Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Daughter wants to name her baby with same name as DH' mistress

93 replies

mumsgirl1 · 01/07/2017 22:00

She doesn't know about the affair (and I hope she never will) . How can I persuade her to not give my dear grandaughter this name without spilling the beans. Her husband also likes the name .

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/07/2017 22:02

Don't say anything. There's no connection for your daughter and the new baby will be a completely new person with no connection to the mistress.

This is your issue to get over.

TheNoseyProject · 01/07/2017 22:02

That is utterly crap. I have no advice. I just didn't want to read and run. Hopefully a more helpful person will be here soon.

gleam · 01/07/2017 22:04

How would she feel if she found out afterwards?

PurpleDaisies · 01/07/2017 22:04

Sorry, I do appreciate it's not ideal and I can understand why you're not thrilled at the prospect.

It's just not fair to expect your daughter to use a different name because of something she has no knowledge or control over.

Original poster
mumsgirl1 · 01/07/2017 22:04

I hate hearing the name. Also wouldn't it be a giant feather in mistress' cap?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/07/2017 22:05

I hate hearing the name. Also wouldn't it be a giant feather in mistress' cap?

Why would it be a feather in the mistress' cap? No one knows about the affair so the baby can't be named for her. Confused

JenTeale · 01/07/2017 22:06

Why do you hope she would never find out about the affair? Are you and her father still together?

TheAntiBoop · 01/07/2017 22:06

Is this an ongoing affair?

LexieLulu · 01/07/2017 22:06

Tell your husband to tell your daughter vaguely that you dislike someone strongly with that name.

I'm presuming you're still with husband? What does he think?

Frillyhorseyknickers · 01/07/2017 22:06

Is the affair still ongoing?!

PotteringAlong · 01/07/2017 22:08

You can't. Keep quiet.

yesiknowyoullwhine · 01/07/2017 22:10

How close are you?

Could you tell her some other reason?

E.g., it's the name of someone who bullied you severely

PurpleDaisies · 01/07/2017 22:12

Would you not be friends with a person because of their name?

I can understand why you wouldn't choose it yourself but when your granddaughter arrives the name will just be her name, not the mistress.

PollytheDolly · 01/07/2017 22:13

Oh god. What an impossible situation for you. What does your DH think? Is this likely to come out?

Shockers · 01/07/2017 22:13

There's one person you dislike with that name (with very good reason!). Soon, there will be someone who you love dearly with that name... love trumps hate.

What's the name? Perhaps we could all share our good thoughts of people with that name.

We could eclipse the OW!

Original poster
mumsgirl1 · 01/07/2017 22:14

No it was a long time ago. I still occasionally see her (she work's in my building) and there is some crossover with work colleagues.
How would she feel if she found out afterwards?
that's something I hadn't thought about, gleam
I am still together with my husband.

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 01/07/2017 22:16

Can you match the name to a celeb /similar that's irritating /annoying and say how much it would be a bad connection??

SerfTerf · 01/07/2017 22:18

Can't you just say it's the name of "one of your Dad's exgfs" and not specify that it was a post marriage gf?

If necessary, elaborate that she wasn't a pleasant person.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 01/07/2017 22:19

Just tell her you really hate that name because it reminds you of a childhood bully you once had or something like that. Hopefully she'll choose something else

yesiknowyoullwhine · 01/07/2017 22:19

Maybe he should come up with a reason and talk to her.

LilaBard · 01/07/2017 22:23

I agree tell her it was someone your husband dated just before you. Tell her quietly and ask her not to mention it to your husband say he will think you are being silly or something like that. How horrible for you OP, and a bit insensitive of your husband to not give it a second thought imo.

GlitteryFluff · 01/07/2017 22:25

I agree with saying it's an exgf of her df - I'd add she was awful and treated him badly and so is not a name that you have nice connotations to?

I know it's a lie but I'd do everything I could to stop her incase she later finds out and by then it's too late..

Or, as she's an adult maybe you both sit her down and have the chat and be honest. Then she knows and can make a decision. If she still goes ahead then so be it but it's out in the open.

Gemini69 · 01/07/2017 22:29

Hell NO... do everything you can to stop this... even if it means you have to tell her...

lottiegarbanzo · 01/07/2017 22:30

Oh, that's crap.

How a feather in her cap - how would she know? This makes it sound very current, for you least.

So, I think the answer is to detach from the specifics, approach the issue from the other direction; what legitimate, acceptable reason could you give for objecting to the name?

Would your husband speak up too?

So, a former girlfriend of his before you got together? A horrible school mate? Etc.

sizeofalentil · 01/07/2017 22:30

I think I'd have to tell her too. If she found out later it may ruin the name for her, and it would be too late by then.

I'm so sorry you still have to see the OW around. I'm sure that makes this situation harder than if she'd just vanished in to the ethos.

Swipe left for the next trending thread