as being a ticket to the gilded life. Looking round now and myself and my contemporaries there are some that are/were high-fliers and others just middling along - certainly amongst my cohort it's not remarkably different than any other group.

That said, I graduated and was a high-flier for some years before I had a breakdown and started from the bottom again.

What I've learnt is that no amount of money or status makes up for strong and positive mental health. One of the happiest people I came across was the cleaner at my ex London-city job.

Yes. I am 47 now woth 2 school ages kids. I don't tell people about my education because of the expectation that comes with beig 'bright.'

I am v susceptible to stress. I think a career may have pushed me over the edge anyway.

There is a difference between being academic, bright, able to pass exams and being able to hold down a demanding job. It is fine, and right to accept that you are 'bright' but not able to cope in a demanding job.

Right, but nobody ever admits this to is when we're younger, so we constantly have people asking what's wrong with us. Why do you do x job when you have such a good degree?

Also there's a stereotype of academics not having common sense, or not being able to do the basics in life, even when they've had papers published in the most esteemed journals.

There is a difference between being academic, bright, able to pass exams and being able to hold down a demanding job
I am totally capable of holding down a demanding job. The issue is that nobody will give me a decent job because I lack social skills.