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Original poster

If you best friend of 35+ yrs admitted to having an affair with your husband?

123 replies

Screaminginsideme · 19/01/2018 19:03

So it’s been a traumatic year. DD has been diagnosed with a disease so rare it’s know as an orphan disease. It will effect her for the rest of her life and has changed everything. My youngest DD lost her BFF this week as her mum died and she had to move away. Wednesday(the day of the funeral) my best friend of 35+ years, the God mother of my children, the only woman I’ve ever trusted fully imploded my world by admitting that 8years ago she had a fling with my husband. She, my husband and her husband have been lying to me all this time. I haven’t stopped shaking, I can’t get warm.
We have two kids- her kids are like my kids. Husband is desperate to make it all ok but only cause I now know

OP posts:
Rainbowsandflowers78 · 19/01/2018 19:17

Wow you must feel so betrayed
How long did it last for?
Deffo cut her out - she’s no friend at all
And I would be asking your oh to move out for a bit too

tootiredtospeak · 19/01/2018 19:18

This must be hell on Earth focus on your DD and yourself. I would never forgive her whether you forgive your DH is up to you. Not sure I could get past 8 years of lying and the fact you know now is because of her husband not that it was eating your DH up inside.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/01/2018 19:19

Did her husband discover this at the time or did she tell him?

Either way, he's the only one I'd be talking to right now.

0ccamsRazor · 19/01/2018 19:19

Ship Op what a couple of a sneaky lying fucksticks, Sad

Gin and (((hug)))

0ccamsRazor · 19/01/2018 19:20

Shit not ship

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 19/01/2018 19:20

Yes to meeting up with her husband to get the facts - at a coffee shop or somewhere neutral.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 19/01/2018 19:20

What a pair of fucking cunts!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/01/2018 19:20

She told you on the day of the funeral? And you had to go to her place to hear the news and go home afterwards? What an absolute cow.

Mookatron · 19/01/2018 19:21

What a fucking bitch to a) do it and b) tell you for her own reasons at such an awful time.

I don't know what I'd do but I would not be wanting to talk to either of them right now. Can you kick your H out and invite someone actually nice around this eve?

So sorry to hear about this.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 19/01/2018 19:22

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. Any one of these things would floor people but for her to tell you when you're already struggling with so much trauma is just sickening. I don't know how I'd react, but I'd definitely want a lot of space. Can you get away to a hotel, or somewhere just to be away from all your commitments and the other crap life throws at you to have some time to think?
Flowers Brew Gin and a hand to hold for you.

Original poster
Screaminginsideme · 19/01/2018 19:24

On my way to my sister. He can do all the running around after the kids for once. Oh and to really kick me while i’m Down I have a puncture and have sat on the side of the m40 for an hour and am still in the services waiting for a new tyre FML. Thank you all your support is helping me stop shaking

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/01/2018 19:26

Oh no! That must have been scary on the side of the M40. I'm really glad you're going to your sister's tonight. How old are your children?

rcit · 19/01/2018 19:26

Given all these circumstances I think it would be best to cut her (and her entire family) off completely.

Then see if you can salvage/rebuild your marriage/family. I’d consider in particular how the last 8 years have been, ie after the affair but when you didn’t know. That’s if you want to.

DeadButDelicious · 19/01/2018 19:29

I don't know what to say OP. So I'll just offer a hand hold and a listening ear. Thanks

Clutterbugsmum · 19/01/2018 19:30

I actually think you would be justified in launching your full anger at them, ad nothing you can say to them will hurt them more then they have hurt you and your children.

I'd tell H to leave and not contact me until I'm ready to talk to him.

And then tell ask friend in front of her H thought today was the day to tell me that she is a selfish bitch about A) having an affair with my H 8 years ago, B) why having just learnt that DD had very rare disease and C) DD BFF mum funeral.

And if they could think of any other way they could hurt you.

Then I would tell them both never to contact me or my ever again and that if anyone ask why our relationship had changed I would honest as to the exact reason why.

lavenderhoney · 19/01/2018 19:30

How awful on such a difficult day. Don't bother speaking to her again and nor her Dh. That will be the hardest thing but also you can't possibly have either one around your family now, with the much more pressing problems.
I'm not surprised your dh wants everything to be alright. It's not is it? Tell the selfish twat it's not about him and your DD is the priority then other DC if you have them then you and frankly he can wait.

These people are not your friends and no doubt their marriage is about to implode. And no, you won't be around to help/ listen etc. FFS. what happens between you and your dh is none of their business. Not any more..

Notasperfectasallothermners · 19/01/2018 19:30

Why just cut her off? He is the one who made vows to the op!!

greendale17 · 19/01/2018 19:32

She, my husband and her husband have been lying to me all this time.

^How did her husband find out? Was it a one time thing or prolonged? Why did it happen? You need to find out

Idontdowindows · 19/01/2018 19:33

I am so sorry for you. That kind of betrayal is devastating. All of them knew, all of them kept it from you for 8 years.

Whatever you do, put you first. It doesn't matter what your husband wants, it doesn't matter what your ex-friend wants.

They have lost the right to want anything at all where it concerns you.

MsJolly · 19/01/2018 19:34

Fuck! I would chuck him out and not speak to either of them again. I'd also tell everyone exactly what happened.

Knittedfairies · 19/01/2018 19:34

I wonder if she told you now because she thought the news would somehow be 'hidden' in everything else going on right now? Certainly no friend to you.

CharizMa · 19/01/2018 19:34

That is awful.

I'm inclined to think she should have carried that to her grave while withdrawing from you gradually.

Affairs happen, but to stick around pretending she could be trusted for 8 years, and then to tell you the day your DD was dxd with a condition Confused the mind just boggles.

Obviously your H is a dick as well

Bellamuerte · 19/01/2018 19:35

You must be devastated. In your shoes I'd be unable to trust my husband any more. Not only has he had an affair, he's also lied about it for eight years! I'm afraid I'd divorce him and cut contact with her - she is NOT your friend regardless of how long you've known her.

Original poster
Screaminginsideme · 19/01/2018 19:35

Greendale. She confessed to him 6 years ago. He came round and had it out with my husband and they’ve all been lying to me since.

OP posts:
ChickenDinnerChecky · 19/01/2018 19:36

God how hideous for you op. Not sure what I would do in this situation but sending you strength.

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