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Original poster

MIL pretending newborn is hers

97 replies

pinksmarty · 19/07/2018 20:33

My DS is 5 weeks old. MIL is lovely but can be overbearing. Before DS was born she acted like he was hers, referring to him as "her" baby on Facebook, making 'jokes' about how she will be the favourite nana etc. I was dreading giving birth, having visions of her snatching him off me etc but she was actually okay. She did ask if she could babysit him for a few hours on the following thursday after he was born as we left the hospital but said it was fine if i didnt feel ready and mentioned that she didnt let her DH take her babies out for the first 6 months

It feels like she only wants to see DS if she can take him out and show him off, she never comes to our house to see him. Reluctantly, Ive let her take him out for an hour or two when he was 4 days old then again at 3 weeks old. She told my DP she feels she doesnt have enough alone time with DS last week. Wtf? he is 5 weeks old!

Anyway, when she took him to a cafe my friend works at. My friend told me today she saw MIL, who was telling some elderly ladies that my son was hers!! Now, she could have been joking but my friend overheard her describing her labour and birth with him. This has really creeped me out DP insists she was most likely joking but with her other behaviour/comments I feel really uncomfortable letting her take him out again. Whenever I say no to her or an excuse why not she ignores me then cries to DP. I just dont know what to do!! AIBU or is she acting really odd? Or am I the one over reacting?

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/07/2018 22:00

It's a shame DP has sent a text. It would have been better to confront her face to face and watch her reaction.

Ohyesiam · 19/07/2018 22:12

She must be very lonely, or just very wrapped up in her own world to have a conversation like the one in the cafe.
It would be a scary thing for the op to hear. Glad your dp has texted her.

Lay down the rules, unless she’s a real CF she won’t come back on it, and if she does just keep calmly telling her that you’ll let her know when you’re ready to hand over your baby ( maybe by school age...) .

Cindie943811A · 19/07/2018 22:21

OP if you find it hard to justify your refusal to let Mil take your DS out tell her you feel very anxious when you are separated from him and don’t want this to develop into full blown anxiety attacks. Say experts believe consistent care by the main caregivers ie parents is recommended for young babies in order to ensure a secure attachment. Stick to this.
Lovely to hear a young mum so enjoying her baby!
Good luck

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GabsAlot · 19/07/2018 23:32

she'll just come up with an excuse now or lie

you cant tell that tghrough a text

but just say your just not comfrotable being away from ds

noseoftralee · 19/07/2018 23:40

Do you have anyone outside of their family to support you - your Mum, Aunty etc. ?

Snipples · 19/07/2018 23:49

Oh OP I'd be raging if this were me. My baby is 6 weeks old. It's just not on. I suspect she will say that she's been misheard or just outright lie about what she said. That is by the by. Just stand your ground and say no next time she demands to take the baby out without you.

If you don't start setting boundaries now then her type will trample all over you. She'll be wanting overnights next and then it will be all weekend every weekend. Just start putting your foot down love. Good luck!

SandyY2K · 19/07/2018 23:51

No way would anyone take out my baby at 4 days old. Not a chance.

I wouldn't be letting her see him alone anymore. She can go and have her own baby if she wants one.

The simple reason is "I don't feel comfortable".. you don't need to say anymore than that.

I also wouldn't want to have her as a childminder when or if you return to work.

She's barmy.

XingMing · 20/07/2018 21:09

Did anyone listen to Women's Hour today, and hear Arianna Huffington talking about rage and outrage? I think she made some good points about our collective ability to stew one up from hearsay and anecdote. Having read the whole thread, including the drip fed information and thought about it for 24 hours, I think

Grandma would have liked to be a new mum again. OP suggests that her FIL has had a vasectomy despite his partner's yearning for more children. Given that she is younger then I was when I started my family, this doesn't sound very odd. The discordancy comes from her wanting to take her GC out to pass it off as her own. Nowt as queer as folk....

Petalflowers · 20/07/2018 21:16

I thought this was going to be about a gp referring to gs (grandson) as ‘her favourite little boy’ or something similar. That would be fair enough.

However to pretend that she has given birth is beyond creepy.

You need to be selfish and learn to say No until,you feel,more comfortable again.

Congratulations on your baby by the way.

Original poster

pinksmarty · 20/07/2018 22:29

MIL insisting the cafe situation was a joke...

we also had a phone conversation where she said she cant wait to take him out next week to which i politely said that she should come here instead and that its too much her taking him out the house but thanks for the offer. She took it better than i thought but wouldnt be surprised if she cries to Dp about it

OP posts:

StepBackNow · 21/07/2018 08:03

Well done, OP. Only supervised, she's unbalanced.

LuvMyBubbles · 22/07/2018 04:05

Stay strong OP. Set those boundaries. You never need to let your baby go out with anyone at the age br astfeeding or not!
Hopefully she won’t kick off but I doubt that too
You have some interesting times ahead.
She is unhinged

blueskypink · 22/07/2018 04:19

My breastfeeding didn't stop my MIL taking ds1 out when he was tiny and regularly keeping him out longer than she said she would. She would always be vague about where she was going and this was pre mobile phones so I had no way of getting in touch with her.

Seniorschoolmum · 22/07/2018 04:32

If she’s 41, next time she asks to take your ds, ask her if she’s considered having another baby herself?
It might be illuminating.

mathanxiety · 22/07/2018 05:04

Under no circumstances should you allow this woman to take your baby out of your sight, ever.

Stand firm. Ignore any crying, wheedling, etc. Make it plain that you are unshakeable and completely tough here. Tell her you are 'sorry she feels that way' if she tries emotional manipulation.

What she did was seriously bizarre, and you should not trust her.

Booie09 · 22/07/2018 05:48

Nip it in the bud!! We named our daughter after my gran and MIL would often say why don't I name her after her mum(let's say her name was Dolly) told her we loved our chosen name! When baby was born she would often talk to our baby and say Dolly, soon asked her to stop! She also said to me she would be the favourite Nanny because she looked after her.....pointed out she had to Nannies who were equal..

S0upertrooper · 22/07/2018 06:27

Tell her your wee boy is not a toy. If anyone looks after your baby it should be to give you a break not for their benefit and it should be on your terms. Her behaviour sounds weird and maybe you could tell your health visitor? I know your young and it's hard being a new Mum and standing up to bonkers MIL but you need to nip this in the bud. I'm 51 and probably won't be a GM as my DS doesn't want a family but there's no way I'd expect 'alone time' with anyone else's baby. She needs to get a dog!

GinUnicorn · 22/07/2018 06:46

Personally I think I’d be honest and direct with her and just ignore the cafe stuff.

“No MIl I don’t want my son being taken away by anyone else I want him with me.”

“Perhaps when he is a few months old”

And repeat.

Good luck

MayContainBrain · 22/07/2018 06:57

I’d be telling her to take a long walk around town to collect her lost marbles or she will be lucky to see DS supervised, let alone unsupervised.

Stand up to her OP. She’s being a manipulative witch.

OnThisHill · 22/07/2018 07:03

This reply has been deleted

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pickledpink05 · 22/07/2018 20:10

This is a bit concerning in my opinion. Maybe she's just got a bit carried away - a fucking lot!

I would pull her about what your friend saw - it's too much and if she is getting a bit carried away with herself, now is the time to nip it in the bud !

It could be her innocently just getting too over the top but don't let it go on any further. 😬

SandyY2K · 27/07/2018 01:55

I knew she'd pretend it was a joke. Best to keep him with you and no more outings with MIL.

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