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Original poster

DAughter has a very unwanted admirer

101 replies

Daisydewdrops · 30/03/2018 20:36

My daughter came home from work today in a complete state. She’s been having issues for a few months with a customer who keeps paying her unwanted attention and compliments. He’s almost double her age and today went over board. He left her a bunch of flowers and a card at her work. The card had a note with his number and other info. She’s got security involved but she’s a wreck. Is there anything that could be done to help this situation ?

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 30/03/2018 20:38

Could she take a back office type role temporarily in the same company?

ijustwannadance · 30/03/2018 20:43

What did security do? Is she ever alone in work? How old is she

Tartanwallpaper · 30/03/2018 20:46

You text the number yourself and tell him to leave your daughter alone, she is not interested and will not ever be interested?

MeanTangerine · 30/03/2018 20:50

Police. If he's double her age he's almost certainly done it before. They can pop round and have a very off-putting word

Lookatyourwatchnow · 30/03/2018 20:52

Why should she have to take a back office role?

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 30/03/2018 20:54

I'd be inclined to call/text the number too, telling him to back off and warning him that if he persists in pursuing your daughter against her wishes it'll become a police matter.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 30/03/2018 20:56

She needs to take control. A message from her mum is pointless. He needs to hear it straight from her, otherwise he’ll convince himself it’s other people trying to keep them apart.

First of all a polite text (presuming she hasn’t already tried the polite route) saying the flowers were inappropriate as she barely knows him and isn’t interested in a relationship with him. Please don’t contact her again.

She needs back up from work that if he comes in she can walk away and let someone else deal with him.

If he persists then a message saying I’ve asked that you don’t contact me again. If you continue then I will report it to police as harassment. Then follow through.

She needs to be forthright and then report any further contact.

NSEA · 30/03/2018 20:57

I wouldn’t text him as he won’t think she is not interested, just that her parents don’t want her to be interested. Report to work and ask him to be banned. She needs to log everything in a notebook. Take photos. And never engage.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 30/03/2018 20:58

I think if she goes straight to the police now after compliments and flowers they might not take it seriously. Although if she’s going to text him she needs to withhold her number!

NSEA · 30/03/2018 20:58

Do not suggest she text him @myrelationshipisweird as then he will have their number.

Ignore ignore and report.

cheapochips · 30/03/2018 20:59

Please don't teach your daughter that she should take a back office role if someone is being inappropriate with her. She's done nothing wrong. 😡

wtffgs · 30/03/2018 20:59

Police with as much physical evidence as you can muster.

What is her HR doing? They have a duty of care to their employees. He needs to be banned. I hope they aren't mealy-mouthed about this.

Poor woman - I was subject to this sort of harassment as a young woman and was resigned to putting up with it and trying not to "provoke" it! I'm glad she can talk to you. Obviously, she needs to talk to HR - not you, LOL Wink

MovingAgainOhWhy · 30/03/2018 21:00

Definitely don't let her text him because then he will have her phone number and he will be able to contact her whenever he wants!

MeanTangerine · 30/03/2018 21:00

I don't think your dd should contact him in any way whatsoever.

This has been going on for months and it's escalating. Time to let people who are paid to protect, protect.

Original poster
Daisydewdrops · 30/03/2018 21:01

She’s 22 and it’s a customer facing role and is on her own at times. They have contacted him to say leave her alone and that’ it’s not appropriate. I’m not sure her messaging him is a good idea. She’s told him before she’s not interested.

OP posts:
RapunzelIsHere · 30/03/2018 21:01

How old is she? This needs reporting. This person shouldn’t be able to affect her work.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 30/03/2018 21:02

How old is your DD? Has she already told the man CLEARLY that she is not interested? If so, log with the police (they won’t be able to do much at all but at least there will be a record).

If she hasn’t asked him to stop yet, going to the police would be wasting police time.

FlaminYon · 30/03/2018 21:02

How has she let him know his attention and compliments are unwelcome? Maybe because she's in a work setting she feels she can't be straight with him and tell him she feels it's inappropriate so she needs help from her employer not her mum. Maybe if he's told straight, from her, it'll all stop. Otherwise he may think her being polite is a green light for more attention, compliments and flowers.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 30/03/2018 21:03

Sorry, crossposted. Given what you say in your last post, I would say go to the police pronto.

penguinsandpanda · 30/03/2018 21:03

I would get her to send a message to him (but not giving her number) saying please can he leave her alone. And keep the message. If he carries on then consider involving police.

If she doesn't feel able to do this then send a message yourself asking him to please leave your daughter alone and she's not interested.

I would also request she doesn't have to serve him and if it doesn't improve ask for him to be banned.

FlaminYon · 30/03/2018 21:05

Sorry, cross-post, I see she's already told him and he's persisted.

Report him to HR and police.

NaiceToMeetYou · 30/03/2018 21:05

I had this many years ago when I was working in retail. It ended in him turning up after we closed in his car while I was locking up in the dark. I was very scared and so lucky our big security guard was there who had a very firm word with him and he thankfully didn't come back.

Do not leave it and hope he goes away, man like that rarely do. Go to the police station in the morning.

Foodylicious · 30/03/2018 21:06

Can work not ban him from the premises?

DairyisClosed · 30/03/2018 21:08

What exactly has been said to him. It may be possible to report him to the police for harassment.

DailyWailEatsSnails · 30/03/2018 21:09

DD is like a textbook in assertiveness. I'm thinking how she'd take this.

A lot of Ewwww in the background, but (DD does a retail job, too, understands customer service) so to his face "I need to tell you very firmly that I AM NOT INTERESTED. Thank you for the kind thoughts, but you need to take them elsewhere because I will not change my mind." Followed by The Look.

OP hasn't described anything creepy, and he could have SN and boundaries difficulties. Lord knows the Brits are experts in not being direct enough.

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