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Original poster

Serious issues in a child’s home

117 replies

beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:00

Hi need some advice. Dd10 has a best friend who lives in a nice house etc. Parents very unsociable to the point that if you drop their child off after a sleepover they don’t come to the door and the child lets themselves in. Anyway this kid (she’s one of 3 children in home) has told my dd and me a lot. She doesn’t have toys or books just a bed in her room. She has to stay in there all the time. Parents don’t talk to her at all. She has a slice of toast for tea , no breakfast, and a packet of crisps in her packed lunch bag (I’ve been doubling daughters packed lunch for 6 months so she eats!) .. it’s horrendous the things she says. Anyway to cut a long story short she told someone at school today that her dad hit her older sister (12) round face with house phone last night. She was pulled out of class and not seen her since. I’m really worried they might have sent her home and don’t realise just how bad things are and have told him what she said.
Question is .. would u contact school n tell them everything else you know? I don’t want to interfere as had a similar issue a couple of years ago with another child and caused my daughter to have a really bad time through bullying. Help!!

OP posts:
Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:31

It was then she reported it to today

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 19/04/2018 20:33

If she told a teacher in school it is possible she was taken out to talk to child protection social workers and police ( used to be a SW doing this job). If we planned to remove the child(ren) then they wouldn't always go back into class. Could this have happened? It wouldn't hurt to tell the school of your concerns tomorrow.

gamerchick · 19/04/2018 20:34

You need to give what you know as well. There are 2 other kids in that house that could need help. Look how many bairns have died because people didn’t think to say the little they knew and thought.

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blueskyinmarch · 19/04/2018 20:35

Or of course it is possible that she likes the attention she gets from people when she tells them what is happening at home but she may not be being truthful. I know it seems farfetched but it does happen.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/04/2018 20:36

You really shouldn't have waited until the poor child asked for help herself, op, but yes, now that she has you should certainly add your two pence worth.

perroy · 19/04/2018 20:37

Please speak

nobody acted on what i said

please help

Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:37

I really hope that’s what has happened .. I can only think this “counsellor” was a social worker anyway. I will know more in the morning as she gets kicked out house at 8am for a 5 min walk to a school that opens at 8.45 so we meet her and give her breakfast etc every morning .. if she’s not there then I will know she’s been removed .. for her sake I really hope she has been. I had her 2 nights in easter holidays and she sobbed in my car all the way home when it was time to go back. I knew then that it was coming to a head

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 19/04/2018 20:38

It does sound genuine i have to say. I hope they have listened to her and are keeping her and her siblings safe.

LIZS · 19/04/2018 20:39

Your "snapshots" might complete a safeguarding picture made out of others' observations. It is unlikely a child who has a haphazard diet and limited sociability has not displayed issues at school.

Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:39

Blueskyinmarch that’s exactly what my first thoughts were it’s only been past couple of weeks that she’s been emotionally opening up with no prodding. Gets very upset x

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 19/04/2018 20:39

It would depend what she has been saying to the counsellor. The counsellor might not have escalated things like my parents don't speak to me/I spend a lot of time in my room, because this is a case of the child's privacy and is part of protecting their trust, but if she has disclosed assault of a child then they would need to pass that on. Counsellors have a duty of care and would not be allowed to work in a school, I wouldn't have thought, without having this training (even if the training is reading a policy sheet!) - if they get any disclosure of harm towards a child (including self harm) they need to escalate it for the client/child's own safety. At least this is what I've always been told by any counsellor I've ever seen, including counsellors I saw when I was at college. They'll keep any secret for you unless you disclose a current active danger towards anyone.

bonnyshide · 19/04/2018 20:40

I'd talk to the school and tell them everything you know. It probably would've been helpful if they'd had the information from you before today, but better late than never.

BertieBotts · 19/04/2018 20:41

A social worker wouldn't pose as a counsellor - it probably is a real counsellor! But a school counsellor can escalate concerns to social services if this is necessary.

Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:42

Bertie all I know was she said to my dd that she’s told them everything .., she looked as if she had been heavily crying too my daughter said

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 19/04/2018 20:44

That's good then - that the right people are aware and can help her now.

Tistheseason17 · 19/04/2018 20:44

Tell social services and the school.
That way you know it will be dealt with. This will ensure they link together and appropriate action is taken where necessary.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 19/04/2018 20:45

Op please ring social services anyway. They need to know what you know.

Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:46

Her parents told her it’s a counsellor .. her parents also told her no children get more than a pack of pencils for their birthday and she could choose 2 colours out the pack and the rest would go in the bin .. seriously it’s been one of those things that keeps u awake at night .. last 6 weeks have almost destroyed me because I didn’t know what to do. I’ve met both parents and I can honestly say that they are the most aloof and secretive people ever. She’s been here for about 5 sleepovers and never once have they opened door or come out when I’ve dropped her off. It’s very very strange

OP posts:
DewDropsonKittens · 19/04/2018 20:48

You have been feeding this child for 6 months and not said anything too the school?

sparklefarts · 19/04/2018 20:49

I’ve known about the daily food situation

Surely that was enough to say something before now OP? Surely? A slice of toast and a packet of crisps? You knew a child was being starved and you haven't reported it?

Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:51

She’s 11 in year 6 , I couldn’t work out if she was getting things she didn’t like and dumping them ... as my eldest did that ... also parents live in grandmas house who works away so when she’s home things are a lot better .. she’s the one that buys the clothes etc but she’s away for next 3 weeks again and craps hit the fan

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 19/04/2018 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notevilstepmother · 19/04/2018 20:52

I think you should ring out of hours children’s services and tell them that you are concerned that she (and siblings) are in danger if she has been returned to parents. They won’t tell you where she is I expect but at least it gives them the information.

You do need to tell them you’ve been feeding her all this time. I have to wonder why you didn’t report this sooner. I’d also tell them exactly what your DD said about the sister being hit, just in case the child got too upset and didn’t tell the full story.

Original poster
beehive74 · 19/04/2018 20:52

I told the school they needed to check packed lunches as some children were not being fed without naming names ... but dd said they didn’t and haven’t so just been doubling up hers and 2 drinks do I know this child is being fed

OP posts:
willynillypie · 19/04/2018 20:52

OP the more stuff you're coming out with, the more I don't understand why you haven't reported this sooner.

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