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Original poster

Serious issues in a child’s home

117 replies

beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:00

Hi need some advice. Dd10 has a best friend who lives in a nice house etc. Parents very unsociable to the point that if you drop their child off after a sleepover they don’t come to the door and the child lets themselves in. Anyway this kid (she’s one of 3 children in home) has told my dd and me a lot. She doesn’t have toys or books just a bed in her room. She has to stay in there all the time. Parents don’t talk to her at all. She has a slice of toast for tea , no breakfast, and a packet of crisps in her packed lunch bag (I’ve been doubling daughters packed lunch for 6 months so she eats!) .. it’s horrendous the things she says. Anyway to cut a long story short she told someone at school today that her dad hit her older sister (12) round face with house phone last night. She was pulled out of class and not seen her since. I’m really worried they might have sent her home and don’t realise just how bad things are and have told him what she said.
Question is .. would u contact school n tell them everything else you know? I don’t want to interfere as had a similar issue a couple of years ago with another child and caused my daughter to have a really bad time through bullying. Help!!

OP posts:

Original poster

beehive74 · 19/04/2018 23:01

Mathanxiety my daughter has only been to the house on a sleepover pickup once. we drop her at door every time with no parent around. The one time my daughter has been in property (at easter hols) she confirmed what this child has been saying for months,(messy, no toys, nothing in bedroom and couldnt wait to leave) The parents both work full time but its the grandmas house who works away... the parents drive big sporty cars, eat out n takeaways most night, tattoos are a regular thing plus hairdressers appointment etc... the children only go out to go to school.. never with them at weekends etc (their 13 year old babysits other 2) .. they never eat with children.. when they both home had long day so children straight in rooms at 6pm n arent allowed out.. whole thing is odd because the money is going in house... only saving grace is the grandma when shes home but unfortunately thats been only once every couple of months for a few days!

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 19/04/2018 23:08

But you still got involved, Beehive. Your DD and this child were still friends. You didn't know who or what your DD would encounter in the house but you still let her go in. So well done. And you never know, the fact that the parents knew your DD was a friend of their child and that you were clearly somewhere in the background of the child's life may have kept them from even worse treatment of her.

Ginger1982 · 19/04/2018 23:33

People need to get off their high horses and stop giving OP a hard time. Speak to someone tomorrow OP. Better late than never.

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Families

willynillypie · 20/04/2018 08:45

OP please let us know what happens - I really hope that everything is alright

mommybear1 · 20/04/2018 10:31

OP what a terrible situation I do hope everyone is ok please let us know what happens.

Tika77 · 20/04/2018 14:36

I don't think we'll be seing updates on a public forum if there are real safeguarding concerns.
I'm hoping the children will be looked after by somebody very soon.

deplorabelle · 20/04/2018 15:35

Because so many people have safeguarding training these days it is very easy to imagine everyone knows what to do in beehive's situation. Seeing this has highlighted that people can be afraid to report and I will look at my school's website to see if we can help by updating guidance to parents (I'm safeguarding governor) so thank you for that.

FWIW OP I can see why you were in a quandary. For future reference, if you raise a safeguarding concern such as a child doesn't get packed lunch, that should be taken seriously by the school but it wouldn't lead to sirens wailing bellringing intervention, it would be put on record and the safeguarding lead would act on it based on any other jigsaw pieces they had on record.

I think the school could have handled it better when you reported your general concerns. Someone ideally should have followed up with you to find out if you had specific concerns about a child. You weren't sure you should have named names but they should have called you back and given you the confidence to share all the details. I hope school learn from this for any other incidents in the future

Original poster

beehive74 · 20/04/2018 17:11

Update .. social services and school involved heavily now and the child is safe. Thank you all for your help x

OP posts:

Heratnumber7 · 20/04/2018 17:16

A safeguarding course would advise you to call NSPCC or similar.

blueskyinmarch · 20/04/2018 17:38

That is excellent Beehive. Thanks for updating.

Ickyockycocky · 20/04/2018 17:44

The correct procedure for anyone with Safeguarding concerns, is to contact their local Children's Social Care. Social workers log all reports and will use this information to build up a picture of what's happening.

Well done Beehive and thanks for the update.

Bigpharmafemme · 20/04/2018 19:10

This has been on my mind all day. V pleased to hear this update.

ShackUp · 20/04/2018 19:24

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 20/04/2018 19:28

I'm so glad.

Thank you for taking a notice of this child's plight.

Mellifera · 20/04/2018 19:36

In one of your posts you wrote what I thought all along.

That it was better for her to have you in her life for a time, (and not rushing to get people involved after the first revelation) to see how things are in other people‘s houses, to see how you cared for her (food, drink, etc) and offered emotional support.
To see how loving families work.
She may indeed have clammed up or denied everything because trust ist difficult to grow when you come from this sort of background.

You have done a very compasionate thing OP.
I think quite a few people on this thread including me should have had someone like you in their childhood.
She won‘t forget your kindness.

IAmBreakmasterCylinder · 20/04/2018 19:37

So glad to see your update Beehive.

I’m glad this poor little girl has had you and your DD in her life. Hopefully she’s now on the road to a better life

This must have been so hard. You have been very kind

Itwontrainallthetime · 28/04/2018 20:47

It's hard to know what to do for the best.
What you have been doing for this girl is fantastic and im glad it's all come out now and the children will be getting the help they need.

Just reading what you have wrote worries me though as I know a child in similar circumstances but the child isn't underweight etc but there has been neglect and ss have been involved but the situation hasn't been solved as there are still things going on that shouldn't be.
It's not knowing what to do for the best as you don't want to make matters worse for the child but it's hard to just ignore and know if to get involved or not for the sake of the child.

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