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Original poster

MIL pretending newborn is hers

97 replies

pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:33

My DS is 5 weeks old. MIL is lovely but can be overbearing. Before DS was born she acted like he was hers, referring to him as "her" baby on Facebook, making 'jokes' about how she will be the favourite nana etc. I was dreading giving birth, having visions of her snatching him off me etc but she was actually okay. She did ask if she could babysit him for a few hours on the following thursday after he was born as we left the hospital but said it was fine if i didnt feel ready and mentioned that she didnt let her DH take her babies out for the first 6 months Confused

It feels like she only wants to see DS if she can take him out and show him off, she never comes to our house to see him. Reluctantly, Ive let her take him out for an hour or two when he was 4 days old then again at 3 weeks old. She told my DP she feels she doesnt have enough alone time with DS last week. Wtf? he is 5 weeks old!

Anyway, when she took him to a cafe my friend works at. My friend told me today she saw MIL, who was telling some elderly ladies that my son was hers!! Now, she could have been joking but my friend overheard her describing her labour and birth with him. This has really creeped me out Hmm DP insists she was most likely joking but with her other behaviour/comments I feel really uncomfortable letting her take him out again. Whenever I say no to her or an excuse why not she ignores me then cries to DP. I just dont know what to do!! AIBU or is she acting really odd? Or am I the one over reacting?

OP posts:
Parky04 · 19/07/2018 20:54

So people would actually believe it was her baby then. She sounds deranged. I would limit contact.

HoleyCoMoley · 19/07/2018 20:55

That is a bit nutty, pretending a baby is hers, I think you should stop her taking your baby out on her own, tell her why and if she cries or gets upset suggest she seek help. That is not normal behaviour. Maybe she is feeling old.

RaininSummer · 19/07/2018 20:55

She is a young grandmother so I wonder if she has some kind of angst about her own childbearing years being over. She probably hadnt thought about it consciously before. You are young and have your family making years ahead of you and I guess she now realises the baton has passed on. Still weird though.

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Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:56

@thestarsatnight In no way do I think that comment alone is weird, heck even I miss being pregnant and want another baby already lol. its just that along with her other comments and behaviour. I feel like shes living her 'dream' through my son

OP posts:
Tinkerbell89 · 19/07/2018 20:57

I believe this is concerning behaviour and wouldn't let her take him out on her own again. He is still very little so it's more than acceptable to say no to her and DP should understand it's normal for babies to be with their mums all the time. Her crying to your DP appears to be selfish and manipulative to get what she wants and not what's best for you or baby. I would suggest you tell her you want to spend time with your baby and want him to be with you and you aren't ready to keep letting him be out without you so if she wants to see baby and spend time with him she will have to do it with you there. Your DP should support you. Good luck

SharpLily · 19/07/2018 21:01

I think you and your husband need to sit down together with her and let her know she's been caught out and ask her to explain her behaviour. As she will be unable to come up with a decent explanation you can then explain that thanks to this incident she will not be taking your child out again until you decide you are ready. You shouldn't need to make excuses. I do think the two of you need to present a united front though. She sounds batshit.

BounceAndClimb · 19/07/2018 21:02

That's really odd then. I think DP briefly mentioning a friend over hearing is the best option. It will explain to her why you're not as comfortable so hopefully avoid any arguments/confusion.
Maybe best if he says it was one of his friends to avoid you getting involved!

Racecardriver · 19/07/2018 21:04

Well she's a bit mental isn't she? Just tell your DH that you don't feel comfortable leaving your very young baby with a loon end of. Up to him how he breaks the news.

BounceAndClimb · 19/07/2018 21:06

My 2 under 2 are always with us, if someone mentions taking them out I just say that's a good idea we can all go, or say maybe another time its nearly nap time/tea/bed time if its not good timing.

RandomMess · 19/07/2018 21:06

She's only 41 and desperately wants another baby probably and realistically still young enough to do so. It's really inappropriate behaviour though, she's had her DC.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 19/07/2018 21:06

Bloody hell that is seriously odd behaviour. Honestly there's no reason for her to need time alone with a newborn baby anyway. I'd just say I'm not comfortable being apart from him for the foreseeable future.

