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Original poster

Daughter wants to name her baby with same name as DH' mistress

93 replies

mumsgirl1 · 01/07/2017 22:00

She doesn't know about the affair (and I hope she never will) . How can I persuade her to not give my dear grandaughter this name without spilling the beans. Her husband also likes the name .

OP posts:
Rach5l · 01/07/2017 23:12

I see where youre coming from. My nephew was given the same name as the man that abused my mum as a child. It was a surprise name so she had no chance to explain. Its extremely painful Flowers
I would definitely try & put her off it somehow

LoveDeathPrizes · 01/07/2017 23:14

If this was me and I found out later, I'd be so upset that I'd used the name.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 01/07/2017 23:16

She is your daughter, a grown woman, you need to tell her.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation, but I think she would probably rather know now, than find out later.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 01/07/2017 23:20

diddl I'm not sure she knew at the time sister was named, but she certainly knew by the time my sister was a young child.

ErnesttheBavarian · 01/07/2017 23:22

ERM so it's her fault, zjmlove?Shock ever heard of victim blaming?

Op, TBH for me it depends on the name. If there's little to be a few kids around or in upcoming nurseries, playgroups etc I think I would leave it and learn to appreciate associating that name with something pleasant.

If, however, it's an unusual Name v And no one else is called it, I would have serious b words with dh and get him to sort it, fessing up if necessary. He created the problem, he needs to fix it. It's the least he could do for you xx

ErnesttheBavarian · 01/07/2017 23:25

In 2nd para little = likely soz

Zjmlove · 01/07/2017 23:31

The affair isn't her fault. But these sort of things will crop up if you take back a cheat obviously.

allthingslipsticks · 01/07/2017 23:41

I'm a bit Shock at the responses urging OP to tell DD about OW. No doubt it would cause DD a great deal of stress and upset for her and her baby. There'll be a time and a place to tell her, but now is not it.

ErnesttheBavarian · 01/07/2017 23:43

What kinds of things??? Do you have a handy list to refer to, just in case?

And again, it very much sounds like you're saying is her fault cos she "took back a cheat".

Zjmlove · 01/07/2017 23:45

Sorry if I've hit a nerve ern. I take it back. Completely sensible thing to do. Just avoid the baby?

ErnesttheBavarian · 01/07/2017 23:48

Wtf you on about?

Tormundsbrow · 02/07/2017 00:09

I feel really torn on this one, a names a name, it holds no power.

At the same time, I was horrendously bullied as a child and when I hear the name, I just think 'cunt'. I suppose I wouldn't want to think that every time I thought/heard/saw my grandchild.

MeanAger · 02/07/2017 00:12

Tell her to post the name on the MN Baby names board. They'll soon put her off it Grin

SerfTerf · 02/07/2017 00:37

@Zjmlove are you trying to do an impersonation of a complete arse? Hmm

Farfromtheusual · 02/07/2017 08:56

What if OP tells her the truth and she still wants to use the name? Would that not be an even bigger kick in the teeth for her??

Piratesandpants · 02/07/2017 09:02

What does your husband have to say about all this? Isn't it up to him to tell your daughter and explain why this is painful for you?

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 02/07/2017 09:18

How rubbish.

I would go with the idea of saying it was the name of a school bully or a horrible boss. Hopefully she will change her mind Flowers

LetterEatCake · 02/07/2017 09:21

This is your husband's mess to clear up. He should. Tell him to ask her not to give the baby that name and he can take the trouble if she gets upset.

Whileweareonthesubject · 02/07/2017 09:42

No, I don't think you can say anything. When you decided to stay with your husband and you both chose not to share the truth with your dd, you both made this a possibility. Either both be honest with dd, or keep quiet. If affair is truly over, then no reason for ow to know. As so often said on here, it was your husband who betrayed you, not her. Would you have the sameatritude if baby was a boy being named after your husband? The ow is nothing to your dd, so this isn't being done to hurt you. I think you have to keep quiet.

LoveDeathPrizes · 02/07/2017 09:42

School bully... People get a bit superstitious about using family names where there's a tragic backstory. Might be worth giving that a try.

diddl · 02/07/2017 10:06

I agree with While.

Why put all of this on your daughter now when you decided not to at the time?

Didiusfalco · 02/07/2017 10:10

You need to tell her. She's a grown up. This could make her feel awful if she finds out later. How would you feel if keeping it from her damaged the relationship between you and your daughter?

DollyLlama · 02/07/2017 10:14

I understand it would be painful for you, but that's not your daughters worry if she doesn't know.

You can give her other options but if she's set on it there's not much you can do.

Is it a name you can use a nickname for?

sashh · 02/07/2017 10:28

Tell her it's the name of someone who hurt you really badly and you can't get the association out of your head.

Gemini69 · 02/07/2017 10:32

there are many reasons why people HATE certain names.... and would object if it were chosen for their child or grandchild or great grandchild.... when I was born my name.. I was given my grandmothers name but it was changed to a variant of her name because she didn't like her own name..so she chose an alternative more modern version and my mum was happy to do this...

Speak to you Daughter... FAST x