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Original poster

Kissed my boss at xmas party

44 replies

Whattodonow12345 · 17/12/2017 14:29

Have worked with the company for a long time and have always gotten on well with him but recently attended the office christmas party where we both got drunk (not so drunk that we didnt know what was happening) and flirted with each other. He kept touching me, then we kissed -not sure if my colleagues saw or not.
I've always sensed that he likes me by the way he watches me in the office and always keeps eye contact and talks to me differently. We

He is much older than me and is a ltr. I am married with kids.

I dont know whether to msg him before i go back to work and apologise or just to go in to work and pretend nothing happened.
Should i hand my notice -although don't really want to do this as its a great place to work.
What would you do??

Thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
AvaRose87 · 17/12/2017 14:38

Eeeek! This is a sticky situation as you said he is your boss and you're married.

In terms of kissing him I would pretend it never happened and if it is mentioned brush it off as a silly drunken moment of madness. Do you think he is interested in more? Or was it just a silly drunken flirtation that went too far?

Can I ask about whether you'd want to take it further? You don't seem to have mentioned the effect on your husband (as in that you kissed another man) is that okay for you two? Or would he see that as cheating? Are you thinking as much about your husband as you are about your boss's reaction?

Xx

CremeFresh · 17/12/2017 14:42

I wouldn't mention it, carry on as normal , nice and breezy, if he mentions it just brush it off and change the subject.

pollydollymolly · 17/12/2017 14:48

Why would you apologise? If anyone should apologise it's him seeing as he's your boss.

MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 14:48

Not ideal but brush it off as a silly drunken decision.

Carry on as normal and ig he says anything just be calm and friendly. Sort of 'oh yeah. Talk about a silly thing to do when drunk. Anyway i'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind'

BarrackerBarmer · 17/12/2017 14:52

He as the manager has abused his position and compromised your working situation by kissing you, his subordinate. He ought to be worried right about now.

Your apology should be towards your partner rather than him.

Original poster
Whattodonow12345 · 17/12/2017 14:52

Thanks for your replies... I am worried about my husband reaction as he would most def see it as cheating. I have never done this before. I think i will keep quiet from my husband.. am so worried about him finding out.

I did stop the kiss as was worried about my husband and his partner. I would def have gone further if I was single as he makes me laugh and smile... he's a gorgeous guy.
Some of the things we spoke about last night (prior to the kiss)- he told me he wanted more so think he would have gone further if i didnt stop the kiss.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 17/12/2017 14:54

The reason your husband would see it as cheating, is because it is cheating.

I’d confess, I couldn’t live with a dirty secret like that

Trills · 17/12/2017 15:01

The reason your husband would see it as cheating, is because it is cheating.

Yep.

You have two separate problems to tackle here

1 - how do you deal with this at work?

2 - how do you feel about your marriage?

CremeFresh · 17/12/2017 15:02

I'd be careful , you're obviously attracted to each other , do you love your husband enough not to let this go further?

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2017 15:03

I think uou need to think about if your collegues saw or not. This is going to make a big difference potentially. You could be the subject of gossip and people might be watching for any preferential treatment if they know. Do your colleagues know your husband?

I do think you need to speak to your boss privately . Just say you were pissed. Ask if you have to if he knows if others saw because it needs to be handled.

I wouldn't tell my husband either, it was a drunken mistake and would serve no purpose. But if there is a risk he will find out anyway you need to know.

VitriolicMuse · 17/12/2017 15:05

I’m glad you mentioned your husband in all of this! My husband would be absolutely livid if I snogged my boss at the Christmas party. Don’t worry about your boss, you should be worried about your husband. Personally I think you’ve given him the green light now and you’ll eventually sleep with him.

DancesWithOtters · 17/12/2017 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Whattodonow12345 · 17/12/2017 15:07

My marriage is in a really good place at the moment so really dont want to spoil that. I have never cheated before and think this is why i stopped kissing him.

Work - i'm so worried that things are going to be awkward.. we're a small office and he is the owner of the company. I really hope my colleagues didnt see... although he was very touchy at the dinner table, so they may have seen something 😕

I feel dreadful as i do like him but not enough that i would leave my husband if you know what i mean

OP posts:
cowssheephens · 17/12/2017 15:08

I can't believe you are worried about going into work, my concern would be my marriage and my DC.

CremeFresh · 17/12/2017 15:09

If it's a small company I'd be amazed if no one noticed.

Original poster
Whattodonow12345 · 17/12/2017 15:11

I think my main worry is that i might have to leave... i get on with everyone so well and there is always such a great vibe at work.. not like some offices i have worked in previously.

Dont get me wrong.. i am still worried about husband etc

OP posts:
Trills · 17/12/2017 15:14

Are you sure your marriage is in a really good place?

Seasonseatings · 17/12/2017 15:14

I did this (about15 years ago) and carried on normally, it blew over

PositivelyPERF · 17/12/2017 15:16

Do you seriously think you're the first young female staff member that he's done this with, OP? He sounds like a creepy fucker that has taken advantage of your stupid crush. Have some self respect and concentrate on your own marriage.

RestingGrinchFace · 17/12/2017 15:17

Just pretend you don't remember.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2017 15:19

I think as first line I would go in and act like nothing happened. If anyonesays anything brush it off as a drunken mishap. If HE hints at a repeat performance be very very clear it was a drunken mistake. I wouldn't leave unless it is obviously an issue or he's pressuring you for more etc. You are not the first or the last to do it

HarrietKettleWasHere · 17/12/2017 15:20

I think it's unlikely no one noticed anything. Even when people think they're subtly flirting it can be quite obvious.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/12/2017 15:21

I did this (about15 years ago) and carried on normally, it blew over

That's the long and short of it. Carry on as normal. Don't tell your husband, don't behave awkwardly at work. Just get on with things and put it behind you.

Italiangreyhound · 17/12/2017 15:23

Whattodonow "My marriage is in a really good place at the moment" what would you be doing if your marriage was not in a good place?

Your main concern seems to be you will need to leave your job or that your work will be awkward. Is that right?

If that is the case I would go in bright and breezy, pretend nothing happened. If anyone mentioned it, I'd pretend not to remember.

But whatever you do I'd be processional with my boss and not be alone with him unless necessary.

I do think you need to think about how little your dh factors in your thinking here. It may be that for the long term benefit of your marriage you do need to find a new job. but that's your call.

I totally understand how this kind of thing can happen. But I do feel sorry for your husband, he seems to be the last concern on your list of concerns.

ThomasRichard · 17/12/2017 15:24

Let’s be real here. You fancy him, he fancies you. You’ve already flirted and kissed. This is only going to go one way.

If you value your marriage, hand in your notice and find a new job.