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Original poster

MIL pretending newborn is hers

97 replies

pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:33

My DS is 5 weeks old. MIL is lovely but can be overbearing. Before DS was born she acted like he was hers, referring to him as "her" baby on Facebook, making 'jokes' about how she will be the favourite nana etc. I was dreading giving birth, having visions of her snatching him off me etc but she was actually okay. She did ask if she could babysit him for a few hours on the following thursday after he was born as we left the hospital but said it was fine if i didnt feel ready and mentioned that she didnt let her DH take her babies out for the first 6 months Confused

It feels like she only wants to see DS if she can take him out and show him off, she never comes to our house to see him. Reluctantly, Ive let her take him out for an hour or two when he was 4 days old then again at 3 weeks old. She told my DP she feels she doesnt have enough alone time with DS last week. Wtf? he is 5 weeks old!

Anyway, when she took him to a cafe my friend works at. My friend told me today she saw MIL, who was telling some elderly ladies that my son was hers!! Now, she could have been joking but my friend overheard her describing her labour and birth with him. This has really creeped me out Hmm DP insists she was most likely joking but with her other behaviour/comments I feel really uncomfortable letting her take him out again. Whenever I say no to her or an excuse why not she ignores me then cries to DP. I just dont know what to do!! AIBU or is she acting really odd? Or am I the one over reacting?

OP posts:
Auldspinster · 19/07/2018 20:36

You're not overreacting, that's seriously weird behavior

RaininSummer · 19/07/2018 20:37

Extremely peculiar behaviour I think. I am a grandmother but much as I love my granddaughter I cant imagine asking for alone time especially when she was a baby. The cafe story is very weird indeed. Not sure how you can deal with it though.

TittyGolightly · 19/07/2018 20:37

Stop letting her take your baby out. He should be with you.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 19/07/2018 20:38

If she was joking it’s not remotely funny.

You don’t have to let anyone take your baby, for an hour, for a minute. He’s yours and your partner’s and she’s really overstepping in a big way.

What does DP say when she complains to him? He needs to have your back on this and if whether or not he does right now you need to draw very strong boundaries and stick to them.

Your baby is 5 weeks. He’s TINY and brand new. Enjoy him. Take to your bed with him and snuggle. Have nice walks the three of you. DP can invite her over for tea or a meal if you’d both like to but if you don’t want her taking him out without you then you can just say no.

WishUponAStar88 · 19/07/2018 20:40

Fucking weird behaviour I’d be furious.

Arum51 · 19/07/2018 20:42

It wasn't a joke if she was describing the labour as if it was hers! That goes way beyond spinning a gag a little too long. It is very, very odd indeed. I would be extremely uncomfortable with it, and I think I'd have to let her know she'd been seen/overheard. I certainly wouldn't be letting her take my child out again.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 19/07/2018 20:42

Stop letting her take him. A 5 week old doesn't need to be taken out by other people period, and this is weird enough to put her firmly in the "mental, steer well clear" box.

Time to channel your inner maternal tiger.

user1493413286 · 19/07/2018 20:42

That part about the birth is seriously weird; I’d be tempted to stop her taking him out

Pinkgeorge · 19/07/2018 20:42

How old is MIL !? X

ParkheadParadise · 19/07/2018 20:43

What age is she?
She sounds fuckin bonkers.

Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:44

I know. I'm a soft person who gave into her when she asked to take him out, now especially after today I'll be saying no. DP tends to avoid conflict and just leave it for me to deal with his mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:45

She's 41, I'm 20 and DP is 22

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 19/07/2018 20:45

Very strange behaviour. How old is MIL? I'd be a bit worried about her MH tbh. Have any marbles gone missing recently?

robindeer · 19/07/2018 20:46

No no no.

He is your baby. He needs to be with you. Nobody else, not even your husband. You are all he needs and the very thought that you need to excuse that for someone else's feelings is madness. She should know better. You look after the baby, everyone else looks after you. That's how it's supposed to work.

Don't let him out of your sight, sod anyone else and their bonkers requests.

Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:46

@Singlenotsingle Ha I think she has lost a few marbles.

When I was pregnant she used to say she missed being pregnant (she has 3 kids) and would love another baby. Her behaviour is making me feel really creeped out the more I think about it Confused

OP posts:
mimibunz · 19/07/2018 20:47

This isn’t the first time we have heard this story. Is this a thing with some MILs? It’s over stepping boundaries. They already had their babies!!

BounceAndClimb · 19/07/2018 20:48

Thats seriously odd, though did your friend hear the full conversation or is it possible they were talking about her own children ie. 'It reminds me of when DS was tiny, (insert long labour story which your friend heard)'

CrazyOldBagLady · 19/07/2018 20:48

Crazy talk in the cafe aside, she has no right to try and separate a new baby from its mother. The baby is getting nothing out of this, and unless you need a break then he should be with you. Put a stop to it now unless it’s for the benefit of you or the baby. He is not a toy.

crazydoglady6867 · 19/07/2018 20:49

I would have to speak up her direct, this may be weird but it is also very sad and she sounds like she needs a bit of help.

PixieCutRegret · 19/07/2018 20:50

Oh no OP that is seriously creepy. You would be quite within your rights to end alone time with her. A baby that age just needs the security of being with his mum. DO should be sticking up for you.

The soft side of me wonders if she has any residual trauma from when she was a new mum and she's now trying to relive it in a bit of an unhealthy way, but that's her problem to deal with, not yours.

PixieCutRegret · 19/07/2018 20:51

*DP bloody autocorrect!

Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:52

@BounceandClimb My friend doesnt know MIL, she just recognised her from fb and my pram. Apparently the ladies said how cute Ds was etc, and assumed she was mum. MIL then described labour/birth and made a comment that she wad happy to be back to normal which wouldnt make sense if she was describing DPs birth IYSWIM.

OP posts:
BE18mum · 19/07/2018 20:53

Nip it in the bud and don’t let her have any more alone time. My MIL did the ‘my baby’ introduction and nagged for alone time but I just repeatedly said no and made it clear that my LO is going nowhere without me until she’s much older. Your MIL sounds much creepier though :s

Good luck and congratulations!

Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:53

I think she is pretending he is hers because she had a bad relationship with DP when he was younger (first child). I just dont know how to approach it with her. Say outright that I dont want him to go out without me, make excuses or what Hmm

OP posts:
thestarsatnight · 19/07/2018 20:54

When I was pregnant she used to say she missed being pregnant (she has 3 kids) and would love another baby.

Pretending the baby is hers is odd but the above comment isn't. That is an entirely normal comment. Why do you think that is weird? Lots of women feel nostalgic and longing when they see pregnant women. Even if they are gosh! Ancient horror! in their 40's.

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