is this abuse?

[pheebo]

My marriage is over except it's not. He has now decided that me not packing up immediately is me staying (it's not financially or physically possible for me to just take my kids and leave) and now he's taken to making threats to get me to do what he wants. I won't go into too much detail as it's very outing and he knows I'm on here but an example being deleting people's numbers from my phone who he doesn't like me being friends with - and if I don't cut contact with them he's going to kick off with them so they'll never speak to me again 😩

Take legal advice. Who owns or rents the property? Do you have your own money?

We both rent but I have nowhere else to go except to my parents which is 150 miles away and they don't drive.
We both work but he drops me off and picks me up from my job.
On a fairly low income too so not really any savings put away.
If I leave and go to my parents he'll threaten to come and smash their house up or something I know he will 😩

I'm going to end up losing my phone because he'll demand my pass code and when I don't give it he'll smash it up

Go to your parents anyway.

If he makes threats against them, I'm sure the police would want to know

Leave.
He's controlling and abusive. Let him make threats. Let him be arrested.

OP, you need to go to your parents house ASAP. He is very unlikely to smash up their house, but tell the police of any threatening or violent behaviour. This is for your safety, nothing is more important than that

I wish he was very unlikely he really will do it he has a violent criminal record 😔

Then he will locked up. .
Stop looking for reasons not to go.

Look for bags to start packing. .
Your dc are relying on you to give them a good life. .

I'm going to have to plan it for when he isn't around - and save money for transport

Go to HR/ your boss. Ask.for an advance on your salary because you're experiencing domestic abuse in the form of financial abuse as you don't have access to your own money. Or try a local church. The get away from him, call.the police to say you are safe and not a missing person. Report his abuse. He already has a violent criminal record. There are ways to have him kept away from you.

Hi there,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP. It sounds like a frightening situation. You've had some support from lovely Mumsnetters on here, which we hope has helped a little.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ '

It's just threats scare tactics my ex partner even came to my parents house but didn't carry out the threats why because he knew they would call the police even if I didn't. He can't stop you unless he's prepared to kill you and if he is prepared to do that you should be going to the police anyway. He'll be a coward deep down they all are. Fast forward 15 years for me and I'm happily with another partner 2 more kids (I have one to him) and see him regularly for parent contact. Once he realised his threats had no impact he stopped them.

Thank you so much Lou
I will find the strength to leave I just can't rush into anything for fear of repercussions 😔