Daughter wants to name her baby with same name as DH' mistress

[mumsgirl1]

She doesn't know about the affair (and I hope she never will) . How can I persuade her to not give my dear grandaughter this name without spilling the beans. Her husband also likes the name .

I would lay this all at the door of your 'D'H to sort out.

Why should you look like the neurotic loon, making up stories about bullies at school or some vague reference to an ex-gf implying it was long before your marriage, in order to protect him?

I agree, it's up to your DH to take responsibility for this situation as he was the cheater. Even if he doesn't tell her the full details, he needs to step up and have the awkward conversation.

So her dad should tell her not to use the name because it upsets her mum?

With a made up reason?

No her dad should either tell her he truth or make up a lie making himself the look who objects to the name

Loon

I'd tell her. Most secrets find their way out anyway. I personally would want to know but of course you know your daughter better.

I think you need to get over it I'm afraid

Can you tell her it's the name of someone who tried to break up your marriage, without going into full details of the affair?

On the day I found out about my partners affair my cousin whom I'm very close with had a baby girl and called her the same name as the other woman.
I haven't even been able to confide in her because I don't want to taint the name for her.

^So her dad should tell her not to use the name because it upsets her mum?

With a made up reason?^

Nope. Her dad tells her the truth, that he had an affair with a woman named X, in which case I'm positive the DD would then choose a different name - or he makes up a story that makes him look like the neurotic loon.

Or Op & her husband keep quiet as they have done thus far?

If you really don't want her to know, then as others have suggested, either tell her it has terrible connotations for you due to school / workplace bully or make up a tragic back story.

Perhaps you can just say you don't like the name because it reminds you of someone you didn't like in your past. We've all got those names!!!

Did you end up sorting this OP!

?*

Did she have any other names she liked?

I wouldn't tell her the truth, it would probably stress her out and she doesn't need to know. She will probably end up falling out with her dad and it won't be good for anyone.

Just say you don't like the name/ prefer one of the other ones? Make something else up and then let her decide on whether she wants to still use it.

You can't force her to change it but maybe if you tell her you really don't like it she might change her mind.

Hope you've got this sorted. Must be horrible for you.

We chose names that neither my mum, nor MIL liked. Not deliberately, pure coincidence. They spent the whole time telling us the names they did like. If either of them had given us a valid reason we might have reconsidered, but just because they 'really don't like it' ? No. Absolutely not. OP and her husband made this situation possible by not being open from the start. They have to put up with it.

Perhaps it was meant to be this way op - so that you can come to terms with your hatred of this name (and the ow) and turn horrible negative feelings into something positive and full of love.