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Original poster

If you best friend of 35+ yrs admitted to having an affair with your husband?

123 replies

Screaminginsideme · 19/01/2018 19:03

So it’s been a traumatic year. DD has been diagnosed with a disease so rare it’s know as an orphan disease. It will effect her for the rest of her life and has changed everything. My youngest DD lost her BFF this week as her mum died and she had to move away. Wednesday(the day of the funeral) my best friend of 35+ years, the God mother of my children, the only woman I’ve ever trusted fully imploded my world by admitting that 8years ago she had a fling with my husband. She, my husband and her husband have been lying to me all this time. I haven’t stopped shaking, I can’t get warm.
We have two kids- her kids are like my kids. Husband is desperate to make it all ok but only cause I now know

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 19/01/2018 19:37

Bloody hell lass.

Hugs and hand hold for your DD's diagnosis.

As for the friend and H... Give yourself time to process, then determine what you want.

refusetobeasheep · 19/01/2018 19:40

I'm another agreeing your focus should only be on you and your kids. I would say you cannot think about the marriage at the moment as you have to come to terms with the diagnosis and focus on supporting your dd. Don't be rushed / pushed into anything. This rolls at your pace. when ready you will talk, not before. Give yourself time, there's no way you can think straight at the moment. You do not currently owe your husband or ex BF anything.

DonutCone · 19/01/2018 19:43

They are both scum. So her husband got the truth and you spent 8 years being friends with someone who'd slept with your husband. No thanks. Tell them both to fuck off. No ones life is ever better for having people like that in it.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2018 19:44

Oh gosh, the very people that you trust in the world have betrayed you. I would be dumping the 'friend' and having serious thoughts about the future with your husband. Massive hugs FlowersWine

2018SoFarSoGreat · 19/01/2018 19:46

Such shit. So sorry OP - a hand to hold here.

Please be careful driving while you are so upset. Get to your sister and hunker down for a while; hopefully she'll help you feel better. That shaking is horrible - it is shock, and you need to treat it as such.

Flowers
Sprinklestar · 19/01/2018 19:46

Goodbye to both of them. And good riddance.

YearOfYouRemember · 19/01/2018 19:46

Blinking heck. How is your dd coping with her news?
Cut the ex friend off, obviously.
Her husband is neither here nor there. He kept quiet for long enough. You owe him nothing but if you want to know stuff and can trust him then consider a meeting.
Maybe block your h while you're at your sisters. The kids can always ring you on her phone if old enough.
Take. Care of yourself. Don't think you have to process, decide etc in hours.

notsodimwit · 19/01/2018 19:47

What a bloody bitch Angry I cant believe some people ..I wish I could give you a hug Flowers xxx

DottyS · 19/01/2018 19:47

I have no wise words of comfort but I can only guess at how you feel. Flowers

KitNCaboodle · 19/01/2018 19:49

What utter arseholes. I’m sorry.

notsodimwit · 19/01/2018 19:50

Reading what you've wrote she is such a jealous bitch x hope you are ok Flowers hope your DD is ok xx

MarigoldGloveHotel · 19/01/2018 19:50

I'm so very sorry Screaming , I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

You don't have to decide anything now. You may decide in the future to cut contact with all of them but that's for the future. For now stay physically safe.

Have you told your sister what's happened? I hope you have someone in rl to go to.

Rudgie47 · 19/01/2018 19:51

Get rid of both your friend and your husband, both are totally no good. Your husband will do it again or probably has with other women.
OP I had a really good friend years ago and she got pregnant to her best friends husband.I never felt the same about her after that.We fell out anyway.
If your friend and husband can do that to you then they dont give a shit and dont deserve you in their lives. No matter how old you are you will meet other friends and partners.

LittleLights · 19/01/2018 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDc7 · 19/01/2018 20:00

Good lord... that's absolutely outrageous. Big hand hold for you mate. You deserve a lot better than this shower of shit bags

Ravenesque · 19/01/2018 20:00

So, her husband told her to tell you or he'd leave her? She's chosen her relationship over yours and not just that your peace of mind, your security, your happiness and all of that in the dreadful week you're having especially with your DD having been diagnosed with a rare disease.

It beggars belief. That friendship is over. You'll never ever trust her again and why would you when she could do this to you?! Your husband? Well only you know whether you want to stay with him, eventually, or not, but I'm glad you're going to your sister's to have the space to think and to be away from the horrific shit that has just rained down on you.

I am so, so, so very sorry for you. No one should have to go what you're going through. I might be a bit of a twat, but I've got tears in my eyes for you and I don't even know you! Anyway, hugs from afar. I hope you can find a way to deal with all of it. Much love to you and your lovely DD.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2018 20:19

They both betrayed you in the most horrible way, its only because of her husbands threat, that you know, they had no intention of telling you, and the trust is gone in both of them. This was was known by everyone for 8 years accept for you, they were playing you for a fool. I would dump both of them and move on.

Thistlebelle · 19/01/2018 20:25

So her husband knew but continued to allow her to have a close connection to your family anyway?

And your husband knew he knew and they all colluded to play happy families? Dinner parties, days out and babysitting etc for 8 years. Shock

They must be incredibly talented liars.

I’m not sure there’s any way back from that.

Emmageddon · 19/01/2018 20:39

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. Thank God you have your sister. Stay with her until you decide what to do next. I hope you get love and support from genuine people around you, and I echo the other posters who have said you need neither your friend nor your DH in your life right now. Concentrate on your DD and what she needs regarding her illness and look after yourself.

supersop60 · 20/01/2018 08:41

OP - hope you are ok this morning. What is your sister's perspective on your situation?

strangerhoesagain · 20/01/2018 08:47
Flowers
Timefortea99 · 20/01/2018 08:48

I think you need to speak to her husband at some point. Get his perspective. And then never see him again.

Never see her again. Take steps to get rid of your husband.

How awful for you and your DC.

Original poster
Screaminginsideme · 20/01/2018 16:01

No tears yet today. Sister admitted her husband had an affair years ago and they got through it although not with a friend. Rightly or wrongly I asked for a full and frank confession and time line of events from both of them. I told his stepmom and asked a work friend if they knew if any other times I also called his best mate to ask if he knew anymore. They were all as shocked as me. I know some of the motives for these calls were vengeance but I need to know and bollox to him. I did speak to her husband last night and he was very angry, bitter and so full of hate it scared me. He hit her this morning and she’s left. I still shake when I think about all this. Thank you all - the kindness and support of you total strangers to me is helping a lot

OP posts:
Helmetbymidnight · 20/01/2018 16:06

Oh gosh, you poor thing Op. Flowers

Its a double betrayal. To do that to a friend...I'm sorry. You must be in agony.

I'm glad you are with your sister.

MarigoldGloveHotel · 20/01/2018 16:07

Oh my, what a mess.

Yes, people can be kind so remember that when your faith in humanity is shaken.

You asked what would we do. Well, my initial thought was "have a breakdown", so instead of that is suggest trying to get some help for yourself immediately. Do you have the funds to pay for some sort of counselling? If you're in the Uk I'd go to my GP and ask for a referral, you might not get much but trying is something, taking control.

X

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