If you best friend of 35+ yrs admitted to having an affair with your husband?

[Screaminginsideme]

So it’s been a traumatic year. DD has been diagnosed with a disease so rare it’s know as an orphan disease. It will effect her for the rest of her life and has changed everything. My youngest DD lost her BFF this week as her mum died and she had to move away. Wednesday(the day of the funeral) my best friend of 35+ years, the God mother of my children, the only woman I’ve ever trusted fully imploded my world by admitting that 8years ago she had a fling with my husband. She, my husband and her husband have been lying to me all this time. I haven’t stopped shaking, I can’t get warm.
We have two kids- her kids are like my kids. Husband is desperate to make it all ok but only cause I now know

I went to confront her but she was out and her husband was home. She’d Been sleeping around all through their marriage and hid it for me. We compared notes and I had both their so called full disclosure emails. There were still lies we uncovered together. I’m angry now I want before just shocked and sad. I’ve told him not to come home and i’m Packing him a bag with the vibrator he brought her going right on top!

How on earth have you got her vibrator ??!

I don't have any advice but I'd want to give you a massive hug.

First of all, block her out completely. Don't speak to her, answer her messages. She doesn't exist anymore.

Unfortunately you will have to speak to y our DH at some point. Take a few days off him, you set the rules as to when to talk. You need a few days on your own to sort things out in your head and get over the initial shock.

Bloody hell Blue- she used you to cover her affair with your husband to her husband??! They sound like they thoroughly deserve one another. Onwards and upwards for you now.

Screaming, I can only imagine what you’re feeling now. How old are your kids? Good on you for getting him to leave.

@BluebellsareBlue

That's a shocker! She actually read out texts from her other man to you, whilst you didn't know it was your husband?! It's like she was getting some kind of twisted kick out of it. I am not surprised you're angry! I don't know how I'd ever deal with that.

OP -

I spoke to the woman involved once and only once. She was defensive and then a tad insulting and then bleated on about how sorry she was but not sorry enough to stop and how didn't want to tell all our kids yet as it would be hurtful to them (yes the same still applies two years later though )
I would wait until you feel very calm before you speak to her. Because you being icy cool will make her feel like the piece of rubbish she is even more. Grim behaviour.

Hey Blue the double betrayal is a really kicker isn’t it. Your OW sounds beyond vile and they deserve each other, I’m glad you’re doing okay and have resisted running them over. Although i’m Sure an all female jury would let you off justifiable homicide!

Hey Blue the double betrayal is a really kicker isn’t it. Your OW sounds beyond vile and they deserve each other, I’m glad you’re doing okay and have resisted running them over. Although i’m Sure an all female jury would let you off justifiable homicide!

That’s it exactly @Screaminginsideme , the betrayal by the two people you and I trusted the most in this world. I have pretty big trust issues now but my DP understands them although, quite rightly, it does annoy him a little bit, “what time will you be in? Where are you going? Who with?” But he knows why I have them.
You will get through this, I promise you will x

Thank you. Today was the first time the anger came. I want to destroy them right now but I know that would be wrong. I just can’t shake the feeling that there are more revelations to come. More horror to uncover. I feel that they decided long ago what to disclose if they ever got caught. They would have sexy chat via the words with friends game- they were still playing this ‘game’ until I told him to delete it this week. Her OH gave me the vibrator. All my H said was that he forgot he brought her that and he only got it because she asked for one.

So sorry op, it’s the worst betrayal possible

@Screaminginsideme I know that anger. I drive to a pretty isolated place, got out of my car and walked for about 15 minutes towards the hills (Scotland here), and I just screamed and screamed until my throat hurt but it took the teethclenching anger down a bit. Give it a go.

Yes there will probably have been a lot of conversations about how awful they both felt but how they just couldn't help it or some such bollocks, and how it would hurt you more to tell you....horrible excuses for horrible people.

How are things OP?

We’ll we’ve had two counselling sessions. H is desperate to make it up to me- completely changed, says he knows he’s been a crap husband and father and he wants us to be better. I just don’t Trust how long it can last. As for OW I saw her at the weekend and told her just how much she hurt me and that I just can’t understand, that no matter how crap her life was she could have come to me and not gone after my husband. She was apologetic but somehow the topic still became all about her and I realised she had never and would never be a true friend. The meeting gave me closure on that betrayal. I can’t deal with both and she isn’t worth my time. The counsellor help me to see that our kids would get over not being best mates with hers and we need to let go of anything that will bring the hurt home repeatedly. I’ve taken today and tomorrow as sick days, mentally I can’t deal at work, i’m Not concentrating and I spend a lot of time hiding in store rooms and toilets crying, keeping up a facade was killing me. H is on a 12hr day so I can just be today something I haven’t had the chance to do even at my sisters.

Oh screaming I don't have any useful advice but thinking of you and sending much love and strength for you and to all those posters who have been through similar xx

You're being really strong, well done. It must be so difficult.

Just be aware that if you can't forgive your dh then that's on him - it won't be you breaking up the family. I imagine you're desperately trying to do your best for your dc, but it is him who has brought this to their door.

Glad you've managed to cut off the ex-friend at least. Let her sort her own mess out.

I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

You sound like a fantastic mum

Would you like to say more about your daughter's illness? Is she still at school?

Hi, I just want to say that you don't have to make any permanent decisions about whether to stay with your h right now. It is perfectly okay to change your mind at any given point in the future.
Something that happens to lots of women is that they think they are okay and have come to terms with it and then quite far in the future, get flashbacks and the horror of it feels fresh. If you decide thrn that you want out, it is okay. You do not owe your h the security of a permanent commitment to this marriage.

@Screaminginsideme

I’m so very proud of you.
It’s time it was all about you so you take the time you need to just be you.

X

Thank you x

I’m so sorry you have been so horribly betrayed by the people you should be able to trust the most. I would suggest that even if you hope that your marriage survives this, that you make sure you have copies of every single piece of information, regarding finances. So many women come on here with not a penny because their husband has made sure it has been hidden. Make sure you know if he has any hidden away in any accounts. Be sure that the grovelling wretch act will soon change to a nasty bastard, if you split.