AmazingPostVoices · 19/07/2018 21:07

You don’t need to make excuses. You don’t need to explain.

She sees the baby with you present only and she can cry all she likes to DP but his job is to back you up.

Set boundaries now or it’s only going to get worse.

You don’t need to be confrontational. Just smile cheerfully and say “no that doesn’t work for me”.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/07/2018 21:07

She does not need 'alone time' with a baby that tiny. He needs his mum (and dad) and bonding time with you, not some nutjob who's handing him around in a cafe and whittering about being his mum.

I'm a grandma of three and I've never understood this obsession with having to 'play babies' with the grandchildren. They aren't ours! We get to give them back and it's great! But I'd certainly nip the 'alone time' in the bud - just tell her he's far too tiny to leave...

InConstantNeedOfAGin · 19/07/2018 21:07

I think your DP needs to really step up here and get firmly on your side, conflict or not. 5 weeks after giving birth, you are still hormonal, and you are learning and getting to know your new baby. People shouldn't be stepping into your little bubble right now, unless you ask them to. My DD didn't go out away from me til 12 weeks, so MIL asking you to keep taking DS out when he is barely a week old is crossing a line. Firmly tell her no, he is still too small to be paraded around town like a trophy, he's a baby not a puppy!! And tell DP to get a back bone and stand up to his mother, he's 22 for goodness sake!

Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 21:08

Thanks everyone. Think I'll try the idea of Dp saying it was his friend and Ill stay out of it (she doesnt know Im friends with the girl)

OP posts:
imsoboredwithitall · 19/07/2018 21:09

She's 41 Blush that's my age

ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen · 19/07/2018 21:09

No more MIL taking out baby. You don't need an excuse but if you want one (and your BF) tell her your boobs hurt when he's away from you.

BounceAndClimb · 19/07/2018 21:10

If she pushes when you try that just say I'd rather stay with him this age I didn't like being away from him yet when we tried it.

zzzzz · 19/07/2018 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 21:14

I wish I breastfed, unfortunately I cant. Otherwise I could just say due to BF Sad

OP posts:
ChristianGreysAnatomy · 19/07/2018 21:14

Fuck me! I’m 41 and I’d love another baby but this is just ODD. Just say “thank you for the offer, so kind of you, but I’m fine and enjoying time with my new baby. I will let you know when I need a break.” Then repeat whenever needed.

Igorina · 19/07/2018 21:16

As others have said there is no reason for her to have 'alone time' with your son.

Odd behavior aside you should never allow other people to pressure you into choices you are uncomfortable with when it comes to your children.

Let your DP handle it as long as he is 100% on your side and knows that you're not going to budge no matter how she reacts.

XingMing · 19/07/2018 21:17

Seconding all the stuff about straightening her out that has already been posted, but another thought from a very much older person, if I may?

I had my first/only child at 43 (right for me) and your MIL may just be having a broody burst. She is far from being too old to have another, and may feel too young to want to be granny with the support stockings.

zzzzz · 19/07/2018 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TillyMint81 · 19/07/2018 21:21

I'm not massively older than your mil, I'm 37, I'm baby days are over. My youngest is three and one of three and I definitely don't want anymore. I'm sad that I won't ever be pregnant again (even though pregnancy is horrendous for me) I'm sad that I won't ever meet my newborn again or breastfeed or babywear. This doesn't mean I'll pretend my grandchildren were born of me! I'm hoping I'll be the grandparent who offers to be on standby but doesn't push it.

From another angle my husband booked us a cinema and meal night out for my bday when dd1 was 3 weeks old. He didn't tel me until we drove away from my parents without my baby Shock
He wouldn't let me call them to see how she was and he invited our close couple friends.
He genuinely thought he was doing the right thing. Friend kept saying I needed to cut the cord. I know it was from a good place but even now, 13 years later I have never forgiven them. I've got past it but it was the worst thing they could have done. I should have been curled up on a couch with my newborn. You don't get that back.
Your dh needs to step up and tell her she is out of order. Are you Breastfeeding? Tell them you are having supply issues and need baby with you at all times. If not say baby has been a bit offside so you are having some quiet time to keep the germs to yourselves.